I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

[One-Way]

Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

The problem is you keep stating how everything that is happening is "nothing bad", but yet you made a whole thread in which your concern seeps from between the text. You seem more concerned than you admit yourself to be. Furthermore, I sense you are maybe a bit jealous of the attention your "friend" (cousin) is giving to his new buddies and you feel powerless that you cannot influence him (yes, friendship is as much about power relations and influence as anything else). Why should a friendship be based on that to begin with? Why would you want to be a friend with someone who is that easily influenced by people?

In the alternative, have you thought that maybe he actually prefers the company of these buddies over you? Maybe he found 'himself' with them that he was lacking with you? I doubt this is the case since I don't think anyone in their right mind would willfully start to speak in the low class half a language called ebonics. Actually, that would be my number one reason why I wouldn't be friends with him and let him go.

These are my opinions and advice. Hope this helps.

As far as the jealous factor goes, no, I'm not jealous. I only perfer him hanging out with me over the new friends, because he's smoking with the other guys. With me, he wouldn't be hurting himself.

And if he perfers being with them, that's fine. He'll just realize on his own that when they leave him in a few years, we'll still be here. We're his real friends. We're his family. Friends come and go, but people like us will always be for him. That's what he doesn't understand.

I think the best thing for me to do is talk to him, and just show how concerned I am. I won't tell him what to do and what not to do, but I'll show him my concern. Then, it'll be up to him to decide what he wants to do.

[Anonymouse]

Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

As far as the jealous factor goes, no, I'm not jealous. I only perfer him hanging out with me over the new friends, because he's smoking with the other guys. With me, he wouldn't be hurting himself.

And if he perfers being with them, that's fine. He'll just realize on his own that when they leave him in a few years, we'll still be here. We're his real friends. We're his family. Friends come and go, but people like us will always be for him. That's what he doesn't understand.

I think the best thing for me to do is talk to him, and just show how concerned I am. I won't tell him what to do and what not to do, but I'll show him my concern. Then, it'll be up to him to decide what he wants to do.

But often times, showing too much concern or attention is not the way. For example, if you let him go, sooner or later, he will wonder, he will question, he will see "Hey, where is that guy One-Way? We don't hang out as much anymore, I wonder why?" Questioning will occur.

But on a different, have you thought that maybe it is you who has changed, and not him?

[amoureuse]

Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

It is very hard topic to discuss, and you're courage in seaking help is commendable. The only true advice that can be given is to go see a councellor on how to approach the topic. They have the experience, and will tell you on how to approach such a touchy issue. I know from experience that everyone's advice is true and valid, but it is based on experience or opinion, and without knowing the details may be harsh or misconstrued. "Advice is like flour. It needs to be sifted before being used."

If you feel a need to interfere, or step in, then do so but do it on sound advice. For you only have one chance before someone falls on the wrong path, and trust me coming back from it takes a lot of work. However, you need to remember one thing which is the truth, whatever happens it is not your fault. He may reject you, hate you, even ignore you, but that's all normal reactions. At the end of the day, we are a consequence of our decisions and we must live with them.

I wish that it goes well.

[One-Way]

Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

But often times, showing too much concern or attention is not the way. For example, if you let him go, sooner or later, he will wonder, he will question, he will see "Hey, where is that guy One-Way? We don't hang out as much anymore, I wonder why?" Questioning will occur.

But on a different, have you thought that maybe it is you who has changed, and not him?

I have changed, but in a better way. You may question the "better" part, but at least I'm not doing drugs or dropping out of school. People notice the change that occured in both him and me, and everyone always worries about him.