Dilemma

[SagGal]

Lose, I disagree with you! You can't tell the person that you don't want to date him/her because you find him/her unattractive. That is just plain rude.

Dan, looks are very important since looks are the first things that attract two people to each other and decide on their relationship (most of the time). You are just fond of the person's personality, but do not find them attractive. That is normal, but do not tell X that you don't find him attractive. Stay friends with X and you two can still go out as friends. Do not go out with X as the type of going out on a date because X will think that you want to be more than friends with him. Do not lead him on. You got that? :-) It will be pretty rude of you to cancel that date with X after the pic was sent because X will get the hint that it's because of his looks or w/e. Suck it up and go out on the first date, but don't make it seem that you want another date. If X asks you out and gives you pretty straightforward hints that he wants to be more than friends with you, you can just simply say, "I have too much stuff going on with me and honestly I don't want to date right now," or something like that. Don't be too honest with them, and by too honest, I mean telling them that you don't find them attractive. That is just RUDE and to others you're probably not a prize yourself.

[loseyourname]

Are you calling Dan ugly?

As I said, I've never had any trouble just being honest with people. "You're a nice gal, but I'm not attracted to you." What's the big deal? Nobody has ever refused to be friends with me after hearing that.

[SagGal]

Lose, I'm not calling Dan ugly. I've never even seen the guy.
I just said that to convince him not to tell X that he/she is ugly because how would he feel if someone called him unattractive, which is why I guess I sort of called him unattractive.

I just think it's rude to tell someone they are unattractive because people can be emotional when it comes to their appearance. Honesty hurts sometimes.

[Darorinag]

lol, well, just to make it clear, this isn't a situation that applies to me, the guy hasn't even asked me out yet. I was just asking a hypothetical question, and I've been in that situation before, so I wanted to know what you guys thought. Just for future reference.

Yeah, I don't think I would tell the guy that I don't find him attractive, etc. But at the same time, I have difficulty finding the right excuse, because sometimes they just press too much, and you have to give in and go on a second date. This has happened to me, btw. It's sad when you try to be nice and all, and get stuck in the process.

Are you calling Dan ugly?

Are you calling me hot? haha.... nah, many people have told me I'm ugly, right in my face. I don't care.

I agree with both loseyourname and SagGal, in one way or another. I agree that I wouldn't settle for someone I don't find attractive. But the dilemma here is that when you seem so much in love with the way he talks and the things he says, etc., but you're not sexually/physically attracted to them.... Which one to choose? I know, there's no perfect guy/girl, but I think looks are very important, in my books anyway...

[Darorinag]

Oh, and then there was this girl I knew (and was friends with) and I asked her once if she wanted to go and have coffee (well, I guess she picked up the hint), and I guess she didn't find me attractive, and she said she wasn't ready to date anyone yet, since she was just over a break-up. The next day, she came and started talking to me, and she was like, I had a date with a guy last night... Ouch, that hurt... Being lied to hurts. I'd rather if she had just told me she wasn't interested in me because of my looks (or maybe personality, who knows...). That was just plain rude, coming and talking to me about her date when she had said she wasn't ready to date anyone just yet....