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My ChildHood Dream!

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  • #1

    My ChildHood Dream!

    You see, ever since I was a kid, choking other kids with the yo-yo string and/or inserting matches in electric outlets, while occasionally taking a pause to enjoy some of the fruity flavors of Squeeze It's and Teddy Grahams while watching Power Rangers, I have always been fascinated by moustaches and beards. Ever since I saw that episode of Beavis and Butthead, in which they watched an 80s movie and saw how hot beards were and that it attracts chicks, and decided to cut their hair and super glue it to their face, I pictured myself as an emaciated pseudo intellectual with glasses and a beard in front of the radio on the AM airwaves boring people over 40 to their deaths, sort of like this guy, but the only chicks I would attract are women over 40 who like Opera and have cats ( I hate cats ).


    "Did you people know the fascinating fact that all governments are a monopoly of force in a given territory?"

    But anyway, beyond that I have always been intruiged by the truly godawful event every year, and which is almost upon us.

    The World Beard and Moustache Championships®
    http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/index.html


    You see, people from around the world gather together to compete in a very tough teeth grinding, stomach churning, and yawn inducing contest that involves wit, sweat, and some dazzling grooming habits of thy facial hair that you wont see anywhere else.

    You see, ever since I was a kid, I've wanted to be in this international event, to make my life seem more fullfilling. And sadly, again, this year, in spite of my qualifications I was not asked to be a judge. I don't get it, because honestly, I have what it takes. I have an appreciation for beards and moustaches and a forest fire of a desire to judge people's beards and moustaches. Ever since I was a kid I knew that I would one day be a world renowned beard and moustache critic. All I knew is that one day my words would be the force that makes or breaks people with facial hair. "Boris, your beard sucks, to the plucking machine you go!".

    While circumstances have led me astray from my early childhood dreams, I have not forgotten them. Also, I can relate to these competitors. I have a bond with them in the form of facial hair. While I don't personally have a beard or moustache, I often go weeks without shaving because of extreme laziness and a desire to look like a disheveled hobo. However, I have spent the great deal of my young adult life reading and re-reading this marvelous website.



    Feel free to talk about your childhood dreams that have never come to fruition because of some bad bad destiny!
    Achkerov kute.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    I always wanted to be 140 pounds...

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    • #3
      With the amount of carbohydrates and fatty acids these days a 140 lbs shouldn't be too hard of a goal to attain. My prayers are with you my child.

      I also have to apologize. I totally forgot there are females on this forum. This is about beards and moustaches. While I don't understand what it's like, I sympathize with the plight women face knowing that you will never be able to have something as wondrous as a beard or a moustache, to be able to let a simple patch of stubble grow into a living breathing monument, to give life where there is none. I only hope your petty womanly jealousy does not fill you with anger, blinding you from appreciating a quality beard or moustache.

      However, it should be noted, for record purposes, that goats are not humans, and goats also have beards. What makes goats unique is even the females have a beard!




      Goat fact #1: Both male and female goats can have beards!

      Goat fact #2: Goats don't have any upper front teeth!
      Achkerov kute.

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      • #4
        then they should be good french kissers.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by fIReBuRntInHeLL
          then they should be good french kissers.
          They'd suck yer tongue right in, like a vacuum sucking in a hairball ( most probably a hairball that was created by someone who had a beard and was shedding his hair ).
          Achkerov kute.

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          • #6
            They dont need tongue anyways, all they say is "mehehehhe mehehehe"

            hold on, is it mehheehe or behhhhehehehee?

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            • #7
              The real reason why I watched Looney Tunes so religiously was because of Yosemite Sam! He was a real bad ass with a beard and moustache and kicked ass ( despite being a midget )! I sat there hypnotized watching it, my jaw dropped and a saliva puddle forming on the carpet below me of where I sat and watched.

              Achkerov kute.

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              • #8
                I loved this character, because he looked like rabiz short red-bearded armenian mafioz.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by fIReBuRntInHeLL
                  I loved this character, because he looked like rabiz short red-bearded armenian mafioz.
                  Yes, and he's not the only famous character sportin a beard and a moustache. Our, good ole buddy Saddam, whom we put in power and financed, and then declared our own enemy, also had a nice beard and a moustache, and the pictures below show all the difference between excellent and not so excellent grooming habits, it most certainly affects our moods.



                  Achkerov kute.

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                  • #10
                    Goats say "meh" and sheep say "beh" I believe.

                    Nice pics. I am not a big fan of facial hair. Although it seems to be working for Saddam...do they not let the man shave now? That would be just wrong.

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