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Okay, this has been bugging me for a long time, sort of like a left over pizza that's been in the box for a day and a half which you ate and can't digest and taste the mozarella as you burp. I want a god damn exciting funeral. None of this "Let's wear black and mourn" shyt.
For my funeral, I want balloons. Lots of them. Also clowns, jugglers, fire eaters and a magician that works out of a magicians kit when we bought as kids. I want a cake too with the exact number of candles of my age.
People cannot wear suits. A suit is bad enough in the first place, but mix it up with a funeral, and we're all doomed. It's like people wear their suits to go mourn someones death. Wear tennis shoes or flip flops. No black! Everyone has to wear colorful shirts and girls have to show skin. Furthermore, please burn my body. Nobody needs to look at my dead face, it's already retarded as it is. Put the ashes into a tacky ceramic cookie jar.
From what I know coffins cost a hell of alot more than the intended purpose they are for. Who gives a damn? A funeral costs 20,000 dollars. Not mine, no siree. When it's over just dump the ashes in the woods somewhere, clean out the jar, and give it to the guest that most looks like they've got bags and bags of cookies at home, but nothing to put them in. Or their could be a raffle for the jar. Either way, you decide. Flowers are cool, but none of those huge arrangements and no carnations. I only get one funeral god damnit, it might as well be good.
For my funeral, I want balloons. Lots of them. Also clowns, jugglers, fire eaters and a magician that works out of a magicians kit when we bought as kids. I want a cake too with the exact number of candles of my age.
People cannot wear suits. A suit is bad enough in the first place, but mix it up with a funeral, and we're all doomed. It's like people wear their suits to go mourn someones death. Wear tennis shoes or flip flops. No black! Everyone has to wear colorful shirts and girls have to show skin. Furthermore, please burn my body. Nobody needs to look at my dead face, it's already retarded as it is. Put the ashes into a tacky ceramic cookie jar.
From what I know coffins cost a hell of alot more than the intended purpose they are for. Who gives a damn? A funeral costs 20,000 dollars. Not mine, no siree. When it's over just dump the ashes in the woods somewhere, clean out the jar, and give it to the guest that most looks like they've got bags and bags of cookies at home, but nothing to put them in. Or their could be a raffle for the jar. Either way, you decide. Flowers are cool, but none of those huge arrangements and no carnations. I only get one funeral god damnit, it might as well be good.
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