Friend problem

[LadySilver]

I have a friend who claims to be in love. The thing is that her boyfriend beats her. I often see her with bruises and when I ask her about it she says it is nothing. I've tried everything to get her to realize what she's doing is not right. I've taken her to counceling, called the police, told her parents, and I've tried to talk to her myself. The police watched him but he didn't do anything so they let it go. Her parents could have cared less. They said she should take care of her own problems since they aren't minors. She says that she is not in any danger and that she can handle things on her own. I'm really out of options and I was wondering if any of you would have any suggestions.

[TJ]

why dont you get a couple of guys to pay him a visit and have a little chat with him about what he is doing to this girl. And any father that would sit back and let someone beat his daughter is an f'ing idiot and does not deserve the title of father.

[LadySilver]

Well lets say a couple of guys go to pay him a visit and chat with him a little. Then what? I mean ok he gets beat and then he gets better and he'd probably go after her again.

[Anonymouse]

I have a friend who claims to be in love. The thing is that her boyfriend beats her. I often see her with bruises and when I ask her about it she says it is nothing. I've tried everything to get her to realize what she's doing is not right. I've taken her to counceling, called the police, told her parents, and I've tried to talk to her myself. The police watched him but he didn't do anything so they let it go. Her parents could have cared less. They said she should take care of her own problems since they aren't minors. She says that she is not in any danger and that she can handle things on her own. I'm really out of options and I was wondering if any of you would have any suggestions.

You, my dear, should leave her alone and let her come to the realizations through her own experience and pace. Sometimes, we try so hard to help the other person when they themselves do not help themselves. Obviously this girl has problems, that are with her since she was a kid, probably abused or what have you, that is spilling over now to her relationships. You can't change her or make her change. Change does not come externally but internally, from within. In order for people to change they must desire to change and have the will to change, and all your efforts until then are futile. You can't do anything about it, and if anything you are engaging in what we call the tyranny of good intentions.

[LadySilver]

I just feel so helpless =(

[Anonymouse]

Precisely. You did your part and there's nothing more you can do. Somethings are beyond our control. Excelsior.

[nairi]

Sometimes a hard hit of truth in one's face can make one think differenty too. Obviously, with no particular fault of your own, your approach has not been effective, unfortunately. Perhaps she's not that kind of person. Many in situations like that are in denial. Perhaps a look in the mirror could help. Oprah is pretty miraculous in that. Tape one of her shows on abuse and show it to her. Might be helpful, though not necessary. At the end of the day, as Mouse said, it's up to her to see it.

[Siamanto]

You, my dear, should leave her alone and let her come to the realizations through her own experience and pace. Sometimes, we try so hard to help the other person when they themselves do not help themselves. Obviously this girl has problems, that are with her since she was a kid, probably abused or what have you, that is spilling over now to her relationships. You can't change her or make her change. Change does not come externally but internally, from within. In order for people to change they must desire to change and have the will to change, and all your efforts until then are futile. You can't do anything about it, and if anything you are engaging in what we call the tyranny of good intentions.

I basically agree with Anoymouse that you should let her grow or help her grow. But, I won't easily state:
"Obviously this girl has problems, that are with her since she was a kid, probably abused or what have you"
It's hard to tell! Maybe!

As I have told you earlier, you should listen to her, try to understand her and show her different views and perspectives on the events. Of course, you should not make her feel as someone who has problems. In any case, please avoid drastic measures such as calling the Police or threatening the guy.

[magdalinka]

Dear Lady, there is nothing you can do but watch her suffer and relive her pain by comforting her and talking to her. Obviosly if she is still with him, he makes her happy in his own way. I had a similar situation with my friend. She was in love with this jerk who f***ed every girl in town and she knew about it, she would go begging so he would let her in, I felt so bad, but couldnt help, so I just comfortrd her as i could. You just have to be there when she needs to talk and give her a right advice if she asks for it.

[Anonymouse]

I basically agree with Anoymouse that you should let her grow or help her grow. But, I won't easily state:
"Obviously this girl has problems, that are with her since she was a kid, probably abused or what have you"
It's hard to tell! Maybe!

As I have told you earlier, you should listen to her, try to understand her and show her different views and perspectives on the events. Of course, you should not make her feel as someone who has problems. In any case, please avoid drastic measures such as calling the Police or threatening the guy.

If she is being abused physically, and she is still staying with him, that means there is something wrong with her, probably rooted in her past. I'm sure any third rate psychologist can identify this as a sign of previous abuse by a family member or other, a lack of father/mother figure, what have you. No normal person would or should tolerate abuse, unless of course, they have problems.