Tweet
....a happy Motherxxxxer's Day....let me tell you about this evening.
So I went out and saw my mother. We had dinner, she xxxxxed about me doing nothing with my life...blah blah blah. So I dropped her off at Auntie's house, hopped in my sniper van, and headed back to my cardboard utopia. 45 minutes later, I arrive at my front door, and start to look for my key in my bag....no luck, I must have left it back at mother's house. At this point I'm considering tearing throught he cardboard and going in for the spare, but I didn't want to pay for a new carboard, so back in the sniper van I went and headed back Aunties to see if my mom had the key. I'm about 10 minutes into the drive when the two beers and two cups of coffee that I had that night decided to hit me all at once. I had to piss like a racehorse. Pulling over on the highway was not an option as everyone would have been able to see me pissing, so I looked around the van for a container to piss in. I found two options an empty bag of Hotdog flavored potato chips or a 20 oz. Sprite bottle. I opted for the bottle seeing as how the bag would have resulted in a definite spill. I waited until I hit a dark straight away on the highway and no other cars wear around. I aimed as carefully as possible and began pissing. Big mistake. I'm feeling warmth all over my lap and I'm getting splashed more than I care to be splashed. I pinch it off.....pain ensues. I realize I have to finish the job and go back to pissing in the bottle. Poor aim once again results in a stream of piss hitting the stearing wheel. I aim again, and finally finish the job but not without much damage being done. I managed to get about half of the bottle filled. So now I'm piss soaked from the stomach down, hey at least my top is dry, right? WRONG. I go to dump the bottle out, but since I was going 70 mph, it sprayed right back into my face. It was like being hit with a luke warm, wet mop. Worst feeling ever. So I get back to Aunties house, with most of the piss dried off, but my crotch is still soaked. I search frantically while avoiding mom's and auntie's view. I find nothing and give up after half an hour. I'm so pissed (no pun intended) that I was just going to tear the goddamn cardboard with my handy dandy Swiss Army Knife. I figure I must have just left it at home anyway. I get back home after another 45 minutes of piss soaked crotch, tear the cardboard, get inside, and there's my key, in my other pants.
One cardboard and a self served golden shower later.....here I am. Did I miss anything?
So I went out and saw my mother. We had dinner, she xxxxxed about me doing nothing with my life...blah blah blah. So I dropped her off at Auntie's house, hopped in my sniper van, and headed back to my cardboard utopia. 45 minutes later, I arrive at my front door, and start to look for my key in my bag....no luck, I must have left it back at mother's house. At this point I'm considering tearing throught he cardboard and going in for the spare, but I didn't want to pay for a new carboard, so back in the sniper van I went and headed back Aunties to see if my mom had the key. I'm about 10 minutes into the drive when the two beers and two cups of coffee that I had that night decided to hit me all at once. I had to piss like a racehorse. Pulling over on the highway was not an option as everyone would have been able to see me pissing, so I looked around the van for a container to piss in. I found two options an empty bag of Hotdog flavored potato chips or a 20 oz. Sprite bottle. I opted for the bottle seeing as how the bag would have resulted in a definite spill. I waited until I hit a dark straight away on the highway and no other cars wear around. I aimed as carefully as possible and began pissing. Big mistake. I'm feeling warmth all over my lap and I'm getting splashed more than I care to be splashed. I pinch it off.....pain ensues. I realize I have to finish the job and go back to pissing in the bottle. Poor aim once again results in a stream of piss hitting the stearing wheel. I aim again, and finally finish the job but not without much damage being done. I managed to get about half of the bottle filled. So now I'm piss soaked from the stomach down, hey at least my top is dry, right? WRONG. I go to dump the bottle out, but since I was going 70 mph, it sprayed right back into my face. It was like being hit with a luke warm, wet mop. Worst feeling ever. So I get back to Aunties house, with most of the piss dried off, but my crotch is still soaked. I search frantically while avoiding mom's and auntie's view. I find nothing and give up after half an hour. I'm so pissed (no pun intended) that I was just going to tear the goddamn cardboard with my handy dandy Swiss Army Knife. I figure I must have just left it at home anyway. I get back home after another 45 minutes of piss soaked crotch, tear the cardboard, get inside, and there's my key, in my other pants.
One cardboard and a self served golden shower later.....here I am. Did I miss anything?
....its sad but it is funny for a person who is reading it..... 
.......well mines was pretty boring....(as usual)..just went out and ate.. 
......thats about it 
Comment