What about divorced people?

[Siggie]

Re: What about divorced people?

Interesting topic. I hear you Mouse and I also understand what Anahita is saying.

I think that in many cases the blame for the implosion of the marriage is due to special and dire circumstances, like adultery, abuse, etc. But overall, from what I've seen, heard and considered it is not. One of the reasons marriages implode is because the two partners were not ready psychologically for this longwinded experiment in mutual coexistence, due to being immature, selfish, mentally unstable (too many issues), etc. Such people will invariably be unable to adapt, healthily compromise, and make the relationship grow, because their own persons require some growing still. Here's I agree with Mouse that unfortunately a huge part of today's society is full of such lacking and weakness. For every mentally healthy, balanced, mature person I see, there are 20 sniveling children in adults' bodies. Such people are incapable of a healthy and long relationship. By the way, I'm not without problems either, no one is, but I'd like to believe I'm on my way to become more complete and I refuse to tie a knot until I've achieve a minimal level of mental maturity and readiness for marriage.

The second reason is that they really hadn't found their best fit. So many people I think confuse 100s of things for love and mutual fit. People make decisions about marrying someone the same way they decide on dating someone, without realizing that it is not easy to live with a person 24 hours a day every day. They rush into marriage the same way they rushed into the sack and 2 years later they are shocked to find out they have nothing in common and they seriously rub each other the wrong way. My analogy is that of buying a car (sorry to cheapen the topic). People don't buy cars because of the bells of whistles or comfy seats; they buy cars foremost because of balanced and healthy engines and solid drive train. The CD player sweetens the deal, but foremost you've got to ascertain that you can drive the car long after the sunroof is broke.

So, leading from the above mess, I'd say that a person whose marriage ended due to their mental carelessness or utter incapability to nurture it would def not be my ideal to enter into wedlock with.

Werd!

I think you've pretty much summed up my feelings on the matter, but some people who have made bad choices in the past may have learned from the experience.
I know two people, one is a good friend, who got married at 18/19 and both are now divorced not surprisingly. Both are very smart otherwise and have done great in other aspects of their lives. They just made a mistake when they were too young. So, I can see both sides. Someone like that who can they were young and stupid and know better now isn't as bad I think. Or maybe I'm just making excuses for a friend.

[karoaper]

Re: What about divorced people?

Werd!

I think you've pretty much summed up my feelings on the matter, but some people who have made bad choices in the past may have learned from the experience.
I know two people, one is a good friend, who got married at 18/19 and both are now divorced not surprisingly. Both are very smart otherwise and have done great in other aspects of their lives. They just made a mistake when they were too young. So, I can see both sides. Someone like that who can they were young and stupid and know better now isn't as bad I think. Or maybe I'm just making excuses for a friend.

Siggs, now you basically summed up the little follow up I wanted to add to my post, but didn't have the time. And that is that indeed people make mistakes and they learn and also sometimes people make the best decisions they can make and seriously approach marriage, but still things go south. Sometimes people do change during new and previously unknown experiences, like marriage, and sometimes those changes are for worse. There are many cases when saddly, divorce is a blessing, much like death sometimes is. The key is to be thouroughly honest to yourself and to others, so that if xxxx does hit the fan, you will always have the knowledge that you did your best to make the right choices. This way, as you said you will simply learn and be so much the better candidate for a long and happy marriage, like in the books.

[TomServo]

On Divorce

Euphagenia Doubtfire: "Marriage can be such a blessing."
Miranda Hillard: "So can divorce."

[Siggie]

Re: What about divorced people?

Wow! An appropriate quote from Mrs. Doubtfire.

[Anahita]

Re: What about divorced people?

Mrs. Doubtfire: Sink the sub. Hide the weasel. Park the porpoise. A bit of the old Humpty Dumpty, Little Jack Horny, the Horizontal Mambo, hmm? The Bone Dancer, Rumpleforeskin, Baloney Bop, a bit of the cunning linguisitics?

2004

Genius? Nothing! Sticking to it is the genius! ... I've failed my way to success."--Thomas Edison

Wonder why I don't make such mistakes? ...

MISTAKES ARE GOOD

You may have heard this before, but I bet you still hate the idea of screwing up and embarrassing yourself in front of everybody. This is understandable. We aren't very nice to people who make mistakes...

Thanks to the 'guest' lookin at this thread a few mins ago...

[ddd]

Re: What about divorced people?

I just hope I never get divorced. Which would be impossible if I never get married. Hmmmmm.......

[Anahita]

Re: What about divorced people?

I just hope I never get divorced. Which would be impossible if I never get married. Hmmmmm.......

I suppose that depends on what people view as ‘getting married.’ I got legally married in my church (i.e., at the base of a giant waterfall in the rainforest.)

My divorce was as simple as my marriage (minus the muddy hike in a wedding dress and boots, with a cake). We agreed to things (like finance and custody) and had a judge sign. Most people can't figure out how to do that.

[One-Way]

Re: What about divorced people?

Why divorce when you can just kill her?

[Anahita]

Re: What about divorced people?

Why divorce when you can just kill her?

Lovely.

[One-Way]

Re: What about divorced people?

Lovely.