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    THE LATEST VIRUSES

    The George Bush Virus

    Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.

    The Ronald Reagan Virus

    Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

    The Bill Clinton Virus

    Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory.

    The Al Gore Virus

    Causes your computer to just keep counting and re-counting.

    The Bob "Viagra" Dole Virus

    Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

    The Monica Lewinsky Virus

    Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails everyone about what it did.

    The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus

    Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.

    The Mike Tyson Virus

    Quits after two bytes.

    The Oprah Winfrey Virus

    Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 150 GB

    The Ellen Degeneres Virus

    Disks can no longer be inserted.

    The Prozac Virus

    Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

    The Joey Buttafuoco Virus

    Only attacks minor files.

    The Lorena Bobbitt Virus

    Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy...then discards it through Windows.
    How do you hurt a masochist?
    -By leaving him alone.Forever.
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