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Originally posted by Anonymouse
Interesting. Why would you marry someone you don't respect in the first place?
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Interesting. Why would you marry someone you don't respect in the first place? -
Daaaaaaamn. Are you guys even reading what you write?
If you want to waste your time on trying to prove who's the dominant in the relationship or who's the wuss, then go ahead and do it. Real love doesn't involve careers, money, and "Who's the man of the house?"
Anonymouse, I don't know how old you are, but you seem very intelligent and unique in a way, with a somewhat strong personality, but I can't believe you're afraid of being called a wuss (well, you labeled it that way. I don't think a stay home dad is a wuss, plus who cares what people think or say about you). If I marry a girl that has a better job and more money than I do and if situations dictate that I gotta be a home dad, I'd do it with much joy. Would you want to raise your kids at home (even if you're not the mom) or go to work? Now, the ideal situation would be for both to stay home, but that's not really possible for the average family. And don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm lazy and want to stay home, I'm a workaholic. But if I have to stay home to raise my kids for my wife to get a better education or go to work (since she makes more money than I do), I'd treat raising the kid(s) as my JOB.
A wuss in my vocabulary is someone that wouldn't want to face the challenge of dealing with the kid(s)! I think going to work and sitting at the office in front of the computer, and sipping on the coffee while listening to the sports radio is much more of a "Wuss" job than staying home and taking care of your kid.Comment
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As I already stated: I just think that some men are just stuck with the idea that they have to be the providers and the women have to be the home makers when it is more that each couple should decide who takes what role based on who is better qualified.
Im not arguing about whether the man or the woman SHOULD be dominant, thanks. A man is a man no matter how he chooses to contribute. If he happens to be good with the kids and likes it then why fight it? Yeah the man is usually the provider and protector because of evolution and social conditioning blah blah.... Does that mean that a man is wrong for choosing something different?
Cat, of course I see something wrong with a man not wanting his gf/wife to improve herself. THAT is what I consider not being a real man. A real man doesnt need to keep his woman down to feel like a man. I totally agree, I was just saying that some men have the desire to take care of their family without having these hang ups (I hope). And yes, I see what youre saying about him having certain expectations and having the control to enforce them, but is that part really wrong? Dont we all have expectations in relationships and enforce them if they are important to us?
I would personally prefer to be with a man who contributes financially and takes care of/protects his family, so that I can be home when my children are young, Plus its a turn on for me, but thats personal taste. I am going to school and will have a career, but I like the feeling of being behind a stone wall as they say.
I think people (not saying that everyone does this of course) need to just realize that their personal taste is not a social standard, it is just that - personal. Its about how a couple wants to be, and is noone elses business.
Live and let live.
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that article only APPEARS to make sense if you pick out parts of it and looked at it without considering the BIG PICTURE!!!
it is simply stupid, to say the least!! i, as well as other women i'm sure, am turned off by a man who's a WUSS! nothing more disgusting than that; and a wuss does not necessarily respect a woman more than a strong willed powerful man does.
both husband and wife can be professionals and have power in their field, however when they come home they are two individuals who love and care for one another! they have a different role at home, and it's not about 'power' in relationships, it's about compromise and i can tell you even people like bill gates and donald trump need to do some compromising to satisfy their spouses just like the rest of us, if they want to keep them.
it's about caring what your partner wants and needs and how he or she feels! obviously no one wants an arrogant a-hole who is all about 'me me me'...it's about balance and compromise and communication and spending time together...anything else is just an illusion.Comment
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Perhaps the author of that article should stick to marrying men that turn her on, rather than worrying about what turns you on. I mean heck, if she's been married so many times already, I would imagine she has some idea by now of what she likes. She sounds happy; let her be.Originally posted by hyebruinComment
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I think the woman who wrote the article is making some very good and valid points. Often 2 type A's in a relationship is not a good thing. Women who find themselves in her position should really think on this when looking for a mate/life partner. Times are certainly changing.
But of course what works for one may not for another - its that old variability of life - but who would have it any other way.
If you asked me now if I could be a stay at home daddy - etc - I'd say without any concern - yes! - and in fact for several years I've volunteered to do just this (but my wife apparently values my income more - lol) - of course many years ago I may not have at all felt the same way - but I'm satidfied with what I've done career wise - and I know how to do all the domestic stuff (OK I don''t sew...but my 11 year old son does! and quite well I might add)...Anyway - I already do pretty much 100% of the cooking in the house - and pretty much am involved in nearly everything else - no big deal. And in fact my wife often travels for her job - and for weeks at a time - and I take car of our boys and all the household stuff just fine - no biggie.
I also know of a guy who is married to an old friend of mine who is a house husband. My friend is the cheif administrator for a major hospitol - and she makes big $$$ - he was an enlisted soldier...so when she had her kids - it didn't really make sense for her to be the one to stay home. And I've talked to him (and both of them) at length about their arrangement/situation - and they are both just loving it. (He is no wuss BTW - lol)
Oh - otherwise Bruin I find that your post makes much sense as well (as usual...) - touche
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i thought we're just sharing our opinions here...she can 'be' whatever she wants to be, i'm just saying that MOST women don't want a wussified woman (as mouse puts it)
and i wouldn't be surprised if these same women decided to try out a hot spicy dominant dish sometime during the course of their marriage. I don't care what anyone says! but deeeep, wayyyy deeeep within, every woman wants to be sexually dominated by a strong man 
that does NOT mean that she wants to be abused or be told what to do and how to dress and act or anything stupid like that.
that's most people, then there is that minority of women/men who...well, i don't know what the heck they desire
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Well I certainly wouldn't consider myself a wussified man...nor would anyone who knows me at all think that...I'm just comfortable with myself - regardless - I have nothing to prove. I'm also quite capable and confident sexually (and otherwise) - you'll just have to take my word I guess
. Furthermore I don't at all equate being a "modern" husband or being in a more or less equal/sharing (and caring/compasionate/loving/emotional...etc etc) or what have you in a relationship as equating that a man is wussified - it has little to do with overall/manly deamenor and less still to do with sexual play, ability or such IMO - but again - I'm confident and capable enough to perform a variety of roles 
(oh yes...)...and I haven't heard any complaints...and in fact I would argue that men who are concerned with pleasing their partners make much better lovers - particualrly in the long term...(and thats been the sort of feedback I have gotten in most of my relationships...along with the utter amazement and that sort of thing - lol 
...)
I also disagree with what you claim most women want - I think you are projecting what you (think you) want (but OK - perhaps fantasy wise you have a point...but who is to say that I or guys like me can't do both/do it all eh?). You don't know the number of women who tell my how much they wish they had me (or someone like me) for a husband (and how many times I've heard such from my own wife...how lucky she feels she is - really...)...believe me some of the alternatives aren't so pretty. I have and have had many women friends/confidents over the years who have been in abusive and otherwise unsatisfying relationships - and more often then not they guys are the typical (for lack of a better word - old world) type of males (and they - like you - are/were attracted to such...irrationally perhaps one could argue...)...I think you are idealizing about a man that is in fact quite rare and when such exists he is perhaps out of your league (or likely just sees and treats you as a temporary rental and not a long term prospect) - believe me - I've seen it - over and over and over again (and the reverse occurs with guys too - only feeling that some perfect women is good enough for them - itys total BS and most often ends in a sad/bitter life with no one to share it with). My advice would be to suggest that you be thankful to hope to just get a good one - that embodies the characteristics you mention in your previous post - someone who truly cares about your happiness and loves you...and you never know you might be suprised and this sensitive (or what have you) guy might very much be capable of rocking your world. All I know is that good partners are very hard to come by - and don't easily fall into pre-concieved categories. Certainly someone who is "right" for you may not be for someone else - and the factors that cause people to click (or more importantly to not push the wrong buttons) in someone else - well - a rare thing - let me tell you. And a long term mongomous relationship is sometimes/often a very difficult thing to manage for a lifetime besides. And in fact it may somewhat go against our nature and arguably in our modern society - where males and females have a great deal more free contact - may be just too much to ask for/expect...at least for everyone. And if folks understood this and could deal with it better - perhaps the prospects for longer term relationships might in fact be better - with some of the pressures that you allude to being relieved every once in a while and less overeaction to things...anyway - just a thought - and one that I know is likely too radical for most to concieve of/understand - and this I do understand - but in general I really don't think most folks seem to be dealing with the various pressures of our rapidly evolving society - certainly keeping to the old norms - because this is always how things were done - etc - isn't going to work. And women have been emancepated - more or less - and I very much see this as a good thing...in another forum there was a big debate recently about women and itelligence (offshoot of the Harvard deans comments) - and it seems to me that many traditional Armenian (and other) men are wishful of women continuing as they have been - not allowed to prosper as free individuals - and are gleeful that the record of men in science and publically recognized achievment etc is so dominant in post agricultural societies...well...sorry to tell you buds - but it ain't going back...and its just your type of men who will be left behind - IMO - unable to compete with capable women and eventually you will have very little to offer them otherwise either...Comment
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Originally posted by Anonymouse
Have you read Little Women?
If not, you should.Comment
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You know, I read Little Women in Russian when I was little, and dont remember what it was about. I remember sisters who had to buy their mother a present and something about perfume.
I remember liking it.....weird that I forgot *note to self: read Little Women again*Comment
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