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For those of you who are like me, living a sad, trivial existence revolving around what sort of microwavable entree you will be consuming on a particular evening and (if possible to get on the brothers satellite television) watching The View while masturbating into a napkin, or browsing the forum every five minutes to see if there is a new post so you can read and possibly decide if you wish to reply because it feels like sooooo good to quote people and reply, which then adds to your post count (!), history is about as exciting as life gets. Before I go into the wonderful topic of history, I will like to announce that I just finished a play. Even though I do not share with anyone my artistic creations, I will give you a glimpse of what the play is about. It's a piece I've been working on since I was a high school student attending Marshall High School, while trying to avoid getting caught for ditching. I like to think of it as my first break into the world of art, even though I am (by a twist of fate) a history major. Please enjoy. The play is titled "Dance of Moron Man", and consists of 10 Acts.
ACT I, Hollywood, California 2000 (year of my graduation from High School)
Moron Man: Boy my feet hurt!
Me: Keep dancing Moron Man!
Moron Man: Ok.
And that's just one act folks! Think of the money this will generate. I no longer have to submit cheesy (and obviously fake) videos to America's Funniest Home Videos to win a cash prize.
But now I would like to take your attention away from the plight of gnomes for a change or my quick money making secrets which you can learn more about by simply PMing me, and focus on the real movers and shakers of history. Some people think they are the Illuminati conspiracy, or International Zionists, or the Mafia, or even the Republicans, but I digress. I will now reveal the true conspirators of this planet! It used to be believed that Dustin Diamond was in control of the world, from a secret bunker in Bayside High the new episode, but that proved to be urban legend thanks to Bush's re-election, re-election. Bush is a anti-anti-government candidate.
NO! The REAL movers and shakers of this planet, are far more cunning, secretive, manipulative, and silent and they never have bad breath, nor have a need for massive amounts of Listerine because they never open their mouth! Yes, they are MIMES!
Through the art of silence and hand movements, they have carefully managed to crawl into the highest offices of government and wage wars of imperialism, for satisfying their power lust, also to show the world that they can make noise, despite not speaking.
Millions of years ago when the aliens colonized earth and made humans a slave race to serve them Chai Latte's and Caramel Machiatto's, the Mimes travelled with them as the janitors for the aliens. Watching. Learning. Quiet. They were absorbing all the knowledge necessary to rule the world! Once Jesus came and the Bible was written, the Aliens left! But the Mimes stayed! Over time they have produced the variety of ideologies, religions, and inventions to help keep the human mind diverted and divided from its true goal, from learning how to make opinionated posts on internet forums with harmony, learning to use the PM function, to learning that driving in L.A. will get you a face to face meeting with an Asian, as you look at the damage of your car. Instead they have tried every effort to keep the humans from learning how to make popcorn on their own and not rely on corporations or microwaves. They have also spawned some of the greatest minds to further mislead us, that has further divided the humans into the worthless world of math, and numbers ( since we don't really need math for every life, other than maybe gambling which thankfully the Aliens taught humans how to do ).
Who do you think influenced both Hitler's ideas and fashion ( including mustache )? MIMES!
At this point, the Mimes have declared war on Iraq, where civilization first began, where the aliens first came, where the Mimes first learned the tricks of the trade to global power and dominance, and where the humans were as stupid as they are now not learning that two ply is better than no ply. There is no hope in preventing the coming apocalypso that the Mimes have in store for us, through the cunning use of missles filled with unreal amounts of BBQ sauce (which they learned from me when I submitted my obviously fake video to win a cash prize, because they were always watching me, as they are always watching you, yes, even when you are taking a shyt, which, I know is the worst feeling when you are bothered while takin a shyt, much less watched since its a peaceful pastime humans engage in). I know we have come a long way from the gentle dinosaurs who are now oil, to the Mimes who are now ruling the world secretly, but you must believe me. Its important to not lose sight of our egalitarian goals and beliefs and to be fair (and because diversity is a strength, even for Mimes), I cannot leave out the black Mimes, who also help control the world, but let only to control the areas of Compton, Inglewood and Africa.
Think of how rare Mimes are, yet how powerful they are. How many people do you personally know that are Mimes? Be honest now. When have you seen a Mime? Mimes are alot like Asians, you can never know what they are thinking, which is why they might possibly ally in the future. Such a sad tale is hard to believe, I know. As much as I would like to wish it is fiction, it is not. However, how can we make a difference? There are no easy answers to a long term solution, if there is a solution at all. Try suicide, if it helps. If not, then let's declare a War On Mimes! Come on I'm burning for war! I really want a War on Mimes! All this talk of Mimes and war, got me all hard and if I sit here much longer with this painful war erection and my pants off I'm eventually going to realize how sick it all is and get as limp as if I just noticed Dennis Haskins staring at me. Seriously, have you seen Dennis Haskins? He's become more like Bob Rooney.
Dennis Haskins....meet Bob Rooney.
ACT I, Hollywood, California 2000 (year of my graduation from High School)
Moron Man: Boy my feet hurt!
Me: Keep dancing Moron Man!
Moron Man: Ok.
And that's just one act folks! Think of the money this will generate. I no longer have to submit cheesy (and obviously fake) videos to America's Funniest Home Videos to win a cash prize.
But now I would like to take your attention away from the plight of gnomes for a change or my quick money making secrets which you can learn more about by simply PMing me, and focus on the real movers and shakers of history. Some people think they are the Illuminati conspiracy, or International Zionists, or the Mafia, or even the Republicans, but I digress. I will now reveal the true conspirators of this planet! It used to be believed that Dustin Diamond was in control of the world, from a secret bunker in Bayside High the new episode, but that proved to be urban legend thanks to Bush's re-election, re-election. Bush is a anti-anti-government candidate.
NO! The REAL movers and shakers of this planet, are far more cunning, secretive, manipulative, and silent and they never have bad breath, nor have a need for massive amounts of Listerine because they never open their mouth! Yes, they are MIMES!
Through the art of silence and hand movements, they have carefully managed to crawl into the highest offices of government and wage wars of imperialism, for satisfying their power lust, also to show the world that they can make noise, despite not speaking.
Millions of years ago when the aliens colonized earth and made humans a slave race to serve them Chai Latte's and Caramel Machiatto's, the Mimes travelled with them as the janitors for the aliens. Watching. Learning. Quiet. They were absorbing all the knowledge necessary to rule the world! Once Jesus came and the Bible was written, the Aliens left! But the Mimes stayed! Over time they have produced the variety of ideologies, religions, and inventions to help keep the human mind diverted and divided from its true goal, from learning how to make opinionated posts on internet forums with harmony, learning to use the PM function, to learning that driving in L.A. will get you a face to face meeting with an Asian, as you look at the damage of your car. Instead they have tried every effort to keep the humans from learning how to make popcorn on their own and not rely on corporations or microwaves. They have also spawned some of the greatest minds to further mislead us, that has further divided the humans into the worthless world of math, and numbers ( since we don't really need math for every life, other than maybe gambling which thankfully the Aliens taught humans how to do ).
Who do you think influenced both Hitler's ideas and fashion ( including mustache )? MIMES!
At this point, the Mimes have declared war on Iraq, where civilization first began, where the aliens first came, where the Mimes first learned the tricks of the trade to global power and dominance, and where the humans were as stupid as they are now not learning that two ply is better than no ply. There is no hope in preventing the coming apocalypso that the Mimes have in store for us, through the cunning use of missles filled with unreal amounts of BBQ sauce (which they learned from me when I submitted my obviously fake video to win a cash prize, because they were always watching me, as they are always watching you, yes, even when you are taking a shyt, which, I know is the worst feeling when you are bothered while takin a shyt, much less watched since its a peaceful pastime humans engage in). I know we have come a long way from the gentle dinosaurs who are now oil, to the Mimes who are now ruling the world secretly, but you must believe me. Its important to not lose sight of our egalitarian goals and beliefs and to be fair (and because diversity is a strength, even for Mimes), I cannot leave out the black Mimes, who also help control the world, but let only to control the areas of Compton, Inglewood and Africa.
Think of how rare Mimes are, yet how powerful they are. How many people do you personally know that are Mimes? Be honest now. When have you seen a Mime? Mimes are alot like Asians, you can never know what they are thinking, which is why they might possibly ally in the future. Such a sad tale is hard to believe, I know. As much as I would like to wish it is fiction, it is not. However, how can we make a difference? There are no easy answers to a long term solution, if there is a solution at all. Try suicide, if it helps. If not, then let's declare a War On Mimes! Come on I'm burning for war! I really want a War on Mimes! All this talk of Mimes and war, got me all hard and if I sit here much longer with this painful war erection and my pants off I'm eventually going to realize how sick it all is and get as limp as if I just noticed Dennis Haskins staring at me. Seriously, have you seen Dennis Haskins? He's become more like Bob Rooney.
Dennis Haskins....meet Bob Rooney.
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