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I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

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  • #1

    I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

    Let me start at the beginning and keep this as short as possible. My cousin, who is my age, and is someone I always go out with, has a problem. Sort of. You see, my cousin and I, along with my two friends are all family. We've known each other since day one. However, my cousin has been hanging out with two guys from his old high school. It's been about a year or so, maybe more.

    These guys really mean no harm, but they only use him for weed. Ever since he's been hanging out with him - he's been dressing like them, talking like them, and acting like them. He used to only smoke weed on occasions, but now, it's every day. A few times every day, too. He doesn't even hang out with us anymore. I can't remember the last time we even hung out. The way he dresses, talks, and acts has TOTALLY been affected. So much, that my family has noticed it too. I've talked to my mom and my sister about this, but never mentioned the weed. I only told them he dresses/talks like them.

    Recently, he got a tattoo without telling his parents. His parents are now devestated, hurt, and ashamed. He doesn't even care. I've had enough of sitting back, and I know it's too late, but I want to try and talk to him. But I do know he won't take me seriously, tell me it's nothing to worry about, and he might even take it offensively.

    I want to tell him he should really reconsider these "friends", because they're not true to him, unlike his real friends. He's become a very different person ever since he has started to hang out with them. Does anybody have any suggestions? How should I approach this? Talk to him with my two friends? Talk to him alone in private? How should I bring it up, should I just get straight to the point? I'm seriously worried for him, and I'm scared my two little cousins, one of which is his younger brother, will follow in his footsteps. Please help.
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  • #2
    Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

    Talk to him in private. He will undoubtedly get defensive around others. He will probably get defensive with you too but he will think about what you say. Tell him what a moron he is smoking weed.
    this post = teh win.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

      Instead of just talking, try listening to him too, see why he got the tattoo, what he really wants out of life, etc etc.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

        Yeah, I'll be listening, but I have more talking to do. I've been holding this in for years. I've been letting it slide, because we all mess around in life, but not to this point. I think he's at the point where he can really ruin his life, and I need to step in.

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

          My cousin, who is my age, and is someone I always go out with, has a problem. Sort of.
          No. No "sort of". It sounds like he has a problem. It sounds like you KNOW this, you just kind of want to soften it a bit.

          These guys really mean no harm
          Okay...

          but they only use him for weed.
          So, they are pot-heads and users. Can you HONESTLY say that they mean no harm? C'mon. If they really only use him for weed, then, what kind of people are they? AND, are you sure that they DO use him and wouldn't hang around him for no other reason?

          He used to only smoke weed on occasions, but now, it's every day. A few times every day, too. He doesn't even hang out with us anymore. I can't remember the last time we even hung out.
          This sounds like an anti-weed commercial. I'm not saying this to be a smart-alec. This sounds like commercials I've seen.

          Now, I'm not a psychiatrist, but yet, and again, I'm not asking to be a smart alec, but, I am going to ask, about this statement, how does this make you feel?

          You mention the way he talks and dresses...HOW does he talk and dress? Is he now a wigger? Is he a grunge kid? Is his speech slow and garbled? WHY does he want to mimic whatever he is mimicing?

          Just out of curiousity, what is the tattoo he got? AND, is this against Armenian custom...AND, for that matter, is he even Armenian...AAAAAANNNDDD...what do your other two friends think about all this? Have you discussed this with them? Have they offered you advice? Have they confided to you these same concerns?

          I am really concerned about this. IF he is Armenian, is he not proud enough of his own heritage to keep straight? I mean, WHY does he want to pretend to be somebody he's not?!!! (I'm sure you've struggled with this question for the past few years.) I find it sad whenever somebody's life is going downhill, but, IF this kid is an Armenian, I find it particularly troublesome. This may be the wrong way to look at this, but, for every Armenian trying to be something he/she is not or for every Armenian trying to kill himself -- the Turks win. THIS is why I am desturbed.

          I am truly concerned about the dependancy issue. He sounds like an addict...despite the research that it's impossible to get addicted to pot. WHY does he not want to be in the real world, both with you and just sober for one day? WHY does he want to do this to himself?!!

          I know it's hard to get close to somebody who doesn't want you close AND it's hard to get close with somebody you've lost touch with. If it were me, and, I have done this to get to the bottom of something (though, never drug related) with other friends, I'd stage an informal intervention with you and your other friends IF they feel the sameway you do. Maybe he'll take the three of you together more seriously...maybe he'll get more defensive, BUT, it WILL be on his mind. Please TRY to keep him away from pot...and those other "friends" he has. DON'T tell him NOT to see them because you don't have the right to tell him who he is and is not allowed to be friends with, but, WHY does he want to be with them?!!! (and, we're back at square one) AND, if they use HIM for weed, how does HE get it? Does he have a job? How can he if he smokes up several times a day?!!!

          One more thing: this scenario sounds like it would make a good song. Have you gotten your feelings onto paper about this?

          Okay, I'm done now. Sorry if I sounded like a xxxxx....and you know, of all six words I know in Armenian, that's the seventh I know...I didn't mean to sound like one.

          AND, kid, if he is half as good looking as you, PLEASE do what it takes to make him stop. The world needs more beautiful people.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

            Originally posted by Quarteria
            He sounds like an addict...despite the research that it's impossible to get addicted to pot.
            I think his cousin is very addicted to smoking pot. Natural weed--as it was created by nature--is not addictive (and can even be beneficial/medicinal). Natural weed (that has a history of use dating back at least to 1,600 BC) is not what people are smoking today. I don’t think Mother Nature really made pot for recreational use. Tens of thousands of natural plants have medicinal properties, but if they are declared ‘illegal’ they are transformed into something that hardly resembles the original plant.

            [Info on the Ethnobotany of Cannabis from a Cultural Anthroplogy perspective - http://anthro.fortlewis.edu/ethnobot...nnabis_new.htm

            What people buy IS addictive. It has a much higher THC content (the psychoactive) than the natural plant. Worse than higher THC content is that other crap (chemicals/drugs) that is added to make the weed more potent (and those substances can alter a person’s personality and judgment--like One-way's cousin. Those have the potential for strong addiction and even long term harm).


            I don’t smoke weed but I do think it should be legalized. Because weed is illegal and is not regulated, lots of bad things happen. If pot was legal, it would be regulated and taxed. The criminal element would be reduced or maybe even eliminated (e.g., violence that follows the drug from production to consumption.) To illustrate this, think about what happened during prohibition of alcohol in the US. Alcohol didn’t go away, it went underground. The mafia took over illicit sales. Or think about if cigarettes were to be made illegal you could also be certain that they would still be available from illegal dealers who would manipulate the chemical content so as to give people a bigger buzz (and get return customers.) [Not that big tobacco doesn’t already do that to a degree, but they’ve learned how to manipulate regulation with money.] I mean that if cigarettes were illegal, there would be people selling smokes laced with all sort of other addictive substances and with orders of magnitude more nicotine. I think this is the current situation with pot.


            One-way, there are hundreds of reasons to convince your cousin to avoid weed including the two major arguments against weed here:

            1. Almost all weed bought the US today is not natural and is more than Cannabis sativa and IS addictive.
            2. Buying/using weed supports violence (where it is grown and at each point of sale).

            The way to approach the situation with your cousin depends on the dynamic you have with him. If he is really hooked, reasoning might not at all convince him. Be sure to continue to express deep concern for his well being and offer to help if you can.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

              First of all, I appreciate your feedback. We need more people like you on here.

              Originally posted by Quarteria
              So, they are pot-heads and users. Can you HONESTLY say that they mean no harm? C'mon. If they really only use him for weed, then, what kind of people are they? AND, are you sure that they DO use him and wouldn't hang around him for no other reason?
              When I say they mean him no harm, I mean they're not bad people. Bad people meaning people involved in crime. They don't do anything that bad.

              Originally posted by Quarteria
              Now, I'm not a psychiatrist, but yet, and again, I'm not asking to be a smart alec, but, I am going to ask, about this statement, how does this make you feel?
              I'm obviously very bothered by his actions. He used to be a best friend to me. We would do everything together. We were never separated. In the past few years, he started parting from me. He started hanging out with other people. Not necessarily bad people, but just stopped hanging out with me as often. And now that he's hanging out with these potheads, it's become worse. We're are NOTHING alike anymore. We NEVER agree with anything. NEVER. It makes me feel bad, we went from brothers to strangers.

              Originally posted by Quarteria
              You mention the way he talks and dresses...HOW does he talk and dress? Is he now a wigger? Is he a grunge kid? Is his speech slow and garbled? WHY does he want to mimic whatever he is mimicing?
              He's dressing and talking black, basically. We would usually dress the same. Clean. But now, he's wearing nothing but a black shirt, and a black hat. Every day. His mom always asks why he doesn't dress up anymore, and he just says it's not "him". Ever since these guys, he's been dressing like them. And as far as talking goes, he talks like he's black, I guess. His slang is too annoying. I mean, I too might say, "dawg", but he takes it too far. I can't even understand him anymore!

              Originally posted by Quarteria
              Just out of curiousity, what is the tattoo he got? AND, is this against Armenian custom...AND, for that matter, is he even Armenian...AAAAAANNNDDD...what do your other two friends think about all this? Have you discussed this with them? Have they offered you advice? Have they confided to you these same concerns?
              The tattoo he got was of a cross, on his right arm, pretty big in size. It's nothing bad, but it's something he randomly did. He obviously put no thought into it. And in our Armenian family, NOBODY has a tattoo. Except for his cousin who lives in France, and she has a SMALL tattoo, on her back. When his parents asked why he would do this, he brought her up, and said, "Well, she has one!" That's pretty immature.

              My friend thinks the tattoo was a stupid move, too. He likes tattoo's, but told me he wouldn't get one because it's disrespect to his parents. However, when my cousin was showing the tattoo off to him, he kept saying he liked it. He should've been liked me and shut him down, and not accepted it. That's why I don't want to talk to my cousin with my friends. Because even though they agree with me, he's MY cousin. We're on a more personal level.

              Originally posted by Quarteria
              I am really concerned about this. IF he is Armenian, is he not proud enough of his own heritage to keep straight? I mean, WHY does he want to pretend to be somebody he's not?!!! (I'm sure you've struggled with this question for the past few years.) I find it sad whenever somebody's life is going downhill, but, IF this kid is an Armenian, I find it particularly troublesome. This may be the wrong way to look at this, but, for every Armenian trying to be something he/she is not or for every Armenian trying to kill himself -- the Turks win. THIS is why I am desturbed.
              Small things like this ruin our heritage. Armenians don't do things like this. It's just recently when some Armenians started doing it, and it got accepted more, but I still think it's wrong. Especially when your parents don't accept it! Why does he pretend he's someone he's not? I don't know. He's been like that all his life. He used to follow me, but that was a good thing, because I was a good kid. I was great in school as a kid, and that would push him to do better. But after he stopped hanging out with me, he stopped caring and doing what I did. I'm not trying to say I WANTED him to follow me, but it's better than following these other guys.



              Originally posted by Quarteria
              AND, if they use HIM for weed, how does HE get it? Does he have a job? How can he if he smokes up several times a day?!!!
              He has a job, he works with his dad. He has the money to buy it, and he gets them from his friends and other people. It's not as expensive as you would think. But since he's always in to pitch-in for weed, his friends use him for that.

              Originally posted by Quarteria
              One more thing: this scenario sounds like it would make a good song. Have you gotten your feelings onto paper about this?
              Lately, I've been giving up on music. I'm not quitting, but I've given up writing or even listening to certain kinds of music, for now. But with all the problems going on these days, it actually did make me write. I sat on my balcony the other night, and wrote a page about what I felt for him. I won't make a song out of it, but I just had to get it off my mind.

              Originally posted by Quarteria
              AND, kid, if he is half as good looking as you, PLEASE do what it takes to make him stop. The world needs more beautiful people.
              That was very nice of you. And again, thanks for your concern.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

                This thread is like high school all over again.
                Achkerov kute.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

                  He's stuck in the high school mentality, sadly.

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                  • #10
                    Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

                    You want my advice?
                    Achkerov kute.

                    Comment

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