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I’ve been unable to post for a few days and I'm pissed! I need my daily postage dosage just like a druggy needs his syringe, or a cop needs his nightstick ( hopefuly for benevolent purposes only ). I was very busy due to my rigorous school schedule and upcoming finals. I have also been busy at the intellectual hubs of the country teaching top secret stuff to brilliant postdoctoral students about the effects of minty farts on the atmosphere and the Greenhouse effect. I never did manage to convince them until it came to pass, after the evidence was visible on none other than the Krispy Creme donuts ( we SHOULD have had Duskens donuts but I didn't have enough money ) we had sitting there. Now please follow along as I clear my mind of science and environment and donuts and stuff and focus on the news that matters.
Sadly, the Lakers won *laffs*. In other news, our beloved government who doesn't sleep and spends night and day selflessly protecting our interests, because we are the people and stuff and we run the show, has told us important news to tell it's loving and awesomely superb people that we are due for terrorism this summer, and boy oh boy were they so kind as to take a few minutes and read ambiguous tip offs that we are expecting Al Qeada to strike big, and I mean big, not big as in a Big Mac, but big as in big, like the attack of the 50 foot tall woman or something.
After reading the article I would imagine why summertime would be the ideal time for the the terrorists to leave their cave in search of freedom loving peaceful and Democratic Americans that have been lately producing minty farts ( presumably I would imagine that THAT would be the reason terrorists hate us ) but we are told it's because we have freedom and stuff ( hmm freedom glazed donuts? just an idea ). Anyway the article was spiffy to say the least.
As stated by the same credible sources that said Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. Aside from benevolent and thoughtful warnings such as this ( because hopefully they do care about us, and are not saying this to simply put fear in us ), this won't do much to stop these attacks. We can die of terrorist attacks at any time and these warnings will mean nothing. However, I shall not speak before the grandeur and eminence of Lord Ashcroft who says that Americans should be "extra vigilant about their surroundings, their neighbors and any suspicious activity". Come to think of it, my neighbors have been acting really strangely lately, with all those kids in their house after school, fishy indeed, they could be strapping bombs to those kids! ( the horror
)
But relax, chill out, enjoy the delicious colored alert warning system ( sadly there will be no upgrades introducing new cool colors into it ) and enjoy your summer, for if you do find yourself in the process of dying because of evil and minty fart hating terrorists, you can rest assured that at least you died knowing you had a formal heads up from your very loyal and loving government. Thank you Big Brother.
Sadly, the Lakers won *laffs*. In other news, our beloved government who doesn't sleep and spends night and day selflessly protecting our interests, because we are the people and stuff and we run the show, has told us important news to tell it's loving and awesomely superb people that we are due for terrorism this summer, and boy oh boy were they so kind as to take a few minutes and read ambiguous tip offs that we are expecting Al Qeada to strike big, and I mean big, not big as in a Big Mac, but big as in big, like the attack of the 50 foot tall woman or something.
After reading the article I would imagine why summertime would be the ideal time for the the terrorists to leave their cave in search of freedom loving peaceful and Democratic Americans that have been lately producing minty farts ( presumably I would imagine that THAT would be the reason terrorists hate us ) but we are told it's because we have freedom and stuff ( hmm freedom glazed donuts? just an idea ). Anyway the article was spiffy to say the least.
Credible intelligence from multiple sources indicates that al-Qaida plans to attempt an attack on the United States in the next few months
As stated by the same credible sources that said Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. Aside from benevolent and thoughtful warnings such as this ( because hopefully they do care about us, and are not saying this to simply put fear in us ), this won't do much to stop these attacks. We can die of terrorist attacks at any time and these warnings will mean nothing. However, I shall not speak before the grandeur and eminence of Lord Ashcroft who says that Americans should be "extra vigilant about their surroundings, their neighbors and any suspicious activity". Come to think of it, my neighbors have been acting really strangely lately, with all those kids in their house after school, fishy indeed, they could be strapping bombs to those kids! ( the horror
)But relax, chill out, enjoy the delicious colored alert warning system ( sadly there will be no upgrades introducing new cool colors into it ) and enjoy your summer, for if you do find yourself in the process of dying because of evil and minty fart hating terrorists, you can rest assured that at least you died knowing you had a formal heads up from your very loyal and loving government. Thank you Big Brother.
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