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a collection of my finest work

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  • #1

    a collection of my finest work

    A guy wakes up one morning with a hangover. Going downstairs he
    asks his wife, "Honey, I know I made a fool out of myself at the
    company party last night, so tell me what I did."

    "You got in an argument with your boss."

    "Well, piss on him!" said the man.

    "You did. He fired you." said the wife.

    "Well, screw him!" said the guy.

    "I did." said the wife. "You're back to work Monday."




    __________________________________________________ __


    Dr. Seuss' lost tongue twister

    See if you can do this:
    Read each line aloud

    This is this cat
    This is is cat
    This is how cat
    This is to cat
    This is keep cat
    This is a cat
    This is dumbass cat
    This is busy cat
    This is for cat
    This is forty cat
    This is seconds cat


    __________________________________________________ __


    When I was younger I hated going to weddings ...
    it seemed that all of my aunts and the
    grandmotherly types used to come up to me,
    poking me in the ribs and cackling,
    telling me, 'You're next.'

    They stopped that xxxx after I started doing
    the same thing to them at funerals.

    __________________________________________________ __

    Two little brothers, aged six and eight, decide it's time to
    learn how to swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the
    six-year-old, "Okay, you say 'ass' and I'll say 'hell'."

    All excited about their plan, they trooped downstairs, where
    their mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast. "Aw,
    hell," says the eight-year-old, "gimme some Cheerios."

    His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out
    of the room, and turns to the younger brother. "What'll you
    have?"

    "I dunno," quavers the six-year-old, "but you can bet your ass
    it ain't gonna be Cheerios."



    __________________________________________________ __


    THIS ONE GOES OUT TO MY CLOSE BLONDIE FRIEND ( you know who you are you coffee maker winner)


    11 people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope
    suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten
    were blonde, one was a brunette.

    As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If
    that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would
    perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.

    Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she
    would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others. The
    blondes all applauded.


    __________________________________________________ __



    A kindergartener was sitting at his desk making funny faces at
    anyone that would watch.

    The teacher came by and saw what he was doing and said calmly,
    "Billy you had better stop doing that, your face might stick
    that way."

    Billy stared back just as calmly and said in reply, "I guess you
    learned the hard way.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



    OK WOOOOOOOOOOO that just puts a tear to my eye i only made one up ok so dont go saying you didnt make that up you liar!!!!! i got more









    Tags: None
  • #2
    I heard those b4 and they are pretty funny.
    funny funny stuff
    I see...

    Comment

    • #3
      "these jokes are pretty funny"
      You people really mean to tell me these jokes are funny?! HAHAH. That is like saying Monty Python is actually laughter inducing.

      Comment

      • #4
        "When I was younger I hated going to weddings ...
        it seemed that all of my aunts and the
        grandmotherly types used to come up to me,
        poking me in the ribs and cackling,
        telling me, 'You're next.'

        They stopped that xxxx after I started doing
        the same thing to them at funerals."

        that one was actually funny lol

        Comment

        • #5
          These were about as amusing as a pop up screen on Kazaa.

          Now, here's something more like it:

          Here’s a true story which makes you wonder if all those Irish jokes were just jokes:
          Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It’s a special branch vehicle, and they don’t want the public to know what it looks like.

          Comment

          • #6
            WOW Nimrod, your sn really says a lot about u.

            A guy wakes up one morning with a hangover. Going downstairs he
            asks his wife, "Honey, I know I made a fool out of myself at the
            company party last night, so tell me what I did."

            "You got in an argument with your boss."

            "Well, piss on him!" said the man.

            "You did. He fired you." said the wife.

            "Well, screw him!" said the guy.

            "I did." said the wife. "You're back to work Monday."

            THAT ONE WAS FUNNY
            I see...

            Comment

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