What should be the parents' role in their children's romantic relationships?

[Mos]

Re: Engagement Ring Finger

However, neither of you is addressing what ought to happen when the family doesn't approve of the partner (this is considering it from the opposite perspective of what you stated) that the son/daughter has chosen for themselves?

Well depends on situation. If family outright doesn't approve of the partner, doesn't approve of the marriage, then really there's no point in going through with the marriage, as at that point you are making choice between family or partner. If the family is slightly disapproving, but there's room to convince/impress, with good effort you may be able to mend the relations.

[Siggie]

Re: Engagement Ring Finger

Of course it's important to have happiness/connection with your partner, but your partner's family is going to become part of your life, going to become your family. Many marriages fall apart because people don't realise that marriage is also union between the two families. This is especially important if you are going to live with your husband's parents or they going to be very nearby.

You guys are repeating a very reasonable opinion which I share with you: it's important to consider the partner's family and try to meet/get to know them prior to getting married especially if they have a close relationship with their family.

However, neither of you is addressing what ought to happen when the family doesn't approve of the partner (this is considering it from the opposite perspective of what you stated) that the son/daughter has chosen for themselves?

[Mos]

Re: Engagement Ring Finger

That may very well be, but one's own happiness with their partner is more important one's mother's or father's satisfaction with their partner. After all, whom is it that will be living with them, building a life with them, raising children with them, etc.? Not the parents.

Of course it's important to have happiness/connection with your partner, but your partner's family is going to become part of your life, going to become your family. Many marriages fall apart because people don't realise that marriage is also union between the two families. This is especially important if you are going to live with your husband's parents or they going to be very nearby.

[Siggie]

Re: Engagement Ring Finger

Life is about playing with the cards that you are dealt with. I suppose I should be grateful that I wasn't born to hippies that were higher than a kite during conception even though I'm in the minority

Parents who generally did a good job of parenting usually end up with kids that make good decisions. If your parents disagree with who you wish to marry, then I guess you're going down that road alone since it's unlikely that you'll have their unconditional support when the going gets tough.

I agree with you. If the parents are confident in the job of parenting they've done, then they should feel their children are capable of deciding what is best for themselves.

[KanadaHye]

Re: Engagement Ring Finger

If you wouldn't even take them home, then clearly you'd be in agreement with your parents. I'm asking about a hypothetical situation.

Life is about playing with the cards that you are dealt with. I suppose I should be grateful that I wasn't born to hippies that were higher than a kite during conception even though I'm in the minority

Parents who generally did a good job of parenting usually end up with kids that make good decisions. If your parents disagree with who you wish to marry, then I guess you're going down that road alone since it's unlikely that you'll have their unconditional support when the going gets tough.

[Siggie]

Re: Engagement Ring Finger

I didn't bring those ones home to meet the parents

If you wouldn't even take them home, then clearly you'd be in agreement with your parents. I'm asking about a hypothetical situation.

[KanadaHye]

Re: Engagement Ring Finger

So you're suggesting that you should let others dictate your life for fear that one day you might need their help?

Let me ask you this then. What would you personally do if your parents weren't crazy about your girlfriend whom you wanted to marry? What do you do when you disagree?

I didn't bring those ones home to meet the parents

[Siggie]

Re: Engagement Ring Finger

Well... if one day you are financially unable to provide a roof over your head and have to turn to the in-laws.... I guess they are stuck with you. You see, there are certain aspects of Armenian tradition that are societal safety nets. Perhaps government has taken that role post industrial revolution but like they say... times they are a changin' and parents should be respected.

So you're suggesting that you should let others dictate your life for fear that one day you might need their help?

Let me ask you this then. What would you personally do if your parents weren't crazy about your girlfriend whom you wanted to marry? What do you do when you disagree?

[KanadaHye]

Re: Engagement Ring Finger

Sure, and it's good to know about the family members. But you yourself considering the family versus your family needing to approve of your partner and their family, are two different things.

Well... if one day you are financially unable to provide a roof over your head and have to turn to the in-laws.... I guess they are stuck with you. You see, there are certain aspects of Armenian tradition that are societal safety nets. Perhaps government has taken that role post industrial revolution but like they say... times they are a changin' and parents should be respected.

[Siggie]

Re: Engagement Ring Finger

You're marrying members of their family. That means that even the drunk and gambling brother in law will put a strain on your relationship.

Sure, and it's good to know about the family members. But you yourself considering the family versus your family needing to approve of your partner and their family, are two different things.