One of My Songs.. Check It Out If Interested

[One-Way]

This is one of my songs I finished about a week ago. I doubt it'll be used for anything, so take it for what it is. If anything, it'll be on my upcoming mixtape, still not sure. It's called, "Down The Road" and it talks to life as if it was a human, and I wrote it as if we have a relationship. All I get here is hate because of rap, so the haters are welcome to drop some nonsense.

http://s12.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=3MTOW9Y128TJN1GIG8I2T9OP3V

[Intro]
Lord..
I just wanna say..
I'm thankful for everything you've ever done..
But sometimes,
I just don't get it.
I don't understand..
Why do what you do?
Why take all these innocent people? (What am I supposed to do now?)
Take ME instead.. (You took my family)
Why not just end it for me right now? (I've got no one)
I don't know what to do anymore..
But I hope you keep lookin' out for me.. (God, please answer me)
Until the day I,
Come home.. (I love you)


[Verse 1]
It's a battle within, which I'll never win
If I get through this, I promise to never sin again
If I live through this, and you give me a second chance
I'll keep a straight back, never retrace my path.
I'll forget the past, never look back
Always keep on track, and always do the math.
Off the bat, I can say I got no friends, all alone,
So when I'm awake in the morning, I've got no one.
I look around and see happy couples, knowin' the humble
Look through my life, and all I see misfortune and trouble..
I'm a nervous wreck, yet you're left strong
My heart's been broken to pieces and stepped on.
You were always there for me, better and for worse
Better yet, you were the first,
Should've left me while I was hurt.
Now I'm down the road, crying in the rain
Trying to regain, my name, by trying it all over again..

[Chorus x2]
I'm going down the road, all alone
And I can't find home, freezing in the cold.
No one knows, what I've been through
If I could only show, how much I love you.


[Verse 2]
I'm just a kid, confused and misled
Sitting in darkness, listening to the voices in my head.
The noise said I'm next to be dead
But God wouldn't take my life until I take theirs.
We're all human, learning from our mistakes
Life is one long dream, death comes when you awake.
And I'm far in this nightmare, I gotta live
I gotta see my kids, and meet my final chick.
Why is our relationship love and hate
Because we love to hate, each other,
And at the same time, hate to love each other.
I'm just like every other person you know
With emotions bottled up, which I just can't show.
And it grows, within, I do this all for you
'Till it becomes too much to take, and I take it on you.
If it wasn't for you, I would be gone, end up lost
I pay the price for livin', but i can't afford the cost..

[Chorus x2]
I'm going down the road, all alone
And I can't find home, freezing in the cold.
No one knows, what I've been through
If I could only show, how much I love you.

[Verse 3]
I look up to you, more than anyone else
And when I'm struggling, you're the one I come to for help.
When I'm down and no ones around,
You're always beside me, watching me, without making a sound.
It's a sense of security, when the times are hard
You'll always be with me, until my number is called.
No matter what happens, no matter what I do
You look past the lies, and always search for the truth.
You made me honest, loyal, and keep me to my word,
Even when I'm hurt, you keep me right down on earth.
It'ss love I can't describe, a vibe that can't be tried,
It can't be right, I think about us every night.
It's too perfect to be true, but on the other hand
I'm mad, because you're two faced, and you'll never undestand.
You put me through hell, even when I'm in a situation
Where my heart's racin', i keep pacin', patiently waitin' for the date..

[Chorus x2]
I'm going down the road, all alone
And I can't find home, freezing in the cold.
No one knows, what I've been through
If I could only show, how much I love you.

[One-Way]

At least come in here and say, "No one's interested"

Drop SOME sort of feedback. Don't sleep, wake up

[K0nArtist]

Cool song.

[Siamanto]

At least come in here and say, "No one's interested"

Drop SOME sort of feedback. Don't sleep, wake up

The idea of the Intro is good but I find it a little cheesy and "crowded." Less text and a little bit of emotion/anger and spice may help!
Overall, the song is easy to listen, the music is agreeable, it groves and one can sing along the Chorus. That is good!
Personally, I find that the text is a little "dense" and not enough silences in your rap. I would use less text, but more "catchy" statements that can be remembered!
Also, you're not always in tempo and the rhyme does not always follow the music; a good example would be:

"It can't be right, I think about us every night."


Keep the good work and thank you for sharing!

[One-Way]

^ That's good considering this song isn't gonna be used for anything. It took a few minutes to write, and a little more to record/put together. The real songs are coming soon. Thanks for checking it out

BTW, does this one song, automatically make me everyones favorite Armenian rapper? Considering all the other sucky ones, I personally think I'm in the top. I know all the Armenian Rappers, and the realest one's are One-2 and Marvelous

[Siamanto]

BTW, does this one song, automatically make me everyones favorite Armenian rapper? Considering all the other sucky ones, I personally think I'm in the top. I know all the Armenian Rappers, and the realest one's are One-2 and Marvelous

We can grade you only after you give us your copy of the tests! Is that fair enough?

Good luck and work hard!

[One-Way]

On it's way. Believe it

[Siamanto]

On it's way. Believe it

We'll be watching you!

[One-Way]

Watching me? As I record..?

[LadySilver]

Ya were gonna watch you as you record =P It was really good I like it. Keep up the good work.