A few jokes

[Harut82]

TRUCK BLACK BOXES

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged that they had, for the past five years, covertly funded a project with U.S. auto makers whereby the auto makers installed black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 43 of the 50 states that the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, xxxx."

Only in Mississippi, Missouri, Arkansas, Louisiana, Texas, and Tennessee were final responses different. In those states, more than 89.3 percent of the final words were,
"Hold my beer and watch this."

[Harut82]

GYNECOLOGIST
A gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers and become a mechanic. So he found out from the local tech college what was involved, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.
When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a mark of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler."

[Harut82]

A heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl
and some construction workers. This story will make you want to believe
there is hope for the human race.

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a
construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The
young family's 6-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all
the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She
hung around and eventually the construction crew, gems-in-the-rough
all of them, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch
breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope
containing a dollar. The little girl took this home to her mother who said
all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the
dollar pay she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings
account.
When they got to the bank the teller was equally impressed with the story
and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own
pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I've been
working with a crew building a house all week".
"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on
the house again next week too?"
She replied, "I will if those useless sons of xxxxxes at the lumber
yard ever bring us any drywall that's worth a xxxx."

[Harut82]

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open
his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of
water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of
him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is
in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes
the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the
stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and
sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is
also at the table, eating. Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?"


His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious.
Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black
eye when you stumbled into the door."


Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean,
and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"


His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm
married!"



A self-induced hangover - $100.00

Broken furniture - $200.00

Breakfast - $10.00

Saying the right thing - priceless

[angelik22]

I'd Rather Have a Puppy

A little boy and his dad were walking down the street when they saw two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father “Daddy, what are they doing?” The father says, “Making a puppy.” So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy, what are you doing?” The father replies, “Making a baby.” The little boy says, “Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy instead!”

:blush: :blush:

:ROTFL:

[Anonymouse]

WHO IS AMERICA'S CURRENT SWEETHEART!?








































TOM SELLECK!!

[GSTracer05]

Lol. Dude where the hell do you dig up these pictures from. You must like know every useless internet site there is.

[!EEK]

Lol. Dude where the hell do you dig up these pictures from. You must like know every useless internet site there is.

OMG you just said what I never dared to say!

[thedebutante]

Lol. Dude where the hell do you dig up these pictures from. You must like know every useless internet site there is.

Or me must know about google image search.

[GSTracer05]

Or me must know about google image search.

I know of Google image search but the thought of searching for Tom Selleck's picture just doesnt come to me. That and I'm too lazy to even bother.