Just to type...

[loseyourname]

It's cool, man. Just say who you're talking about next time. Whether you intend to or not, I'm sure you'd rather not insult everyone who reads your post. You seem like a very tender guy. I feel for you when it comes to your friends. Most of my best friends live out of state, and I almost never see them. It does hurt to talk to so many people I love dearly knowing that I can't do anything more than talk. On the flip side, whenever I'm moving around the country, I've always had a place to stay.

Anyway, you make me sad, Arvy. It's always the best people that are left feeling the worst.

[Arvestaked]

I refuse to say who I am talking about. That is worse. If people were not busy misinterpretting my words we would not have this issue. I did not attack the entire forum. Why would I turn my thread into a flaming thread for no good reason at all. That is preposterous.

[ckBejug]

Originally posted by Arvestaked I refuse to say who I am talking about. That is worse. If people were not busy misinterpretting my words we would not have this issue. I did not attack the entire forum. Why would I turn my thread into a flaming thread for no good reason at all. That is preposterous.

Awww, you guys just need to relax, I love you all, and it's going to be ok.... I am on the verge of the worst 5 months of my life and I find myself at this exact moment happier than I've been for a while, a long long while. Perhaps ridiculously happy, happy for no reason at all, and for every reason you can think of. I wish I could rub off on all of you. At least we can ring in the New Year with high hopes? If anything, just crack a tiny smile for me... Pleeeeaaaaasy please with sugar on top? I hear ya about the friends thing. I miss the shelter of school that provided easy access to friends, just a walk away, who are now in grad/med/law school or working in their hometowns, or away vacationing with their boyfriends, or making families with their husbands. I feel in the middle of here and nowhere and it sucks, but I have to say you guys have been great to 'spend time with' and forget all that stuff by becoming addicted to the forum! Ok, has that been enough love for one evening? I wish you all the best tonight, don't drink and drive, Hapy New Year, and Muuuuuuuuuuah a kiss for anyone who, like me, has never been kissed on New Year Eve except for by family members by the dozen....

[loseyourname]

Originally posted by ckBejug I wish you all the best tonight, don't drink and drive, Hapy New Year, and Muuuuuuuuuuah a kiss for anyone who, like me, has never been kissed on New Year Eve except for by family members by the dozen....

This will be the first year in a while that I don't get kissed. I'll be kissing you in my dreams, ck.

[loseyourname]

Why I set myself up like this I don't know. I've been telling one of my best friends in Kansas City how it's been really nice to just sit around so much and not do anything after such a busy fall in which I never had any time to myself. This is what I get, I suppose. I'll feel better later, much like Nick Drake once mused. Tonight, however, being alone is actually a bit depressing. The beginning of the year 2003 was the best start to a year I have ever had, and even if I spent almost $400 (mind you, a lot for an unemployed college dropout, which I was at the time) having a good time with my girlfriend at the time, it was worth it. She deserved it, and lord knows she gave me more than I will ever be able to return, monetarily or otherwise. There are at least seven girls I can think that would gladly have spent the night with me, and I don't want any of them. Is that unnatural? Am I really that difficult to please? Am I really that sick of everybody I know? That is, the people that live in this state. I gladly would have spent even half a minute with Adele, Drew, Leigh, Jenny, Lisa, Devon, any of them.

Well, I guess I'm stuck here, and yes, by choice. Why I've made this choice; well, it seemed satisfying for a while. Now my satisfaction comes in being able to type in conversational vernacular without giving a xxxx. People are bringing me down. Even when I don't see them, they still find a way. You know who you are, and chances are you will read this at some point. You're not the only one. The worst of them was out partying in Brooklyn tonight, likely engaging in drunken sexual activities with strangers, while the best may very well have been quoting Rimbaud to his wallpaper, thinking it was a ghost he insists is still around.

Dodge a bullet and chances are you'll keep walking. Dodge a speeding car and you may fall over, but you will get up. When you choose to ride the current, it's a tad bit more difficult to dodge a steamboat. Don't bother asking because even I don't know what I'm talking about anymore.

[ckBejug]

"New Year's Day"

All is quiet on New Year's Day
A world in white gets underway
And I want to be with you
Be with you night and day
Nothing changes on New Year's Day

I will be with you one day
I will be with you one day

Under a blood-red sky
A crowd has gathered in black and white
Arms entwined, the chosen few,
The newspapers say, say, say it's true
And we can break through,
Though torn in two, we can be one

I will begin again, I will begin again
Oh and maybe the time is right
Oh maybe tonight

I will be with you one day
I will be with you one day

And so we are told this is the golden age
And gold is the reason for the wars we wage
Though I want to be with you
Be with you night and day
Nothing changes on New Year's day


For you.

[loseyourname]

I'll have to tell you the story of the high speed chase one day. That song was playing. Have you ever heard Jeff Buckley's rendition of "The Way Young Lovers Do?" It makes me want to return to the Wolf river and take a midnight swim.

You're the sweetest thing to ever grace this planet.

[Arvestaked]

I was in the car when the year turned. It was different. I have come to the realization that I am completely content with material things. I do not think about gaining material things anymore. I do not take my possessions and any other luxuries for granted. That makes me feel good. I eat regularly. I live in a great house. I can afford to make paintings. And I do not take my family for granted. I love them and appreciate them every day. Too bad everything still feels terrible inside. I have some real good quality color slide film in my camera but I do not know what to do with it because I hate color photography. The problem with it, from my point of view is that one cannot take a natural looking picture. Photography of something that feels natural is the kind I appreciate the most. With black and white photography, all one needs to worry about is values when one is considering composition, so finding a naturally beautiful image is a matter of artistic vision. But when one is factoring color into the composition it adds a problem that is difficult to solve. Natural images most likely do not have the proper colors in the proper places; it just is not how reality works. So a photographer finds himself composing the scenes by hand by taking things out of their natural contexts and placing them in unnatural situations in order for the picture to be artistically acceptable. A color photograph, for this reason, will almost always be corny or cliche or will look like product photography. Though there are exceptions, they are very few and far between. I guess I will go drink some coffee now.

[loseyourname]

I think people miss the point sometimes. Color photography was never meant to be art, at least it should't have been. The best you can hope for is to capture an artistic moment. I've always considered it a form of still documentary myself. The photography is only a chronicle; the art is in the life I live.

The only way I've been able to overcome the problem with color is to take photos of the desert, or of snowstorms, or to take all my photos at twilight. Even then, I rarely succeed. I feel for you - by the way, my camera has had no working battery in it now for at least six months. What happened?

I'm curious as to what you typically paint.

[Arvestaked]

No technology, like color film, is created with the intent of art unless it is technology intended to facilitate an existing art form. The intention of art is entirely at an individual level. That being said, there are many who intend on using color film as a form of artistic expression, not knowing that they are trapping themselves; at least, my opinion is that they are trapping themselves.

I paint squares.