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* Your wife wants a diamond for her birthday, and you get her a Diamond Stealth Video Card.
* You know what PPP, SLIP, HTML & FTP mean...but darned if you can remember your wife's maiden name.
* You sit in front of the TV trying to type at a keyboard.
* You find out that hemorrhoids aren't THAT painful, as long as you're on the 'Net.
* When someone yells out "What's for supper?" you do a search for SUPPER.COM.
* You suspect there's a virus in your mashed potatoes.
* If you smoke away from the machine, you notice that the breaks are getting shorter and less frequent.
* The optometrist looks deep in your eyes, and sees a screen saver.
* You finally save up enough to visit the Grand Canyon, and you can't help but wonder how it would look on a 21" SVGA.
* "Not tonight, I have a headache" has been replaced with "Not tonight, I finally got connected."
* Your computer room has a better air conditioner than your bedroom.
* You wonder if you can install your own fiber optics telephone line to your server.
* You speak of "Your Server" with the same reverence you used to reserve for your Doctor.
* You never met the guy, but you've already decided on a plan to assassinate Bill Gates.
* You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.
* When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very disappointed to find that it's on TV.
* If while driving down the street, you are confused by the numbers on the houses - they do not appear to be legitimate WWW addresses.
* When you find it easier to dial-up the National Weather Service Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look out the window.
* When you start using phrases like: [email protected].
* If you call in sick because you found a great new WWW site.
* If you can type your top 10 favorite Web sites, by heart.
* If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36 hours.
* If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because you're exceeding 300 hours a month connect time.
* If on the way home from work, you use your portable and cellular phone in your car, to reprogram a Tomahawk missile, in flight, and redirect it to take out the joker in the Cadillac who cut you off.
* When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.
* If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.
* You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
* You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.
* Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.
* Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.
* You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com"
* Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV.
* You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
* Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
* All of your friends have an @ in their names.
* When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
* Your dog has its own home page.
* Your phone bill is a heavy as a brick.
* You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
* Your husband tells you that he has had the beard for 2 months.
*You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" -- even though you don't have a job.
* You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
* Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
* You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.0 or higher."
* You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.
* The last girl you picked up was only a GIF.
* You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
* Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
* As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
* You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.
* You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
* You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.
* You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.
* You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.
* You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com.
* You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.
* When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really depressed.
* You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen names and you never bothered to ask.
* You move into a new house and you decide to Netscape before you landscape.
* Your family always knows where you are.
* In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL"
* You know what PPP, SLIP, HTML & FTP mean...but darned if you can remember your wife's maiden name.
* You sit in front of the TV trying to type at a keyboard.
* You find out that hemorrhoids aren't THAT painful, as long as you're on the 'Net.
* When someone yells out "What's for supper?" you do a search for SUPPER.COM.
* You suspect there's a virus in your mashed potatoes.
* If you smoke away from the machine, you notice that the breaks are getting shorter and less frequent.
* The optometrist looks deep in your eyes, and sees a screen saver.
* You finally save up enough to visit the Grand Canyon, and you can't help but wonder how it would look on a 21" SVGA.
* "Not tonight, I have a headache" has been replaced with "Not tonight, I finally got connected."
* Your computer room has a better air conditioner than your bedroom.
* You wonder if you can install your own fiber optics telephone line to your server.
* You speak of "Your Server" with the same reverence you used to reserve for your Doctor.
* You never met the guy, but you've already decided on a plan to assassinate Bill Gates.
* You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.
* When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very disappointed to find that it's on TV.
* If while driving down the street, you are confused by the numbers on the houses - they do not appear to be legitimate WWW addresses.
* When you find it easier to dial-up the National Weather Service Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look out the window.
* When you start using phrases like: [email protected].
* If you call in sick because you found a great new WWW site.
* If you can type your top 10 favorite Web sites, by heart.
* If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36 hours.
* If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because you're exceeding 300 hours a month connect time.
* If on the way home from work, you use your portable and cellular phone in your car, to reprogram a Tomahawk missile, in flight, and redirect it to take out the joker in the Cadillac who cut you off.
* When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.
* If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.
* You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
* You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.
* Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.
* Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.
* You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com"
* Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV.
* You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
* Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
* All of your friends have an @ in their names.
* When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
* Your dog has its own home page.
* Your phone bill is a heavy as a brick.
* You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
* Your husband tells you that he has had the beard for 2 months.
*You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" -- even though you don't have a job.
* You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
* Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
* You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.0 or higher."
* You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.
* The last girl you picked up was only a GIF.
* You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
* Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
* As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
* You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.
* You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
* You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.
* You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.
* You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.
* You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com.
* You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.
* When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really depressed.
* You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen names and you never bothered to ask.
* You move into a new house and you decide to Netscape before you landscape.
* Your family always knows where you are.
* In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL"
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