Do Men Just Want Mommy?

[CatWoman]

Accomplished women are losers in romance claims NY Times columnist Maureen Dowd. Men want to marry women who are caretakers like secretaries, assistants, nannies, flight attendants, etc. Are powerful women really at a disadvantage in the marriage market?

A University of Michigan study found that men prefer to marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors. Another study by British researchers suggests that successful men would rather have traditional wives, more like their mothers. They also reported that the higher a woman's IQ, the less chance she has to marry.

Dowd wonders does this mean, "the more women achieve, the less desirable they are?" Despite the somewhat alarming conclusions we might draw from these trends, the answer is a resounding NO!

Accomplished women can be winners in romance, but they have to set their sights on a different kind of man. The worst partner a powerful, ambitious woman can choose is a man who is just as powerful and driven as she is. High-powered men are smart to marry women who will support them, not compete with them.

Successful women today need to discover that men who are willing to play a more supporting role make perfect partners for them. It's tough for most men to accept a woman who is more successful than they are, but not all men feel that way. More men than you think would be happy to be the head cheerleader for a powerful woman.

The thing that keeps powerful women miserable in relationships is our own outdated beliefs. We've all been conditioned to want a husband who's rich and successful. However, as Gloria Steinem said, "Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." And if we continue to think that we should have an equally high-powered man for a partner, we are setting ourselves up for failure. Put together two strong personalities who both like being in charge and you have a recipe for relationship ruin.

It took 30 years and 3 divorces before I discovered the truth about this for myself. Now I am happily married at last to a man who supports me and is proud of my accomplishments. He is happy to let me be the leader at home as well as at work. He does all the housework, too! So what if he earns less.

The only difficult part for me was accepting the fact that he likes me to be in control. And that he is no less of a man because of it. With that acceptance I have settled comfortably into the best and longest relationship of my life.

As more women out-earn their men the woman led marriage will become more common. That's why my husband and I are coming out of the closet about our relationship. Powerful women need a different kind of partner and a different kind of relationship to be happy. Rid yourself of the old stereotyped beliefs and learn how to pick the right kind of man. Accomplished women can be winners in work AND in love.

Very interesting... Do you guys agree?

[IamLegend]

that just about cuts it pretty clear. I don't believe in having two leaders, either the man should have the upper hand in the relationship or the woman...regardless there should always be some commonground when it comes to support and respect.

It's a bit tricky because you might really expect the woman/or man you're talking to to be as successfull as you, but that often does create competition. Then again theres also earning around the same amount of money but working in completely different fields...that doesn't really have as much competition going on....each party is good at their own thing.

[Anonymouse]

that just about cuts it pretty clear. I don't believe in having two leaders, either the man should have the upper hand in the relationship or the woman...regardless there should always be some commonground when it comes to support and respect.

It's a bit tricky because you might really expect the woman/or man you're talking to to be as successfull as you, but that often does create competition. Then again theres also earning around the same amount of money but working in completely different fields...that doesn't really have as much competition going on....each party is good at their own thing.

Well, this is what I have been saying all along. I do not necessarily have a problem with women who are professionals. My problem is in this unhallowed and stupid belief that somehow powers are shared or that god awful term, "equal". In any relationship one is more dominant than the other. That is the way it goes. Go read all my previous threads and posts in the Love and Romance section and see how I pissed off all the females for stating this. They do not like truth. As far as respect, I do not give until I get, and it should be like that at all times. My respect is precious and I will not waste it on those who do not deserve it. That being said, you're right either the man will be a man, or the man will be a wuss, and in my case, I cannot be a wuss. I will respect and revere the love of my life, as I expect her to do the same to me, but I will never be a wussified man, to the point where I am spineless. I simply cannot stand such men. They need to have their testicles cut off.

[spiral]

This thread reminds me of my Strong/Weak thread, from a while ago.

Pygmalion

[loseyourname]

This thread reminds me of my Strong/Weak thread, from a while ago.

Pygmalion

God, that thread sucked. Thanks for reminding me about it.

[spiral]

haha, I actually like that prologue.



you're welcome.

[CatWoman]

that just about cuts it pretty clear. I don't believe in having two leaders, either the man should have the upper hand in the relationship or the woman...regardless there should always be some commonground when it comes to support and respect.

It's a bit tricky because you might really expect the woman/or man you're talking to to be as successfull as you, but that often does create competition. Then again theres also earning around the same amount of money but working in completely different fields...that doesn't really have as much competition going on....each party is good at their own thing.

I don't think it's necessarily about who is the leader in the family... but that men are intimidated by women who are more successful than them (in same or different fields) and bring more money home than they do; therefore prefer traditional women who work part time and raise the kids and are dependent on them for financial support. Assuming they'll be appreciated more by such women than independent successful ones. But what heppened to love?.... I don't know, is it true?

My guy friends all believe in equality, or so they say ! But my friend's boyfriend (ex now) was exactly like that! She only had her AA and decided to go back to school for bachelors. The guy went nuts, literally. Why do you need a higher paying job? You think I can't take care of you... WHAT?

And I think this holds true for most men.

[ArmoBarbi]

* I think that its nice for the husband to feel responsible for the family financially. That includes the wife. If one loves a person enough to marry him/her, then it would only make sense that one would want to take care of that person. Yes, I think that the wife should take care of the husband as well. Each does what he/she can to contribute.

* I agree that one person has to be at least a little dominant. I grew up with a not so feminine mother, and watched her marry the most wussified man on the planet after divorcing a macho Armenian man (my father), because she wasnt happy unless she was the boss. I know that an example doesnt prove the idea, btw, Im just sharing the story since it fits so well.

* I have no problem with the man making more money, but doesnt it seem sad to you that some men NEED to make more otherwise they dont feel like men? Wouldnt a real man feel like a man no matter what??

*There are men who stay home, and have their wives support them financially. These men still feel LIKE MEN and important contributors to their family and marriage for other things that they do. It depends on the personality and the strengths of that particular person. My mother is better at earning (you know what I mean here) than her husband is. He can contribute by fixing things up and doing chores, etc. Thats how it mostly works anyway lol just a role reversal in this case.

* I just think that some men are just stuck with the idea that they have to be the providers and the women have to be the home makers when it is more that each couple should decide who takes what role based on who is better qualified.

Cat, I think that many of the more traditional Armenian men are like this, and I see what problem you may see there (especially with his unsupportive and defensive reaction), but its really not that bad as far as I am concerned. As long its not about pushing the woman down to feel superior, whats wrong with him wanting to take care of her? I think that it shows that he is committed to her, and takes the relationship seriously.

[Sev21]

"It took 30 years and 3 divorces before I discovered the truth about this for myself. Now I am happily married at last to a man who supports me and is proud of my accomplishments. He is happy to let me be the leader at home as well as at work. He does all the housework, too! So what if he earns less.

The only difficult part for me was accepting the fact that he likes me to be in control. And that he is no less of a man because of it. With that acceptance I have settled comfortably into the best and longest relationship of my life."

Whiped? Not sure...but jesus, I wouldn't want to do the housework and be a stay at home dad. It's hard to see women playing the man role in the family. It would look so weird....

[CatWoman]

Cat, I think that many of the more traditional Armenian men are like this, and I see what problem you may see there (especially with his unsupportive and defensive reaction), but its really not that bad as far as I am concerned. As long its not about pushing the woman down to feel superior, whats wrong with him wanting to take care of her? I think that it shows that he is committed to her, and takes the relationship seriously.

Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to take care of her, BUT that doesn't mean not wanting her to be successful and take care of herself... Also you have to consider that nothing comes for free, a man that takes a complete care of a woman would obviously have very high expectations as well, don't do this/that/etc. (just something to think about)! In my friends case, he sees his girlfriend wanting to improve herself, and gets upset because for some reason he assumes that makes him less of a man??!! You don't see anything wrong with that?


Obvioulsy guys don't like to be 'Mr. mom' lol, but the question here is: do they mind if their wives make more money and are more successful than them, (obviously that makes it impossible for the woman to be a good housewife)? Men can still be the leader in the family and play all those good macho roles , but would the simple fact of her career success bother them?