Male Masturbation Euphemisms in Alphabetical Order
3 man show
A big date with Rosy Palms
A date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 xxxx daughters
Abusing the wicked stick
Accosting the Oscar Meyer
Addressing MrPalmer
Adjusting the antenna
Adjusting your set
Aiding and abetting a known felon
Answer the bone-a-phone
Applying the hand brake
Appropriate the means
Arguing with Henry Longfellow
Arm aerobics
Arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
Arm-wrestling the purple-headed stormtrooper
Asking for a second opinion (your second head)
Assault on a friendly weapon
Attack the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
Attending to the throb knob needs
Auditioning the hand puppet
Backstroke roulette
Badgering the witness
Baiting your hook
Ball off
Ball slappin' fun
Bangin' your bacon
Banging one out
Banging the Cyclops
Barking up the wrong tree
Bash the bishop
Bash the candle
Bashing the Bishop
Bashing the pear
Basting the ham
Batting practice
Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger
Battling the purple-helmet warrior
Be your own best friend
Beat off
Beat Pete
Beat the Bishop
Beat the Bologna
Beat the Butter
Beat the Dummy
Beat the Meat
Beat the Stick
Beat up your date
Beat your hog
Beat your meat like it owes you money
Beatin' Bobby
Beating Bob and the twins
Beating Jack
Beating off
Beating the bait
Beating the balloon
Beating the balogna
Beating the beagle
Beating the bed flute
Beating the bishop
Beating the dummy
Beating the xxxx out of your best friend
Beating the goat
Beating the old man
Beating the pud
Beating the xxxx out of your incapacitated midget
Beating the snake
Beating the snotty end of my xxxx stick
Beating the stick
Beating your meat
Beef tips stroking off
Beef-stroke-it-off
Being a virtuoso of the skin flute
Being rough with the sex stick
Being your own best friend
Belaboring the obvious
Belt your hog
Bequeath your genes
Beta testing your hardware
Biffing off
xxxxx-Slapping the Dark Knight
Blanket drill, The
Bleed the lizard
Bleed the weed
Blessing the alter boy
Bloating the vein
Blow Your load
Blow your own horn
Bludgeon the beefsteak
Blueball baseball
Blue-ball buster
Bob the hog
Bombing the German helmut
Bonging your shlong
Booting up the hard drive
Bop the boa
Bop the bonzo
Bop the hog
Bopping Richard
Bopping the bishop
Bopping the Bonzo
Bouncing the bunny
Box the Jesuit
Box with Richard
Boxin the Ballsack
Boxin' the xxxak
Boxing Oscar
Boxing Oscar in the closet
Boxing the bald champ
Boxing the clown
Boxing the Jesuit
Boxing the Jesuit and getting xxxxroaches
Boxing the one-eyed clown
Boxing the trouser mouse
Boxing with Richard
Break one off
Burping private ryan
Breaking the fish tank
Bringing MrWeasel back from the dead
Brushing up on your typing skills
Buck the bone
Buckin' it
Buff the banana
Buff the mushroom
Buff the wood
Buffin' the bishop
Buffing my wand
Buffing the rifle
Buffing your nuts
Bugger your hand
Buggering your hand
Building upper-body strength
Bunning your hot dog
Burning off a few calories
Burp the baby
Burp the baldman
Burp the worm
Bust a nut
Butter the corn
Cajun clown xxxxing
Calling all cum
Calling down for more mayo
Calling genie
Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis
Calling in the secret service
Caning the vandal
Caping the crusader
Capturing the bishop
Carrying weight
Cast off
Caulking the cracks in the bathroom tile
Chafing the weasel
Changing your oil
Charge the rod
Charging the Inertial Dampeners
Charging up the main gun
Charm the cobra
Charm the serpent/snake
Charming the cobra
Charming the one-eyed trouser snake
Cheap date
Cheating on your other hand
Check for testicular cancer
Checking for testicular cancer
Checking the plumbing
Cheese off
Chicken milking
Chilling the dill
Chipping wood
Choke Charlie 'till he chunders
Choke Kojak
Choke the bishop
Choke the chicken
Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
Choking Charlie 'till he throws up
Choking the bald guy until he pukes
Choking the chicken
Choking the hog
Choking the pirate
Choking up on the bat
Choking your chicken
Choking yourself into emission
Chong your schlong
Chopping down
Chucking the yogurt
Churning butter
Civil War
Clamp the pipe
Clean your pipes
Clean Your Rifle
Cleaning out the rope
Cleaning out your account
Cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops
Clear the snorkel
Climb the tree
Climbing Mount Baldy
Climbing Mt. Barbell (for guys with pierced xxxxs)
Climbing the corporate ladder
Clobbering the bad guy
Clobbering the Kleenex
Closet Frisbee
Closing the deal
Clubbing Eddy
Clubbing the baby seal
Clubbing the clam
Clubbing the dummy
Coating Prince William Sound with love oil
Coax the cajones
xxxxing some soup
xxxxing the rifle
Collecting a specimen
Combing the hair on your bald pig Sally
Combing your hair
Coming to grips with the situation
Coming to grips with yourself
Committing mass spermicide
Communicating with Red Leader One
Communing with nature
Conjuring Up A Rain Slicker
Conking the Cardinal
Consulting with your silent partner
Converse with Harry Palm
Cooking the cream of xxxx
Cooking with Wong
Corral your tadpole
Corralling the tadpoles
Cough your filthy yogurt
Crab tease
Crack off a batch
Cracking off
Cracking the bat
Cracking the fat
Crank the love pump
Crank the Shank
Crank yanking
Cranking
Cranking for cum
Cranking one off
Cranking the monkey
Cranking the shank
Creaming the banana
Crimp the wire
Cross-Examing the Witness
Crown the king
Crushing pop cans in the dark
Cuddle the kielbasa
Cuff the carrot
Cuff the governor
Cuffing the dummy
Cuffing the puppy
Culture the American Blood Sausage
Custer's Last Stand
Daisy-chaining
Dancing in the dragon's fiery breath
Dancing round the maypole
Dancing with Johnnie One-Eye
Dancing with the one-eyed sailor
Date Miss Michigan
Date Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters
Date Palmala Handerson
Date Rosie Palm and her five sisters
Dating Mother Palm and her five daughters
Debating the Albino Newt
Debugging the hard drive
Decongesting the weasel
Defrosting the fridge
Detoxifying the puppy
Devil's handshake
xxxx whacking
Diddle
Diddle whacking
Diddle yourself
Diddling the dinky
Digging for change
Digital penile oscillation
Digitally oscillating one's penis
Dilly with the willy
Dinging the dong
Discharging the heat-seeking moisture missile
Discipline your soldier
Disciplining the primate
Discovering your own potential
Discussing Uganda
Dishonorable discharge
Disobey the Pope
Disseminating
Distributing free literature
Do handiwork
Do it your way
Do the Dew
Do the janitor thing
Do the white knuckler
Dogger Bank
Doin' a loner with your boner
Doin' extra credit
Doin' the Hand Jive
Doin' the solitary rhumba
Doing a hand job
Doing an impression of Goofy
Doing battle with the Purple-Helmeted Warrior of Love
Doing it your way
Doing the five-knuckle shuffle
Doing the hand jive
Doing the hand-cooter
Doing the janitor thing
Doing the knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump
Doing the plotkin
Doing the pork sword jiggle
Doing the sin of Onan
Doing the Skin Limbo
Doing the White Knuckler
Doing your homework
Doing your own thing
Dong flogging
Donkey Spank
Doodle your noodle
Downing at the club (for members only)
Downing the pitcher
Downloading from your own website
Dra en handtralla
Drain Charle's xxxxens
Drain the dragon
Drain the monster
Drain the vein
Draining the dragon
Draining the main vein
Draining the monster
Draining the one-eyed monster
Draining the poisons from the building
Draining the vats
Drip the pickle
Dripping white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of lust
Driving the skin bus
Drizzle the squid
Drop off a load
Droppin' a wad of hot wax
Dropping a line
Dropping stomach pancakes
Dropping the kids off at the pool
Drubbing the dolphin
Dry humping the ottoman
Dry-Firing the Turtle
Dry-firing your musket
Duking the Bishop
Dundering the devil-dolphin
Dunking the dolphin
Dusting the old trophy
Eating grapes with the one-armed man
Eberting Siskel
Educating Peter
Electing the President
Empty the cannon
Emptying your sex pistol
Encapsulate your probe
Engage in safe sex
Erupting Vesuvius
Escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of his denim cell
Evacuating Tatooine
Evacuating the Bomb Squad
Evicting the testicular squatters
Excercise your rights
Exercise one's right
Exercising your right to privacy
Express yourself
Extracting some crack spackle
Facha la manuela
Falling in love with your right hand
Fapping
Fastening the chin strap on the helmet of love
Faxing Jimmy Dean
Faxing the Pope
Feed the ducks
Feed the fist
Feeding bologna to the Smurfs
Feeding the chooks
Feeling your way around
Fencing with the pork sword
Fertilizing My Comforter
Fetch the bagel dog
Fetching milk
Fiddle the flesh flute
Fidget with your digit
Fight the Champ
Fight your turkey
Filling Charlie's magic sock
Finding yourself
Fire the hand cannon
Fire the Surgeon General
Fire the wobbly warhead
Firing off a round
Firing the flesh musket
Firing the love rifle
Firing the pound gun
Firing the presidential staff
Firing the Surgeon General
Firm your worm
Fishing for the two-toned trouser trout
Fishing for zipper trout
Fishing with dynamite
Fist xxxx
Fist kebabing
Fist of fury
Fist your mister
Fist Your Monster
Five knuckle olympics
Five knuckle shuffle
Five on one
Five-Digit Shuffle
Five-finger discount
Five-finger solo
Five-knuckle chuckle
Five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
Fixing the Hubble
Fixing the toilet
Flail the whale
Flame out on engine #3
Flanking the Romans
Flaying the Emperor
Flick on over the thumb
Flicking the bic
Fling your phallus
Flipping the Bishop
Flipping your omelet
Flog the bishop
Flog the Dog
Flog the dolphin
Flog the dong
Flog the log
Flog the mule
Flog yourself
Flogging the Bishop
Flogging the dong
Flogging the egg man
Flogging the frog
Flogging the General
Flogging your dumber brother
Flogging your stob
Flong your dong
Fluffing the pillow
Flute solo
Fly fishing
Flying a kite
Following my bliss
Fondle the Fig
Fondle your flagpole
Fondling the ferret
Fondling the fig
Fondling the fisherman
Fooling with your tool
Forcing Lex Luthor To Surrender
Foreplay with Fistina
Four-knuckle shuffle (for those who lost a finger in 'Nam)
Fragging the Sarge
Free Willy
Freeing the hostages
Freeing your xxxx fish into the gene pool
Friction therapy
Frig yourself
Frigging the love muscle
Friggit
Frost the pastries
Frosting your maple bar
Frugeling the gourmet
Frying up the corndog
xxxx Mary Fist
xxxxing a pillow
xxxxing Mrs. Fist, the five-fingered widow
Fun with friction
3 man show
A big date with Rosy Palms
A date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 xxxx daughters
Abusing the wicked stick
Accosting the Oscar Meyer
Addressing MrPalmer
Adjusting the antenna
Adjusting your set
Aiding and abetting a known felon
Answer the bone-a-phone
Applying the hand brake
Appropriate the means
Arguing with Henry Longfellow
Arm aerobics
Arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
Arm-wrestling the purple-headed stormtrooper
Asking for a second opinion (your second head)
Assault on a friendly weapon
Attack the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
Attending to the throb knob needs
Auditioning the hand puppet
Backstroke roulette
Badgering the witness
Baiting your hook
Ball off
Ball slappin' fun
Bangin' your bacon
Banging one out
Banging the Cyclops
Barking up the wrong tree
Bash the bishop
Bash the candle
Bashing the Bishop
Bashing the pear
Basting the ham
Batting practice
Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger
Battling the purple-helmet warrior
Be your own best friend
Beat off
Beat Pete
Beat the Bishop
Beat the Bologna
Beat the Butter
Beat the Dummy
Beat the Meat
Beat the Stick
Beat up your date
Beat your hog
Beat your meat like it owes you money
Beatin' Bobby
Beating Bob and the twins
Beating Jack
Beating off
Beating the bait
Beating the balloon
Beating the balogna
Beating the beagle
Beating the bed flute
Beating the bishop
Beating the dummy
Beating the xxxx out of your best friend
Beating the goat
Beating the old man
Beating the pud
Beating the xxxx out of your incapacitated midget
Beating the snake
Beating the snotty end of my xxxx stick
Beating the stick
Beating your meat
Beef tips stroking off
Beef-stroke-it-off
Being a virtuoso of the skin flute
Being rough with the sex stick
Being your own best friend
Belaboring the obvious
Belt your hog
Bequeath your genes
Beta testing your hardware
Biffing off
xxxxx-Slapping the Dark Knight
Blanket drill, The
Bleed the lizard
Bleed the weed
Blessing the alter boy
Bloating the vein
Blow Your load
Blow your own horn
Bludgeon the beefsteak
Blueball baseball
Blue-ball buster
Bob the hog
Bombing the German helmut
Bonging your shlong
Booting up the hard drive
Bop the boa
Bop the bonzo
Bop the hog
Bopping Richard
Bopping the bishop
Bopping the Bonzo
Bouncing the bunny
Box the Jesuit
Box with Richard
Boxin the Ballsack
Boxin' the xxxak
Boxing Oscar
Boxing Oscar in the closet
Boxing the bald champ
Boxing the clown
Boxing the Jesuit
Boxing the Jesuit and getting xxxxroaches
Boxing the one-eyed clown
Boxing the trouser mouse
Boxing with Richard
Break one off
Burping private ryan
Breaking the fish tank
Bringing MrWeasel back from the dead
Brushing up on your typing skills
Buck the bone
Buckin' it
Buff the banana
Buff the mushroom
Buff the wood
Buffin' the bishop
Buffing my wand
Buffing the rifle
Buffing your nuts
Bugger your hand
Buggering your hand
Building upper-body strength
Bunning your hot dog
Burning off a few calories
Burp the baby
Burp the baldman
Burp the worm
Bust a nut
Butter the corn
Cajun clown xxxxing
Calling all cum
Calling down for more mayo
Calling genie
Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis
Calling in the secret service
Caning the vandal
Caping the crusader
Capturing the bishop
Carrying weight
Cast off
Caulking the cracks in the bathroom tile
Chafing the weasel
Changing your oil
Charge the rod
Charging the Inertial Dampeners
Charging up the main gun
Charm the cobra
Charm the serpent/snake
Charming the cobra
Charming the one-eyed trouser snake
Cheap date
Cheating on your other hand
Check for testicular cancer
Checking for testicular cancer
Checking the plumbing
Cheese off
Chicken milking
Chilling the dill
Chipping wood
Choke Charlie 'till he chunders
Choke Kojak
Choke the bishop
Choke the chicken
Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
Choking Charlie 'till he throws up
Choking the bald guy until he pukes
Choking the chicken
Choking the hog
Choking the pirate
Choking up on the bat
Choking your chicken
Choking yourself into emission
Chong your schlong
Chopping down
Chucking the yogurt
Churning butter
Civil War
Clamp the pipe
Clean your pipes
Clean Your Rifle
Cleaning out the rope
Cleaning out your account
Cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops
Clear the snorkel
Climb the tree
Climbing Mount Baldy
Climbing Mt. Barbell (for guys with pierced xxxxs)
Climbing the corporate ladder
Clobbering the bad guy
Clobbering the Kleenex
Closet Frisbee
Closing the deal
Clubbing Eddy
Clubbing the baby seal
Clubbing the clam
Clubbing the dummy
Coating Prince William Sound with love oil
Coax the cajones
xxxxing some soup
xxxxing the rifle
Collecting a specimen
Combing the hair on your bald pig Sally
Combing your hair
Coming to grips with the situation
Coming to grips with yourself
Committing mass spermicide
Communicating with Red Leader One
Communing with nature
Conjuring Up A Rain Slicker
Conking the Cardinal
Consulting with your silent partner
Converse with Harry Palm
Cooking the cream of xxxx
Cooking with Wong
Corral your tadpole
Corralling the tadpoles
Cough your filthy yogurt
Crab tease
Crack off a batch
Cracking off
Cracking the bat
Cracking the fat
Crank the love pump
Crank the Shank
Crank yanking
Cranking
Cranking for cum
Cranking one off
Cranking the monkey
Cranking the shank
Creaming the banana
Crimp the wire
Cross-Examing the Witness
Crown the king
Crushing pop cans in the dark
Cuddle the kielbasa
Cuff the carrot
Cuff the governor
Cuffing the dummy
Cuffing the puppy
Culture the American Blood Sausage
Custer's Last Stand
Daisy-chaining
Dancing in the dragon's fiery breath
Dancing round the maypole
Dancing with Johnnie One-Eye
Dancing with the one-eyed sailor
Date Miss Michigan
Date Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters
Date Palmala Handerson
Date Rosie Palm and her five sisters
Dating Mother Palm and her five daughters
Debating the Albino Newt
Debugging the hard drive
Decongesting the weasel
Defrosting the fridge
Detoxifying the puppy
Devil's handshake
xxxx whacking
Diddle
Diddle whacking
Diddle yourself
Diddling the dinky
Digging for change
Digital penile oscillation
Digitally oscillating one's penis
Dilly with the willy
Dinging the dong
Discharging the heat-seeking moisture missile
Discipline your soldier
Disciplining the primate
Discovering your own potential
Discussing Uganda
Dishonorable discharge
Disobey the Pope
Disseminating
Distributing free literature
Do handiwork
Do it your way
Do the Dew
Do the janitor thing
Do the white knuckler
Dogger Bank
Doin' a loner with your boner
Doin' extra credit
Doin' the Hand Jive
Doin' the solitary rhumba
Doing a hand job
Doing an impression of Goofy
Doing battle with the Purple-Helmeted Warrior of Love
Doing it your way
Doing the five-knuckle shuffle
Doing the hand jive
Doing the hand-cooter
Doing the janitor thing
Doing the knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump
Doing the plotkin
Doing the pork sword jiggle
Doing the sin of Onan
Doing the Skin Limbo
Doing the White Knuckler
Doing your homework
Doing your own thing
Dong flogging
Donkey Spank
Doodle your noodle
Downing at the club (for members only)
Downing the pitcher
Downloading from your own website
Dra en handtralla
Drain Charle's xxxxens
Drain the dragon
Drain the monster
Drain the vein
Draining the dragon
Draining the main vein
Draining the monster
Draining the one-eyed monster
Draining the poisons from the building
Draining the vats
Drip the pickle
Dripping white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of lust
Driving the skin bus
Drizzle the squid
Drop off a load
Droppin' a wad of hot wax
Dropping a line
Dropping stomach pancakes
Dropping the kids off at the pool
Drubbing the dolphin
Dry humping the ottoman
Dry-Firing the Turtle
Dry-firing your musket
Duking the Bishop
Dundering the devil-dolphin
Dunking the dolphin
Dusting the old trophy
Eating grapes with the one-armed man
Eberting Siskel
Educating Peter
Electing the President
Empty the cannon
Emptying your sex pistol
Encapsulate your probe
Engage in safe sex
Erupting Vesuvius
Escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of his denim cell
Evacuating Tatooine
Evacuating the Bomb Squad
Evicting the testicular squatters
Excercise your rights
Exercise one's right
Exercising your right to privacy
Express yourself
Extracting some crack spackle
Facha la manuela
Falling in love with your right hand
Fapping
Fastening the chin strap on the helmet of love
Faxing Jimmy Dean
Faxing the Pope
Feed the ducks
Feed the fist
Feeding bologna to the Smurfs
Feeding the chooks
Feeling your way around
Fencing with the pork sword
Fertilizing My Comforter
Fetch the bagel dog
Fetching milk
Fiddle the flesh flute
Fidget with your digit
Fight the Champ
Fight your turkey
Filling Charlie's magic sock
Finding yourself
Fire the hand cannon
Fire the Surgeon General
Fire the wobbly warhead
Firing off a round
Firing the flesh musket
Firing the love rifle
Firing the pound gun
Firing the presidential staff
Firing the Surgeon General
Firm your worm
Fishing for the two-toned trouser trout
Fishing for zipper trout
Fishing with dynamite
Fist xxxx
Fist kebabing
Fist of fury
Fist your mister
Fist Your Monster
Five knuckle olympics
Five knuckle shuffle
Five on one
Five-Digit Shuffle
Five-finger discount
Five-finger solo
Five-knuckle chuckle
Five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
Fixing the Hubble
Fixing the toilet
Flail the whale
Flame out on engine #3
Flanking the Romans
Flaying the Emperor
Flick on over the thumb
Flicking the bic
Fling your phallus
Flipping the Bishop
Flipping your omelet
Flog the bishop
Flog the Dog
Flog the dolphin
Flog the dong
Flog the log
Flog the mule
Flog yourself
Flogging the Bishop
Flogging the dong
Flogging the egg man
Flogging the frog
Flogging the General
Flogging your dumber brother
Flogging your stob
Flong your dong
Fluffing the pillow
Flute solo
Fly fishing
Flying a kite
Following my bliss
Fondle the Fig
Fondle your flagpole
Fondling the ferret
Fondling the fig
Fondling the fisherman
Fooling with your tool
Forcing Lex Luthor To Surrender
Foreplay with Fistina
Four-knuckle shuffle (for those who lost a finger in 'Nam)
Fragging the Sarge
Free Willy
Freeing the hostages
Freeing your xxxx fish into the gene pool
Friction therapy
Frig yourself
Frigging the love muscle
Friggit
Frost the pastries
Frosting your maple bar
Frugeling the gourmet
Frying up the corndog
xxxx Mary Fist
xxxxing a pillow
xxxxing Mrs. Fist, the five-fingered widow
Fun with friction
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