Attraction to women

[Inthemood]

Re: Attraction for men

Unlike One-Way I don't believe it's a black and white issue. Even if you are in a relationship, attraction is attraction.

The mere virtue of being involved in a relationship does not make one blind to beautiful people and attraction. The problem is in the emphasis that is placed. You can be alone and appreciate a beautiful woman or handsome man, and be with your significant other and be inappropriate. Likewise, you can be with your other and acknowledge "He/she is a good looking man/woman."

Attraction is not a choice, unlike love. However, because it is not a choice, it does not mean you cannot choose to control it. In other words, let's not confuse the choice with a lack of choice. What you find attractive and gravitate toward on a carnal and physical/chemical level does not mean that you have no choice in curbing it or exercising restraint. If that were the case then there should be no relationships since everyone would be even more blatantly animalistic in their deceptions and infidelities.

As One-Way pointed out, you just don't allow yourself to develop a bond or get interested because you know that is a road that leads to nowhere but problems. And I should say, it says more about you then your significant other. Maybe there is something about your significant other that you do not like and were hiding it inside in the depths of your being.

She can be the hottest girl for miles, but if that overshadows her personality, your relationship will fail. She can be the most amiable girl for miles, but if that overshadows her looks, your relationship will fail. A relationship simply needs both emotional and physical attraction to work. It is a matter of the heart and penis, not the mind, thus this attraction must be felt and not rationalized. For if the latter, then you end up precisely in scenarios where you are flirting at work with someone who you are attracted to.

That is exactly how I think! You can't stop noticing attractive people, but the moment there is even a little hint of emotional attachment, the smart thing is to distance yourself. Once you allow it to develop it'll be difficult to stop it, and you are right that road leads to a very dangerous zone.

What I found interesting is what you said about the significant other. So you don't think that it's possible to be devoted to your partner, but someone exciting comes along and you won't entertain the thought of "what if?" I think that when you really get used to someone and you share everything together it becomes somewhat predictable (in a good way of course), the idea of something new, unexplored and mysterious is enticing.

How about if you love the way your SO looks, say she has a big booty (which is supposedly one of your favorite features) but her boobs are average (also a favorite feature). Overall you love everything, but this new woman comes along, you don't know her very much, what you see is excitement, connection and an additional feature of big boobs. It's like an upgraded version of your SO. I believe that every man will be tempted, no matter how much they love their SO.

[One-Way]

Re: Attraction for men

Well, it's not really looking per se. You happened to be around this person a lot, you end up communicating and little by little you develop a bond. It helps if the woman is very attractive, I'm sure. Perhaps in school it's different, but if it's at work and you have to work together it could be a more serious situation. What would you do if the woman is very cool, sexy, funny and clever and she is a good friend to you. No intentions from the beginning, but what about later?

I guess since I keep a great distance at school, I don't have that problem with classmates. I keep to myself, especially since I'm not doing my undergrad yet. Maybe when I start studying actual classes according to my major, I'll have to network more.

I also work in a family business so the only female there is a secretary who is too old and unattractive.

But again, I see what you're saying. I notice attractive people; male and female. However, I guess since I'm already so distance given the circumstances, I'm no longer having the opportunity to make those friends. I can tell you this, though. No matter how friendy/attractive they are, I'm commited. I can make male/female friends but that's all they will remain.

[Inthemood]

Re: Attraction for men

I think it's perfectly normal to have some connection, even attraction women other than the one you're with.

If you get to close to some other girl, without actually doing anything with them, at least be careful not to explicitly grade the girl you are with based on "all the wonderful qualities" of this other girl. That's a no no. You might find yourself all alone.

For advice on how to "jump ship" between relationships, you'll have to ask someone else, I've never done that.

Good point. I think many fall into that trap of "all the wonderful qualities." Very rarely is grass greener on the other side.

There is also an additional factor. Women/girls who are thrilled by the idea of seducing a taken man. It's really the chase, if the mission is accomplished they lose interest. But for some reason men fail to understand that.

[One-Way]

Re: Attraction to women

I agree with the latter part of your post. When I first got into a relationship, all the girls I used to know suddenly became interested in me.

[Inthemood]

Re: Attraction for men

I guess since I keep a great distance at school, I don't have that problem with classmates. I keep to myself, especially since I'm not doing my undergrad yet. Maybe when I start studying actual classes according to my major, I'll have to network more.

I also work in a family business so the only female there is a secretary who is too old and unattractive.

But again, I see what you're saying. I notice attractive people; male and female. However, I guess since I'm already so distance given the circumstances, I'm no longer having the opportunity to make those friends. I can tell you this, though. No matter how friendy/attractive they are, I'm commited. I can make male/female friends but that's all they will remain.

I think you are very young. Are you still in high school? It's good to hear that you have such strong principles. However, one thing that I've learned is that you should never say things definitively or categorically. Life is quite the little playful devil sometimes, just when you are certain that you never will, it happens.

[Inthemood]

Re: Attraction to women

I agree with the latter part of your post. When I first got into a relationship, all the girls I used to know suddenly became interested in me.

It's definitely the case. Women love to be the beast tamers. It's the power of their seduction and their beauty. If they conquer a man they feel validated as valuable and beautiful women. Lack of confidence I guess.

Perhaps it's the same way with men. But I think they rarely bother if the girl/woman is not very attractive.

[One-Way]

Re: Attraction for men

I think you are very young. Are you still in high school? It's good to hear that you have such strong principles. However, one thing that I've learned is that you should never say things definitively or categorically. Life is quite the little playful devil sometimes, just when you are certain that you never will, it happens.

Anything can happen, I agree.

Enough have happened during my time with my girlfriend which would have caused another man to steer away. As I said, when we first got together, many girls I knew started calling me again.

I am pretty young, only 21, but I'm mature enough to know what I'm doing. I have always wanted a girlfriend. I was never the type of guy who would meet girls at parties or go on many dates. I always wanted a girlfriend, which would close the book on all other acquaintances. When I got with my girlfriend, that was that. Every girl I meet now, I can't stand them because I've grown to love my girlfriend and everything about her. I can't handle the stress or anxiety other girls have -- they all seem too loud, too stupid, etc.

It's always been like this with me.

[Sip]

Re: Attraction to women

You don't really turn off attraction ... you turn off your responses to the attraction. Different people deal with it differently and it's a lot easier to be a male since you are usually the one to initiate some action based on attraction. Girls often tend to just send signals ... of course some do act but that is not very common in my case at least ... and of course I'm no Brad Pitt or Michael Phelps or anything so it's probably very different for them

[Anonymouse]

Re: Attraction for men

That is exactly how I think! You can't stop noticing attractive people, but the moment there is even a little hint of emotional attachment, the smart thing is to distance yourself. Once you allow it to develop it'll be difficult to stop it, and you are right that road leads to a very dangerous zone.

What I found interesting is what you said about the significant other. So you don't think that it's possible to be devoted to your partner, but someone exciting comes along and you won't entertain the thought of "what if?" I think that when you really get used to someone and you share everything together it becomes somewhat predictable (in a good way of course), the idea of something new, unexplored and mysterious is enticing.

How about if you love the way your SO looks, say she has a big booty (which is supposedly one of your favorite features) but her boobs are average (also a favorite feature). Overall you love everything, but this new woman comes along, you don't know her very much, what you see is excitement, connection and an additional feature of big boobs. It's like an upgraded version of your SO. I believe that every man will be tempted, no matter how much they love their SO.

The idea of something new is always enticing, of course. But one should not let the new be the guide of the old. It is often a reflection of simple minds and it says a lot about an individual when one cannot appreciate what one has. The constant dance from hither and thither to every new stimuli is a reflection of an unstable mind and one who cannot keep stable relationships. But that stems from their own inner instability and imbalance of character. Therefore, be weary of any individual that is easily taken aback by the thrill of the new. The new is not really new, because whatever it is, will eventually be old. It is only in that window or time frame of your mind before you truly know that knew thrill that you associate newness to it. Once that passes and fades, it becomes the same thing from which you were seeking escapism previously.

You 'believe' that every man will be tempted. Sure. Just like every woman is tempted. Just like every one is tempted. Temptation comes in many forms and to everybody. But before one is tempted you must know yourself well and know that which is your weakness or that which shakes the foundations of your character the most and have mystical lines drawn in the sand of "This will not be a part of me." But if you have no moral compass, then how can you ever know whether you are being tempted or not? Ask the vainglorious amongst us who precisely fall victim to these cheap knew thrills whether they felt they were tempted. They would likely not say tempted but "it just happened" or "one thing led to another." LOL. In other words, this idea of temptation does not occur in their cognition.

Weak minded fools they all are.

And this is what all religions and philosophies in the depths sought to address, this idea between taming your animal side because only via that can you gain the esoteric knowledge of man's spiritual side. But some people are too base to even realize that and so they are a complete mess in every facet of their lives.

[Anonymouse]

Re: Attraction to women

You don't really turn off attraction ... you turn off your responses to the attraction. Different people deal with it differently and it's a lot easier to be a male since you are usually the one to initiate some action based on attraction. Girls often tend to just send signals ... of course some do act but that is not very common in my case at least ... and of course I'm no Brad Pitt or Michael Phelps or anything so it's probably very different for them

I'm sure some chicks love the wicked brain power.