WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

[MrHyeSev]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

The elderly Italian:


The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.

"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"

[MrHyeSev]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Dirty Grandma Joke:

There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

I just had to register on this forum so I could post a few jokes of my own

What's blue and xxxxs old ladies?
Hypothermia.

What's red and xxxxs old ladies?
Me in my lucky red coat.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.

What's got 20 legs and makes women scream?
Gang rape.

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you're already told her twice.

Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.

Why does Noddy have a bell on his hat?
Because he's a xxxx.

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
Because he doesn't know he's black.

How do you get a leper out of a bath?
With a sieve.

What do you do if an epeliptic has a fit in the bath?
Chuck your washing in.

Abortion: It really brings out the child in you.

/exit

[Artandsky]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Hi PepsiAddict

Here is something for you.

[Ari]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

whats good about fuking thirty five year olds


theres thirty of them

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Got some good ones too...

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can cum on it's face

Tommy asks his friend: "So what did you get for Christmas?"
His friends replies: "I got a bike, a go kart, a quadbike, an xbox 360 with 30 games, a PlayStation 3 with 30 games, an electric guitar, a drum kit, a new PC, a laptop, a surround sound entertainment centre, a new watch, loads of clothes, loads of sweets, a holiday around the world, and loads more!"
To which Tommy replies: "Aww, I wish I had Leucemia"

I met a girl last week who said she wanted to be treated like a princess, so I put her in the back of a mercedes and drove it into a tunnel wall.

What do you do if you see a paki run at you with half a head?
Stop laughing and reload (I'm not racist, this joke works with any ethnicity)

What did the little blind deaf and dumb boy get for christmas?
Cancer

A little boy is having a bath with his Dad and asks, "Daddy, what's the difference on our willie's?"
His Dad says, "Well for a start son, mine's is erect"

[crusader1492]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

GOOD DAY SIR!!!

[MrHyeSev]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

I'm not MrPepsiHye, my nick is PepsiAddict.

& you need to read between the lines to get the joke...GoodDay.

[crusader1492]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Social Security:


A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

I don't get it MrPepsiHye ...can you explain the punch line for me? Why would dropping his pants help get disability????

[MrHyeSev]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Social Security:


A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."