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**karoaper** · 03-28-2006, 08:41 PM

Re: The Vent Thread

Originally posted by Siggie

Propose? Ha! I'll still be working on coursework for at least 2 more years. I could be pretty much done with that at the end of year 2, but I have the damn law classes to take too. I'm going to try finish up in 4 years, but it's very possible that it'll take 5. It's my first year, so I've got a ways to go before thinking about proposals.

I'm thinking I'll stay for 5 because although I could finish the requirements (I hope), I don't think 4 years would give me enough time to get some publications out so I can get an academic position when I'm done. I'm not sure if it's the same way in CS, but in psych most journals take months (close to 6 on average) to get back to you on your submission. Most of the time there's a revision required and that's several more months to get feedback on that. If it's accepted, it's not always in the next publication of that journal (which is usually quarterly anyway). So, on the shorter side, it can take a year and you can't submit to multiple journals at the same time.

I just feel like it's not as laid back as it could be for grad school. Too many frequent assignments and things and they tend to be inflexible on when they're due.
Other students' advice has been that I'm actually reading what's assigned instead of skimming it and that's what's taking too long. How can you skim something unfamilar and understand it? I'm not just trying to get a degree. I need to be able to teach some of these classes. I don't understand how not doing the reading will help with that.
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Yay for being ABD though! Must feel great!

Five years is quite normal. As long as you have a good advisor they'll try to guide you along as smoothly as possible.

Journals in CS also take months, sometimes over a year. It is frustrating. It's especially frustrating when they tell you resubmit with changes and then reject it anyway. Luckily in CS conferences do have some prestige actually and have a lightning fast response. I've heard in many other sciencies, conferences are too Mickey Mouse.

As far as TAing, I feel your pain. It's a huge distraction. I do agree though that you need to be more conservative with your time. If you need to teach the material later on, you can relearn it then. Now, you research is the priority.

ABD ... Almost.

**One-Way** · 03-31-2006, 01:58 AM

Re: The Vent Thread

This post isn't really a vent. But I view this thread as "The One-Way Thread" now, so any feelings at all, go in here.

A few years ago, around 2002-2003, I came across an underground album on a message board I still post on. I downloaded the 11-track album and gave it a listen. The album was pretty decent, but I immediately hated it because the rapper used a beat I had planned on using. In my head, I hated him just because of the fact that he used a beat I wanted to use. About a year later, the rapper, let's call him Mike, was promoting his second album. I heard a few clips from his website, and I was impressed. He had really grown, and I was feeling his style. However, I still didn't think he was great. The CD was for sale this time, but I didn't want to buy it. After a few months, I fell in love with one of the clips on his site. The 30-second clip of a song from his album was so great, I had to buy it. I e-mailed him, and he sent the CD out. From then on, this man became my favorite rapper. He also became one of the most influential people I would ever talk to.

After a while, Mike released a mixtape-album. Around this time, we started talking on AIM. In my eyes, he was a rapstar. I had no hate for him, and I absolutely loved his music. I remember talking to him on AIM as if he was someone famous, and he would call me out on it - saying he was still a nobody. His mixtape-album was incredible. His style was untouchable! He sang on songs, which most rappers didn't do. I loved it. After a few months, he told me he was starting to work on his last album. He ended up realizing he should take a short break, go back to school, and see what happens. His new album was breathtaking. Mike and I became close friends through AIM. We related a lot through the problems we faced, and he was someone who understood my struggle. He also had been through a lot more than I had, so he'd always listen and help.

After his new album, he decided not to go back to school. Instead, he actually kept making songs. We grew closer, he even had an agent interested in him. She was trying to fly him out to LA to start working on some real projects. She fell through. Mike had already released three full album, one mixtape-album, and a promo CD. He also had various misc. songs. For someone who was only 19, that's pretty impressive. He did all the recording, mixing, and producing on his own. A few months later, Mike released "U&U: Unfinished & Unreleased". A collection of over 20 unreleased songs.

This is the first, and only, artist I can say who never had a bad song in my eyes. Honestly. Every song was incredible to me. I look at my favorite rapper, Eminem. Even he has songs I don't love. But Mike.. I loved all his songs. I looked up to them, I related to each one as if he was talking to me.

At the end of 2005, Mike was working on a new album with his label mates. It was supposed to be released in Summer of 2006. Mike would occasionally talk to me on AIM and tell me how he's thinking about quitting music for good. He's dedicated his time and life to music, and had gotten nowhere. He had worked with a couple of big names, but still, nothing. He came to realize his main source of pain was music. No matter how good his day was, he stressed about his music. He stressed about chasing an unreal dream. He told me he would finish the new album, for his friends' sake, and quit on his own. Well, he just IMed me. He asked me if I wanted to hear a clip of his last song. The song is titled "Let Me Go". Basically, Mike is more happy than sad. Leaving music and following a more realistic dream has made him realize you gotta think real. He plans on going back to school and working hard for something he's really good at. He also had an argument with his friends, so the new album is off.

This is basically the end of my friends career. I've honestly given up on rap music, and he was the only one I would listen to. His songs were on a whole other level. If you know me personally, you've heard me mention this man more than five times a day. Even my mom knows about him. Now he's 20, and done with it all. It was honestly my dream to work with him. When we decided he would make a track with me for my new album, I was nervous to even think about where to begin. We decided we'd title the song "They Don't Know". An emotional song about my families struggle, with Mike doing what he does best - singing - on the chorus. The song never got recorded, and only a rough draft of his chorus exists. I asked him to help me finish the song, even after what he's been through, and he told me he'd talk about that later with me. I have agreed with myself that I would not release my album unless that song WITH Mike is on the album.

Basically, he's out. Not quite yet, but he's almost there. After our talks, I've come to realize maybe I should quit before getting to ahead. I haven't even released an album and I stress about music daily. I'm sick of people looking at me as "the rapper". Do I want people to know me as One-Way forever? Am I throwing Armen away, and living someone else's life? Will people see me for me? Is it worth risking my time and life chasing after music? People who are not involved in music don't know how much of a struggle it is. Not struggle as in, "I need to get there" - but a mental struggle. When he told me his main source of pain was music, he took the words out of me. I've realized no matter how great of a day I'm having, I'm never fully happy because music always puts me down. And do I want that? Will people understand that I just want to sing my problems away, or will they view me as just another rapper? Seeing others in my city blow up before me kills me every day. It also kills me that I do my work alone, and they have producers and managers backing them up. So how are we both on the same level? I must have SOME sort of talent, or gift, to be compared to THEM.

I've come to this conclusion: Record and release my album. I've been planning out my album since the 8th grade. I'm a freshman in College now. The album is PART of my life. Regardless of what happens. I'm putting my all into it. I've scrapped about 20 tracklists, over 200 song ideas, etc. Every day, I add new things to it. I'm trying to make an album, that if I decide to quit right after, people will realize what I was about and KNOW I had it in me. Basically, I'm fitting five albums into one. I always push the album back because it needs to be pefect in my eyes. Each song means something to me. But will I release the album and see a path much different from Mike, or will I come to my senses just like Mike? Maybe me meeting him is a sign for me to quit before I start. I don't know. What I do know is nobody ever listens. Maybe if more people listened, I wouldn't need a way to vent. I wouldn't rap.

**One-Way** · 04-16-2006, 09:38 PM

Re: The Vent Thread

What do I do?!

**Quarteria** · 04-16-2006, 10:18 PM

Re: The Vent Thread

Originally posted by One-Way

What do I do?!

Start thinking positive!!! This is in reply to your first & second post. Get up and go to bed everyday with the following thought in your head:

Life is perfect; life is the best.

THAT, my dear sir, is from the single handed worst movie ever made. The lead character says it...right before he kills himself...at the beginning of the movie. It's perfect. It's ironic. I say it to myself, and, it works taken at face value or Murphey's Law.

Second, if you're really passionate about the album, you know what you've got to do. I'm sure you've seen "Driven" on MTV. If it's meant to be, it's going to happen. Do you really want all those years of your life to have been in vain? OR, could you put this on the back burner for now and come back to it when you have a little more experience? If it's not coming together now, I'd wait for that one epiphany moment when it all does merge. I wouldn't have my head in the clouds completely, though; finish school & such just in case the music doesn't become primary...JUST IN CASE...

Hmmmm...these are your thoughts...I don't know if your questions are just rhetorical or not...would you prefer me not to answer/give my imput?

**Anonymouse** · 04-16-2006, 10:24 PM

Re: The Vent Thread