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Help Wanted

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  • #1

    Help Wanted

    HELP WANTED
    Must be a good typist and be good with a computer. Successful applicant must be bilingual.
    We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.

    A short time later a lovely golden retriever dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside.

    He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it, whined and pawed the air.

    The receptionist called the office manager.

    He was surprised, to say the least to see a canine applicant. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office.

    Inside, the dog jumped up on a chair and stared at the manager expectantly. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you must be able to type."

    The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to quickly type a perfect business letter.
    He took out the page and trotted over to the manager, gave it to him, then jumped back up on the chair.

    The manager was stunned, but told the dog, "That was fantastic, but I'm sorry. The sign clearly says that whoever I hire has to be good with a computer."

    The dog jumped down again, went to the computer and proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs, produced a sample spreadsheet and database, then presented them to the manager.

    The manager was dumbfounded! He said to the dog, "Hey, I realize that you are a very intelligent applicant and have fantastic talent, but you're a dog -- no way could I hire you."

    The dog jumped down and went to the sign in the window and pointed his paw at the words, "Equal Opportunity Employer."

    The exasperated manager said, "Yes, I know what the sign says. But the sign also says you have to be bilingual."

    The dog looked him straight in the eye and said, "Meow!!!"
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Help Wanted



    That's some funny xxxx, lol.
    THE ROAD TO FREEDOM AND JUSTICE IS A LONG ONE!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Help Wanted

      Actual employee evaluations:

      1."Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

      2."His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

      3."I would not allow this employee to breed."

      4."This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

      5."Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

      6."When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

      7."He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

      8."This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

      9."He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

      10."This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

      11."This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

      12."Got a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."

      13."A gross ignoramus--144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

      14."He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."

      15."He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

      16."I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

      17."He's been working with glue too much."

      18."He would argue with a signpost."

      19."He has a knack for making strangers immediately."

      20."He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

      21."When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

      22."If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

      23."A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

      24."A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

      25."Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

      26."Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

      27."Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

      28. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

      29."If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

      30."If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

      31."It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

      32."One neuron short of a synapse."

      33."Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

      34."Takes him two hours to watch '60 Minutes'."

      35."The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
      Hayastan or Bust.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Help Wanted

        amrita instead of posting it here, go post it on a job/classified website lol
        Positive vibes, positive taught

        Comment

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