UN Votes to Make Turkey an Imaginary Country until Armenian Genocide
UN Votes to Make Turkey an Imaginary Country until Armenian Genocide
is Recognized
Saturday, December 17, 2005
As the Turkish government continues its prosecution of famed novelist
Orhan Pamuk on charges he "denigrated the Turkish national identity"
by saying that the Armenian genocide of World War I did indeed
happen, the UN has decided to investigate Turkish History and
determine if, in fact, there is truly a country named Turkey.
"Until we get some real evidence, the so-called country named Turkey
will receive imaginary country status within the UN," said Kofi
Annan, UN Secretary General. "As an imaginary country, they are
welcome to attend our UN sessions, but no one really needs to listen
to them."
The new status for Turkey took effect quickly. During an afternoon
general assembly on the topic of peace in the Mideast, the Turkish
ambassador took the floor and offered Turkey's perspective on the
situation. Many of the UN representatives began gobbling, preening,
and scuffling around their desk. Once the bewildered ambassador
finished and took his seat, the Israeli representative took the
microphone.
"I'm sorry, did someone say something?" he asked.
Muttering filled the room over the protests of the Turkish
representative.
"I heard a lot of wind," responded the Lebanese
representative. "There must be a storm outside."
"Perhaps," responded the Israeli. "But to me, it sounded more like a
gobbling sound. Like a large, flightless, feathered bird."
"Yes!" said the Russian ambassador. "That's it! I heard it. But it
was indecipherable."
"I guess we should move on."
Later in the day, at a reception for some Asian dignitaries visiting
the UN, many representatives arrived adorned with fake wattles—the
fleshy piece that dangles from a turkey's neck. There was a moment of
embarrassment as the Turkish ambassador frantically scurried around
the room, trying to remove the wattles and demanding that his
colleagues listen to him.
An investigatory committee has been formed to produce evidence of
Turkey's history and existence.
"It's really quite simple," said Kofi Annan. "If the Armenian
Genocide did not happen, then there's a strong likelihood that Turkey
never happened. We're going to use the same level of investigatory
diligence and scholarship that Turkey has used in investigating the
Armenian genocide, and find out if we've had an imposter in the UN
all these years. If what we suspect is true, we believe that there's
a huge land mass in the middle east that's for sale. Israel is
apparently very interested."
UN Votes to Make Turkey an Imaginary Country until Armenian Genocide
is Recognized
Saturday, December 17, 2005
As the Turkish government continues its prosecution of famed novelist
Orhan Pamuk on charges he "denigrated the Turkish national identity"
by saying that the Armenian genocide of World War I did indeed
happen, the UN has decided to investigate Turkish History and
determine if, in fact, there is truly a country named Turkey.
"Until we get some real evidence, the so-called country named Turkey
will receive imaginary country status within the UN," said Kofi
Annan, UN Secretary General. "As an imaginary country, they are
welcome to attend our UN sessions, but no one really needs to listen
to them."
The new status for Turkey took effect quickly. During an afternoon
general assembly on the topic of peace in the Mideast, the Turkish
ambassador took the floor and offered Turkey's perspective on the
situation. Many of the UN representatives began gobbling, preening,
and scuffling around their desk. Once the bewildered ambassador
finished and took his seat, the Israeli representative took the
microphone.
"I'm sorry, did someone say something?" he asked.
Muttering filled the room over the protests of the Turkish
representative.
"I heard a lot of wind," responded the Lebanese
representative. "There must be a storm outside."
"Perhaps," responded the Israeli. "But to me, it sounded more like a
gobbling sound. Like a large, flightless, feathered bird."
"Yes!" said the Russian ambassador. "That's it! I heard it. But it
was indecipherable."
"I guess we should move on."
Later in the day, at a reception for some Asian dignitaries visiting
the UN, many representatives arrived adorned with fake wattles—the
fleshy piece that dangles from a turkey's neck. There was a moment of
embarrassment as the Turkish ambassador frantically scurried around
the room, trying to remove the wattles and demanding that his
colleagues listen to him.
An investigatory committee has been formed to produce evidence of
Turkey's history and existence.
"It's really quite simple," said Kofi Annan. "If the Armenian
Genocide did not happen, then there's a strong likelihood that Turkey
never happened. We're going to use the same level of investigatory
diligence and scholarship that Turkey has used in investigating the
Armenian genocide, and find out if we've had an imposter in the UN
all these years. If what we suspect is true, we believe that there's
a huge land mass in the middle east that's for sale. Israel is
apparently very interested."
Comment