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How to write a Paper.

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  • How to write a Paper.

    As I read this I fell off my chair. These 2 days I was in the process of writing my final paper. Now I know what is taking me sooooo darn long! I am sure all of you can relate, since according to the change thread we LOOOOOVE to procrastinate.
    ========================


    *Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

    *Check your email.

    *Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.

    *Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.

    *Check your email.

    *Stop off at another floor on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to

    *McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you her/her paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop him/her.

    *When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

    *Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

    *Check your email.

    *You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since the fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

    *Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

    *Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it. I mean it. as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.

    *Listen to the other side.

    *Check your email.

    *Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.

    *Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he/she has started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your professor, course, the university, the world at large.

    *Sit in a straight, comfortable chair. Have a Lifesaver. Savor its special flavor across your tongue.

    *Check your email.

    *Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. Note: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions:
    a) Pro Bowlers Tour
    b) any movie starring Don Ameche

    *Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on Channel 26.

    *Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he/she was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.

    *Check your email.

    *Look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror. (I usually look for pimples, but occasionally check my tongue as well)

    *Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.

    *Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future. (That is soooo true)

    *Open our door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.

    *Check your email.

    *Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

    *Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it. (All the time)

    *Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

    *Lie face down on the floor and moan. (AHAHAHHAHAHAH!)

    *Check your email.

    *Leap up and write the paper.

    *Type the paper, and while you're at it, check your email.

    *Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to
    write that darn paper.


    .......................And my personal addition

    * Reach a record of 67 posts in AC forum, all in one day, in an attempt to write your paper.

    I tell you, all that typing combined, I would have written 20 papers. But I am not known for my logic, I'm a woman after all.

  • #2
    hahahahaha
    this is classic....... so true... hehe

    (u wrote 67 posts just today? )

    Comment


    • #3
      No, yesterday. I've lost count by now. I don't remember if I've ever participated this avidly. The list is absolutely lovely, it just speaks to you, you know?

      Comment


      • #4
        AAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! I got an almost identical (there are some amusing variations, but most of it is the same) forward in my email my freshman year in college, when I was actually living on campus. This thing is so accurate, it's sad. All of my papers that I wrote in college that year were written between the hours of 5-6am, having spent the entire time in front of the computer "writing" it the night before. It's good to know that I'm not crazy, and that other people are like this.

        How to write a paper in college:

        1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lit place in front of
        your computer.

        2. Log onto AIM and MSN (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.

        3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.

        4. Go and grab a cold piece of Pizza from the kitchen to help you
        concentrate.

        5. Check your email.

        6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to the cafe and grab a hot chocolate. Just to get settled down and ready to work.

        7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lit place. And if your room is not clean, take out the
        garbage and vacuum first.

        8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

        9. Check your email.

        10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

        11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

        12. Grab some mp3z off of Kazaa.

        13. Check your email.

        ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!

        14. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future (ie summer plans).

        15. Check your email.

        16. Listen to your new mp3z and download some more.

        17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your prof, the course, the college, the world at large.

        18. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out.

        19. While you've got the gum you may as well buy a magazine and read it.

        20. Check your email.

        21. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.

        22. Play some Solitaire.

        23. Check out bored.com.

        24. Get a soda.

        25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't
        started either.

        26. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who
        everyone is.

        27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

        28. Check to see if bored.com has been updated yet.

        29. Check your email and listen to your new mp3z

        30. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule.

        31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.

        32. Scoot your chair over to the window and watch the sunrise.

        33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

        34. Punch the wall and break something.

        35. Check your email.

        36. Mumble obscenities.

        37. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am - paper is
        finished.

        38. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper all night.

        39. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by anileve
          No, yesterday. I've lost count by now. I don't remember if I've ever participated this avidly. The list is absolutely lovely, it just speaks to you, you know?
          hehehe yea.. sometimes i hear it saying to me "ure a dumbass because ure like this.." lol

          actually, it reminds me more of when i was in high school or cégép than of now.. i havent had to write an assignment (using words) in a very long time, & im not like the list says when it comes to writing music

          Comment


          • #6
            Flames, what's up with us today! I am following in your footsteps. And I like your list more.

            16. Listen to your new mp3z and download some more. ---------- Let's just say that to confirm this line, I can confidently say that my music collection grew tremendously today.

            18. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out. <---------- this is funnay! Usually it's the cigs for me.


            7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lit place. And if your room is not clean, take out the
            garbage and vacuum first. <---- that's more like it, unlike in the previous one, where you pencils are sharpened. I mean does anyone do that anymore?

            17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your prof, the course, the college, the world at large.

            Ardenik: I hear that saying all the time, loud and clear, interestingly enough I am immune to it. Or perhaps I am an academic masochist?

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by anileve
              Flames, what's up with us today! I am following in your footsteps. And I like your list more.
              its not just u, shes everywhere today

              Originally posted by anileve
              Ardenik: I hear that saying all the time, loud and clear, interestingly enough I am immune to it. Or perhaps I am an academic masochist?
              masochism@ meg goghm.... i truly believe one performs best (& by far) when under pressure, facing a deadline... wouldnt u agree?

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by ardenik
                its not just u, shes everywhere today
                Yes, I've been a lazy bum today.

                Originally posted by ardenik
                masochism@ meg goghm.... i truly believe one performs best (& by far) when under pressure, facing a deadline... wouldnt u agree?
                Totally!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by sSsflamesSs
                  Yes, I've been a lazy bum today.
                  And I am so glad that you have, otherwise I would be one very lonely masochist, cluttering the forums like a maniac.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    i came up with every one of my jazz composition assignments last year late & stoned... loll & i am very proud of each one of them

                    they were always due for the monday morning 9am composition class & i hadnt written a single note for any one of them any time before midnight sunday night. & thats really the absolute soonest i would put my pencil to paper!

                    one of them, i actually wrote while driving to school on the monday morning! i looked like such a wierdo driving & singing out loud with the radio off & a pencil in my mouth.. lol i almost got into a couple of accidents driving with my thighs while i was writing the sh!t down!! haha

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