A few jokes...

[ckBejug]

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Ummm, would you mind if I chatted with you for awhile?"

She responds by yelling at the top of her lungs, "NO, I WON'T SLEEP WITH YOU TONIGHT!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed, and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds at the top of his lungs, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 200 DOLLARS?!!!"

[ckBejug]

The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.

She said "Well, he was a big muscular and handsome sailor."

"Well, what did he want to do?" they all asked.

She said, "I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn't have that much. So I told him that oral sex would be $75, but he didn't have that much either. Finally I said, well how much do you have? The sailor said that he only had $25. So I told him for $25 all I can do is service you by hand. He agreed and after getting the finance straight, he pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then a second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand."

"Oh my god!" they all exclaimed, "It must have been huge. Then what did you do?"

"I loaned him $75!" she said.

[ckBejug]

Doctors at a hospital in San Francisco have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs.

[ckBejug]

Letters from college

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.

With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, Your $on.

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad

-----

Dear Dad,

No mon.
No fun.
Your son.

Dear Son,
Too bad.
Too sad.
Your dad.

[aeodelta]

good stuff ck...

killed some time at work.

[dusken]

Doctors at a hospital in San Francisco have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs.

This was the one that made me laugh.

[ckBejug]

Thank you, thank you. I shall try to find more next time I get a break.

[IvyLipstick]

We need to work on your definition of a "few."

[ckBejug]

We need to work on your definition of a "few."

Indeed. Good thing you can help me with the definition of a FEW things, apparently, including the word 'ornery'.

THANKS!

[dstyle]

Hahaha the marriage one is hillarious.