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On 'friends'...

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  • #1

    On 'friends'...

    We are not defined by the things we allow ourselves to be defined by. There's a thought. Do you ever wonder if you'll find someone, or someone's, not a lover, or lovers, but a friend, friends who will be able to define who you are, and not what you allow yourself to be defined by and who you will be able to define in turn? I wonder about that. I don't have anyone like that. Is that strange? To have an easier time finding someone to love than someone to be real friends with? How's that for strange? Maybe friends are just supposed to be for drinking and hanging out and shooting the sh!t with a few times a week and not such a big deal I think they should be? Maybe.
    Last edited by ckBejug; 08-22-2005, 04:09 PM.
    The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
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  • #2
    Originally posted by ckBejug
    We are not defined by the things we allow ourselves to be defined by. There's a thought. Do you ever wonder if you'll find someone, or someone's, not a lover, or lovers, but a friend, friends who will be able to define who you are, and not what you allow yourself to be defined by and who you will be able to define in turn? I wonder about that. I don't have anyone like that. Is that strange? To have an easier time finding someone to love than someone to be real friends with? How's that for strange? Maybe friends are just supposed to be for drining and hanving out and shooting the sh!t a few times a week and not such a big deal I think they should be? Maybe.
    I don't want to be defined by friends. I want my actions and behaviour to define myself to others. Friends can also indirectly define myself to others, because they reflect my priorities and preferrences in relationships and other humans. But, what if I'm sucked into a temporary relationship with a negative, mean-spirited person. It could happen and I wouldn't want others to make final judgments of me through my friends.

    As far as friends influencing me and my character, that's also scary. It happens whether you like it or not, which is why it is important to choose relationships with people who influence you positively.

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    • #3
      lol Bejug, you erased your own post. There's the top benefit of being a mod. You can remove your own posts you don't like to be kept on the record.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by karoaper
        lol Bejug, you erased your own post. There's the top benefit of being a mod. You can remove your own posts you don't like to be kept on the record.
        Anyone can remove their own posts.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by TomServo
          Anyone can remove their own posts.
          lol I'm a newb.

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          • #6
            I didn't delete anything, i just edited it to shorten it and it went on the previous page instead of this one.
            The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald

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            • #7
              Originally posted by karoaper
              I don't want to be defined by friends. I want my actions and behaviour to define myself to others. Friends can also indirectly define myself to others, because they reflect my priorities and preferrences in relationships and other humans. But, what if I'm sucked into a temporary relationship with a negative, mean-spirited person. It could happen and I wouldn't want others to make final judgments of me through my friends.

              As far as friends influencing me and my character, that's also scary. It happens whether you like it or not, which is why it is important to choose relationships with people who influence you positively.
              That's not exactly what I mean. Whether I worded it right or not, what I meant was, you can put up an 'everything is great' front and people will buy it. I guess I assume a real friend would be someone who wouldn't buy it and would actualy know you well enough to see through the facade.

              Furthermore, I meant that I don't have a friendship like that, though I would love to have one. It's not for lack of trying, believe me. It's just that some people go through 'friends' as need be, for their own purposes. Oh yeah, you're my friend, as long as I need you. When all s well and I don't need a helping hand, then I don't need your friendship. It seems like this is the type of people I come across, and considering the fact that I tend to go out of my way to be helpful to others, it ends up biting me in the ass. I've yet to have a mutually beneficial friendship in which we both know eachother so well, can define to eachother who/what we really are, and can see through all the b.s. in the good times AND when the going gets rough.
              The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald

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              • #8
                Originally posted by ckBejug
                That's not exactly what I mean. Whether I worded it right or not, what I meant was, you can put up an 'everything is great' front and people will buy it. I guess I assume a real friend would be someone who wouldn't buy it and would actualy know you well enough to see through the facade.

                Furthermore, I meant that I don't have a friendship like that, though I would love to have one. It's not for lack of trying, believe me. It's just that some people go through 'friends' as need be, for their own purposes. Oh yeah, you're my friend, as long as I need you. When all s well and I don't need a helping hand, then I don't need your friendship. It seems like this is the type of people I come across, and considering the fact that I tend to go out of my way to be helpful to others, it ends up biting me in the ass. I've yet to have a mutually beneficial friendship in which we both know eachother so well, can define to eachother who/what we really are, and can see through all the b.s. in the good times AND when the going gets rough.
                The kind of friendship you're talking about comes one in a million. The reason is those kinds of friendships are scary and people are by-and-large emotional cowards. You're not obviously one, as you want that kind of friendship even it means the free flow of brutal honesty between true friends. Heck, even family members can't be that honest and close to each other sometimes. It's exactly why after 10 years marriages fall apart. On the 10th year, that space that people guard with their lives was breached and they couldn't handle it. I think that besides being very rare, those kinds of friendships take entire lives to develope, just like very often the truest love will form only on the diamond anniversary and no sooner.

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