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The struggle of the Bolsahye
by Sheyda Bogosyan
Recently I was prompted to think back to my younger days: back when I was six or seven years old (the good old days, or so they say). I can't lie being young definitely had its perks, but it was also pretty stressful having to deal with all the new things that one encounters at that age.
My family and I moved to America when I was six years old, so that would mean that I began the first grade in the U.S. This was a strange experience for me because although I was not the only student who had just began attending Manoogian Elementary School, I felt like everyone knew each other but me. This may have been because I began school about two weeks later then everyone else since we had literally just moved. The fact that I did not speak a word of English did not help but regardless, I was lucky enough to be given the opportunity to go to a school where I could speak an alternate language for the purpose of communication: Armenian.
Although I felt a sense of comfort being at an Armenian school where everyone had a common culture, I still felt like I did not completely fit in. Something was different about me, and I could not put my finger on it for the longest time. I felt as though I always had to prove myself to everyone around me, because I sensed that they would not accept me for who I was. Just recently, I came to come to the realization that the reason I felt this way was because I was Bolsahye. I knew from my family and from school that Turkey had committed the Genocide and that they had inflicted a great deal of pain upon the Armenian people, but I had trouble figuring exactly where that put me. Not only was I a six year-old who had trouble conceptualizing the Genocide in my head, but I also had to figure out how I fit into this picture. I knew that I was born in Turkey and that I spoke Turkish, but I was Armenian, and I spoke Armenian too. But I wondered why I was the ONLY one who seemed to know Turkish. Did that mean that I was part Turkish? Why did we live in Turkey if it was such a bad place? Not only did I have the burden of trying to answer these question in my own head at such a young age, but I also had to deal with trying to justify myself to my peers who spoke with the carefree yet cruel honesty that children are known to have.
I recall an incident very clearly in first grade in which one of my teachers was teaching us a patriotic Armenian song and random students began asking questions about the song. The teacher made a comment along the lines of "Turkey is bad". Being the impulsive six year-old that I was, I immediately added, "But Turkish people aren't bad". Her response at the time was, "Well, some aren't bad, but most are". After that day, I learned never to open my mouth again about this topic. Silence, however, did not reflect the activity in my mind. For years after that, I tried to rationalize how I was from Turkey, yet I was Armenian. This concept began making more sense to me as I grew older, but I always found it frustrating having to explain myself to others.
To this day, I come across people whose first words to me are "Oh, you're Bolsahye. So does that mean that you're part Turkish?" The answer seems obvious to me, but for those who have been raised with the mentality that any word containing the term "Bolis" must be bad, I feel the need to not only explain myself, but defend myself as well. This can be exemplified with the question that most often follows, "Does that mean that you speak Turkish at home?", and my response to this is, "we speak both Armenian and Turkish at home". Many times, people add, "I've noticed that most Bosahyes speak Turkish at home." in a demeaning manner. Then I begin to explain that may be and how most of their grandparents probably also speak Turkish fluently. Ultimately, it seems as though there is a stigma against being Bolsahye among some individuals in the Armenian community. I cannot say all, or even most, because I have come across many people who are very educated and civil about the matter. Unfortunately, I have also come across those who are more blunt and insensitive concerning it and it has definitely been a task trying to justify myself to them. In the end, though, it has made me a stronger Armenian because I grew up looking back at my roots and trying to figure out how I came to be who I am today.
In closing, I wonder if kids today deal with these issues in any way. Although most Armenian children today are born here and have not emigrated from different lands, they may be going through these cycles in their heads in a slightly different manner. This is a good thing to look for when interacting with children and it is also important to watch what is said to them. This is especially important for teachers to consider because they make a huge impact on the views that most children hold and the levels of confidence and pride that they possess in where they came from, who they are, and the ultimate cause that they are fighting for.
Source: http://www.oia.net/Voice/200307/articles/36.asp
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