An Honest Situation

[Anonymouse]

If you have never had a long-term serious relationship, the thought seems somewhat apocalyptic for several reasons, since you're used to being free, more or less. You're used to having to do what you want, go out with whoever you want to, and not justify yourself to anyone, or constantly tell someone where you are, and what you're doing. You can go bother the bum down the street, a bar for a drink, or simply sleep and not answer phone calls. You can look at girls freely, you can talk to any girl freely, you can go out with any girl freely. I've had many instances of people telling me why I don't get into a relationship. Aside from the obvious reason that I am still young, although flirting with the idea of having to be in one in the future, I simply cannot picture my freedoms and temporal spaciousness disappearing anytime soon. Having been accustomed to this lifestyle of freedom, it would have a hard adjust to this without thick resistence. The thing is, people have this idea that some people have a fear of relationships. Now I am cautious to use this, because in a way it is fearful, but not because of a relationship but is this a fear of losing that freedom. Is it really the same thing or is this simply a natural reaction to circumstance?

[loseyourname]

I've never lost any freedom other than the freedom to go out with other girls. Given that I'm satisfied with the girl I'm in a relationship with, that is akin to losing nothing. I don't see why you would suddenly need to justify anything; sounds to me like you're just paranoid.

[Anonymouse]

Well, you obviously haven't been in a relationship if you think you can just go out with any girl any day you please when you have a girlfriend. And if you state otherwise, youre taking your ego gimmick way too far.

[Sip]

I agree with you mouse ... to me, it has also been about the freedom. Everyone always telling me "enjoy it while it lasts" .. well .. I have!!!! And it is in fact a blast. I often have doubts about the choice but that doubt instantly disappears when I see the looks in my friends eyes that tied the knots (not necessarily marriage) years ago and now simply drool when they hear about what places I have been to and what sorts of things I have been up to!

Just get up and go ... like throw a backpack in the truck and just drive ... no need for a reservation for a room ... no need for "shower" or a "hair dryer" or clean sheets! Yah maybe one day I'll get tried of this but I don't want to look back at my youth and say boy why didn't I take advantage of those days.

There is just something very special about being able to talk, eat, sleep, and work whenever you want to as opposed to when it's convinient for others. Also, when just going somewhere, you just can't ever beat the feeling of being able to turn right when you feel like it, left when you feel like it, or just keep on going straight without having to ask anyone first or worry about where you are going to end up!!!!

[Emil]

I agree with Seaphan. I'm 26 now, will be 27 in October, I keep on getting asked "When are you getting married?" When I feel like it! It's ok for a girl not to be married around my age, but if a guy isn't, then people start questioning it. Who cares if I'm not married or even have a g/f now. I am concetrating on school and finding a job and having fun. Once I finish school, then maybe some girl will be lucky to marry me.

[Darorinag]

It's ok for a girl not to be married around my age, but if a guy isn't, then people start questioning it.

Funny, I thought it was the other way around.. well, not in my situation anyway, but most of the time, in Armenian circles, that's what I hear..

[Inna]

kinda surprised no females have posted yet...I've never been in a serious relationship..and I've always thought that maybe it's because of my fear to commit to any one guy..but now that you mention it I'm kinda starting to see that it might be my fear of losing my freedom...heres a scenario that occurs almost too often:
my roomate and I are talking and we plan to go out/hang out(whatever you'd call it) with a bunch of our guy friends...well she has this long distance relationship for almost 2 yrs and she calls the boyfriend up and mentions to him our plans..he doesnt like knowing that his girlfriend is "hanging out" with some guys his never met so he asks her not to go..she of course complains and tells him that the guys are just friends, he still says he doesnt want her to go...so guess what happens?? the plans are ruined and we end up not going.

this is what I hate..and am afraid of happening to me...I dont want to have some guy(boyfriend or not) telling me what I can and cannot do.

[loseyourname]

Well, you obviously haven't been in a relationship if you think you can just go out with any girl any day you please when you have a girlfriend. And if you state otherwise, youre taking your ego gimmick way too far.

Hey dumbass:

I've never lost any freedom other than the freedom to go out with other girls.

Did you somehow manage to not see this?

[Anonymouse]

I agree with you mouse ... to me, it has also been about the freedom. Everyone always telling me "enjoy it while it lasts" .. well .. I have!!!! And it is in fact a blast. I often have doubts about the choice but that doubt instantly disappears when I see the looks in my friends eyes that tied the knots (not necessarily marriage) years ago and now simply drool when they hear about what places I have been to and what sorts of things I have been up to!

Just get up and go ... like throw a backpack in the truck and just drive ... no need for a reservation for a room ... no need for "shower" or a "hair dryer" or clean sheets! Yah maybe one day I'll get tried of this but I don't want to look back at my youth and say boy why didn't I take advantage of those days.

There is just something very special about being able to talk, eat, sleep, and work whenever you want to as opposed to when it's convinient for others. Also, when just going somewhere, you just can't ever beat the feeling of being able to turn right when you feel like it, left when you feel like it, or just keep on going straight without having to ask anyone first or worry about where you are going to end up!!!!

Precisely the way I feel. You summed it up better than me. It's a feeling of freedom that I know will definitely be limited, if not totally disappear in a relationship. Now, I am not saying I won't get into a relationship, in fact I would like to try it out, but this loss of freedom is haunting me endlessly around the corner. It's as if I will be limited, and hence relationships become a chore and you see the image in your friends eyes of being tired. Of course, I don't have the time, nor money to engage in a relationship, unless the girl was totally down for doing what I want, when I want it, and how, meaning she has to be cool with a broke ass student. Even that still doesn't negate the spector losing freedoms. Either way, I guess I won't find out first hand until I dive into it.

[patlajan]

You dshould try being in a relationship. You might turn into a human being.