Prison escape.

[Emil]

A prisoner escapes from his California prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it.

He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and while he gets on top of her, he kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

While he is in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he kissed your neck . If he wants intercourse, don't resist, just do what he tells you! This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very attractive, and asked if we kept any vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too..

[sSsflamesSs]

*high-fives the wife*

Here's another one.

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.

Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams,

"OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE xxxxING DISHES!!"

[Emil]

Good one. Here is another one. Note: (for the slow people) This is not a story about ME, this is a RANDOM story. 8)

I have never felt better. I was with my girlfriend for a year and we were going to get married. Our parents helped us in anyway they could. Our friends supported us.

The only thing that bothered me is her younger sister. She was 20 years old and always wore mini skirts and tight clothes. When I was around she would always bend down next to me and reveal her panties. I knew she did this only when I was around to annoy me.

One day this younger sister of hers calls me and says that she needs me to help her move. When I came to her house I realized she was there alone. She told me I was about to get married and that she wanted me for a very long time. She admited that she could not do anything with her sexual intentions towards me. She said she wants to have sex with me just one time before I get married to her sister. I was very surprised and didn't know what to say.

She told me, "I am going upstairs, if you want you can just follow me and take me". When she came up she took off her panties and threw them to me. I was shocked and really surprised. I stood there for a while and went downstairs to the door. I came out of the house and went to the car. Outside was her dad, crying with a smile on his face. "We are very happy with the decision that you made, this was our little test to see if you were loyal to your future wife, now I know you are the man for her, welcome to our family", he said.


Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.

[sSsflamesSs]

And I'm impressed that you made it clear for the slow people that it's not you, since guys always celebrate when they score, hahaha.