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  • #1

    Growing apart from 'friends'

    "The most beautiful discovery that true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart."

    Have any of you guys ever found yourselves growing apart from friends you've had for a long time and found you no longer have anything in common with them? I've been through this thing recently that just made me realize that people I thought were my closest friends who I'd do anything for just weren't worth my time anymore. People I thought were good, quality people turned out not to be. I know just as well as the next person that friends come and go and usually it's not such a bad thing, and that along the way there will be those few friends we make that are truly worth holding on to. Unfortunately, it seems I haven't found those people yet. I am beginning to feel that friendships are only solid while circumstances dictate their necessity and when circumstances change so does the solidity of friendships which become loosened and unraveled. It's kind of a sad thought, if you think about it.... so is this a common thing, or only me?
    The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
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  • #2
    Yes, I went through this with all of my junior high friends. I changed in a way that doesn't allow me to be a part of such a group anymore (this is a good thing lol).

    My BEST friend from junior high is studying to be a minister. I am an Atheist. (This is just one example to illustrate the general) We changed a lot.

    The guy I almost married at 17 is a person I would not even associate with now. It is weird when you think about it....so much change.

    I suppose this is to be expected at this age. We naturally change as we grow and go from teen to adult.

    You're not the only one, and yes - it is a sad thought. We just have to stay true to ourselves and keep growing no matter where it takes us. You will make new friends for all the old ones you've lost, and they will be a better fit. It is really a good thing.

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    • #3
      I agree, it's happened to me.

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      • #4
        I guess I will consider myself the luckiest person in the world, when it comes to having friends. I have talked about my group of friends so much that I think you all must know about them. We have been together since high school, and every year, it's like our bond tightens. I'm telling you, I've had other friends who weren't as close, just disappear...but this group of 9 people just mean the world to me. I remember in high school, I had friends who wrote in my year book, "we don't need to say goodbye, because we'll always be together"...yea right. LOL Yea, friends like that do come and go. The friends I have now, however, came and stayed throughout everything. We have been through SOOOOOO much together and it seems that no matter the hurdle, we just come out stronger than ever before.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by violette829
          I guess I will consider myself the luckiest person in the world, when it comes to having friends. I have talked about my group of friends so much that I think you all must know about them. We have been together since high school, and every year, it's like our bond tightens. I'm telling you, I've had other friends who weren't as close, just disappear...but this group of 9 people just mean the world to me. I remember in high school, I had friends who wrote in my year book, "we don't need to say goodbye, because we'll always be together"...yea right. LOL Yea, friends like that do come and go. The friends I have now, however, came and stayed throughout everything. We have been through SOOOOOO much together and it seems that no matter the hurdle, we just come out stronger than ever before.
          Those are what I call "true friends". Don't have any at this point in real life. My "friends" are just people I like to associate myself with (and vice versa), and respect as people. I don't really have anyone I can come crying to. You should feel lucky, vi.

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          • #6
            Violette - I am in a similar situation as you are - still - after nearly 30 years! (yup) - there is a core group of perhaps a dozen to 15+ of us that keep very strong friendship bonds alive - even when some of us see each other infrequently - once a year perhaps - though most of us see each other every few months and many of us talk or correspond on a weekly basis and see each other at least every few weeks. We still do camping trips, biking and canoeing together as well as throw/attend parties and other functions together - and - for the most part its just as if we have been together as tight as ever. Its a very special thing. I've certainly experienced what Ck is talking about (where soem friends have drifted off or that the bond/chemistry etc is no longer there...) - not sure quite to ArmoBarbi's extreme (would like to think I picked my friends out pretty well - even when younger...though of course there have been a few duds along the way - friends who are now Congressmen and such - you know - not to be at all trusted yeah...). Yeah most folks are pretty amazed that our core group has maintained the way we have - and I have to take some credit - because I've always made the effort to keep contact with worthwhile folks (IMO)...and I've always been big into throwing (great!) parties - yeah...and many people have also commented how I've pretty much not changed much since I was in my teens (some folks used to call me "professor" even back then - ) - and much of that is certainly true. And while a lot of the old gang has changed quite a bit - its not always for the worse eh?

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            • #7
              Originally posted by ArmoBarbi
              Those are what I call "true friends". Don't have any at this point in real life. My "friends" are just people I like to associate myself with (and vice versa), and respect as people. I don't really have anyone I can come crying to. You should feel lucky, vi.
              Aww - thats such a shame really...a valuable thing to have - good friends, even if just one close friend to talk/confide/emote with etc....hope it changes for ya...

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              • #8
                Originally posted by ArmoBarbi
                Those are what I call "true friends". Don't have any at this point in real life. My "friends" are just people I like to associate myself with (and vice versa), and respect as people. I don't really have anyone I can come crying to. You should feel lucky, vi.
                Originally posted by winoman
                Aww - thats such a shame really...a valuable thing to have - good friends, even if just one close friend to talk/confide/emote with etc....hope it changes for ya...
                At the moment I am pretty much in the same boat. Except that I have my boyfriend, who means the world to me and is my best friend in ever sense of the word, as well I have my mother and more close my sister for that whole 'female friend to talk to' thing, but other than that, nill......
                The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by ckBejug
                  At the moment I am pretty much in the same boat. Except that I have my boyfriend, who means the world to me and is my best friend in ever sense of the word, as well I have my mother and more close my sister for that whole 'female friend to talk to' thing, but other than that, nill......


                  That's pretty much all you need. Even though it's a beautiful thing to have true friends, family is always going to be my backbone. My mother and I have a VERY close bond as well, and I don't think any friend in the world could ever substitute. Don't think that you have it worse than any of us, in fact, consider yourself lucky too!!

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                  • #10
                    I believe that it will change some day. It is a matter of being ready and meeting the right people.

                    My mom has a friend she grew up with in Azerbaijan, and still talks to on the phone and help each other. She has a friend who lives in Moscow and was in her first ever class in Baku when she started teaching who found her after all these years and now they talk on the phone.

                    I lost all my childhood friends when I left Russia. I have not met anyone here whom I was able to develop a true friendship with really, because I have been changing so much and "finding myself". Mixed with not being in a stimulating environment in a small suburban town in MI. lol I have had close relationships, but like I said before, they were not meant to last since I naturally grew out of them. Noone has fit yet. Maybe now that I am established as my own person, and I will be living at the university with interesting people finally.

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