A few jokes

[!EEK]

Good ones, especially the first

Anyway, I didn't understood the funny part of joke Number 2

[Harut82]

Ethnic Dating

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WHITE WOMEN:

First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.


IRISH WOMEN:

First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.


ITALIAN WOMEN:

First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mama Mia makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex; she wants to marry you & insists on a 3 carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.


JEWISH WOMEN:

First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.


CHINESE WOMEN:

First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner, nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized nothing is going to happen again.


INDIAN WOMEN:

First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.


BLACK WOMEN:

First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone else.


MEXICAN WOMEN:

First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later: her mother, father, his girlfriend, two sisters, her brother, all their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like it belongs somewhere in the desert along the Rio Grande with chickens and goats in the front yard.

[Harut82]

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he xxxxxxxxxxd into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

[!EEK]

That's sad So what kind of girls must I date?

[Harut82]

Armenian girls .

[Harut82]

Three women sitting in a bar having a drink. Their boyfriends are all named Georgie.

One day they decide to name their boyfriends after softdrinks to tell the difference between them.

The first one says "I'll name mine 7-up because he's seven inches and always up."

The second one says "I'll name mine MOUNTAIN DEW because he likes to mount and do me."

And the third one says "I'll name mine Jack Daniels."

The others say "Hey! That's not a softdrink that's a hard licker!".

She says "That's My Georgie!!"

[Harut82]

Good ones, especially the first

Anyway, I didn't understood the funny part of joke Number 2

have you seen forrest gump?

[!EEK]

...a part of it...wel 10 minutes...

Beverly Hills Ninja was on TV at the same time...how could I resist?

[Harut82]

Three animals are sitting at the bar: a skunk, a giraffe & a deer. They are drinking furiously all night.

Finally, the bartender leaves the tab on the bar.

The skunk says: "I can't pay the tab as I've only a scent (cent)".

The deer says: "I can't pay the tab as I'm only a buck".

However, the giraffe finally says: "Relax boys, the high balls are on me!!!"

[Harut82]

An older Jewish man married a younger woman.

After several months, the young woman complained that she had never
climaxed
during sex and by birthright, all Jewish women are entitled to at least
one
climax during sex, so they went to see the rabbi....

The rabbi tells them to get a young, strong, virile young man to wave a
towel over them while they are having sex. This, the rabbi says, will
cause
the woman to climax, so the couple tries it....

After several attempts, still no climax.

They go back to the rabbi.

The rabbi says for the bride to change partners and have the virile young
man have sex with her and have the husband wave the towel.

They try it that night and the young woman goes into wild, screaming
ear-splitting climaxes, one after the other.

When it is over, the husband proudly looks down at the young man and
says,
"You see, schmuck, THAT's how you wave a towel!"