I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

[One-Way]

Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

I'm open to all advice, but letting go of my cousin is not such great advice. What does it solve? Why be selfish and let him go?

[Anahita]

Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

I'm open to all advice, but letting go of my cousin is not such great advice. What does it solve? Why be selfish and let him go?

I'd ask Anonymouse what he means by 'let him go.'

[One-Way]

Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

It's pretty clear.

[Anahita]

Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

Not to me. When someone says 'let go,' I have at least 15 different meanings that I associate with those two words. I'm guessing that you have an idea of what that means. Anon has an idea about he means. Maybe those are the same, maybe not.

I'm guessing you think he means forget about him and don't worry about him. Maybe he means that, but are you sure?

[Edit. I can tell you to 'let him go.' If I say that here, to you, I'd mean that you don't have the capacity to take on his problems more than you can. You can offer help. You can love and support him. But, ultimately, you can only do what you can do. If I said that to you, I'd mean you can and seem to be doing all you can do. Don't feel you somehow fail if he doesn't turn around right away. Poorly worded, but I hope the idea comes across.]

[One-Way]

Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

Yes, I am.

[Anahita]

Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

Yes, I am.

And, just so that you know, just your concern alone DOES help him. You telling him that you are concerned (and why) helps even more.

[One-Way]

Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

I know, I know.

[Anonymouse]

Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

What I meant is sometimes it is best to let people go. To let them find the road themselves and see the way things are by themselves. And if they don't, you find a new friend. Sometimes you can alienate people more by your concern, and although you have good intentions, it is often translated as the tyranny of good intentions. Do not always assume that they see what you see, or feel what you feel.

The problem is you keep stating how everything that is happening is "nothing bad", but yet you made a whole thread in which your concern seeps from between the text. You seem more concerned than you admit yourself to be. Furthermore, I sense you are maybe a bit jealous of the attention your "friend" (cousin) is giving to his new buddies and you feel powerless that you cannot influence him (yes, friendship is as much about power relations and influence as anything else). Why should a friendship be based on that to begin with? Why would you want to be a friend with someone who is that easily influenced by people?

In the alternative, have you thought that maybe he actually prefers the company of these buddies over you? Maybe he found 'himself' with them that he was lacking with you? I doubt this is the case since I don't think anyone in their right mind would willfully start to speak in the low class half a language called ebonics. Actually, that would be my number one reason why I wouldn't be friends with him and let him go.

These are my opinions and advice. Hope this helps.

[Anahita]

Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

... I doubt this is the case since I don't think anyone in their right mind would willfully start to speak in the low class half a language called ebonics. Actually, that would be my number one reason why I wouldn't be friends with him and let him go.

These are my opinions and advice. Hope this helps.

You made some good points there, Anon. Things later slurried into a critique 'low' (blue, snail, insert other word here) class gibberish talk, though. Should I bow to a ‘superior’ version of the English language or to a [insert random word here] superior ‘culture.’ I love the English language because it is such a beautiful mix of all kinds of languages and cultures and histories (and also why it is so difficult to master for non-native speakers.) Sorry, I'm just preachin...

"She's my priestess. I'm your priest." Dani California. Chili Peppers

[Siggie]

Re: I Need To Help Someone, I Need Your Advice

I'm with the Mouse on this one.
I think, sure you should sit him down and tell him what you have seen, what you think, your concerns, etc, but if he doesn't see it, there's not really much else you can do. You can't force him to do anything.

Sometimes you have to just let go and let people make their own mistakes. When your cousin realizes he messed up and is ready to change, then you can be there to help him. You can't really help those that don't want help.


Anahita, potency doesn't affect the addictiveness in the way that you think. Plants with lower content would just be used in greater quantity to get the "high."

It's not like cocaine wasn't addictive before people learned how to make crack.

Oh and Armen if you want to talk to him about the weed, ask him about how he feels when he's not high now compared to before he smoked. See if he's noticed changes in his ability to enjoy things. Drugs mess with the brain's reward systems and that's what makes it so hard to quit. It raises the threshold for rewards, so it takes waaaay more than it did before. When you use though, it drops it down again while you're high. Problem it's very slow to start going back when you abstain, although it does. It never really gets back to where it was before the drug was ever introduced though. Essentially, it makes changes in your brain and when you stop, there's nothing to go back in and completely reverse those changes. Not to imply that it's hopeless... it's just not that easy. I'm not certain if I'm remembering this correctly or not, but I don't think Marijuana does this to the degree that other drugs do, so it's not as hard. The rest of that stuff is the simplified version of what's currently known in the field though.