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I love this country! Yes you read it right, I love the US. And my recent conversation with a few of my friends assured me of it even more so.
It's absolutely true that you don't appreciate what you have until you see the other side. I had a conversation with two of my friends who recently went to Hayastan. All of us came to the US at approximately the same age. I haven't gone back, but they went a few times, their last visit was a serious eye opener.
Aside from our regular discussion about the politics of the country and it's evolution we touched upon a different subject: “values”. I need to mention their ages as well and a brief background. One of the women is 23 years old, an extremely intelligent, attractive, talented and academically “superior” Phd student. Yes, at the age of 23 she is starting her PhD program. Second one is an equally attractive, intelligent and an extremely funny 26 year old. Both of them have incorporated the westernized views into their Armenian life. So it was interesting to hear their perspective.
They mentioned that the change is visible but essentially the old school mentality is very noticeable and somewhat oppressing, if not depressing. Apparently the main point of life is still to get married. People get married at a very young age, because after 21 everyone starts looking at you cross eyed and the pressure starts pouring from every direction. People have no understanding of personal exploration or higher goals. After one gets or "buys" their diploma it is time to tie the knot. Women who are stretching their single status are frowned upon, and explaining to others that there is such thing as a career and higher education is like teaching them Chinese. My friend was extremely frustrated, when she was trying to explain that she wanted to get her PhD and move out and travel a bit before she thinks about settling down. Her relatives were clueless of such lifestyle and kept on trying to introduce her to nice guys because it was time for her to fertilize her virgin soil. “Yes, but when are you going to get married?” was the question that consistently came up as she was explaining the structure of the American educational system. The women they went out with were constantly talking about finding a husband, and walked around like vaulters looking for a “rich” prey. Although they tried to appear liberal in front of my New York friends, their mentality was transparent.
What was even more shocking is what I heard next. Adultery.... Yes, adultery that became almost synonymous with success and prestige, not to even mention socially acceptable. Almost all of the rich men of the country had a few mistresses, the more you have the more distinguished you are. It is so terrible, that these mistresses are well known in Yerevan, recognizable by their extraordinary cars that they drive, expensive jewelry they wear and their latest fashion not even New Yorkers can afford. Police doesn't even stop some of those women when they brake the rules, because they know whom they “belong” to. The families (wifes) are well aware of such “phenomenon” and turn their blind eye, because once again it's socially acceptable. All of this made my blood rush to my temples as I developed a feverish seizures, sprung from my anger and disgust.
And last but not least, was a story of a young woman they met, a family friend. The girl was only 24 years old but looked like she was 35. “Why?” I asked. Well apparently because she's been trying so hard to get pregnant and her body was rejecting the “possibility”. So she turned to hormones; injecting herself on daily bases for a year, she looked tired was severely depressed. After talking some time to her, my friend asked why she puts herself through this torture if she can simply adopt. HA!!!!! Well you can imagine how insane her suggestion seemed to a girl who responded that her family (her husband, her parents and his parents) want a child. THEY WANT A CHILD!!!!! She couldn't imagine her life as an individual just some sort of a speckle of this BIG unit of important people who make the decisions for her and somehow are comfortable with watching her suffer. That is all of course because “God forbid, what will the people say if you can't have kids. They will think that you are a damaged material and we will be the laughing stock forever.” Phucking morons, living in their idiotic boxes of socially warped standards of what they think "real" values are.
In conclusion, I have to say that listening to those stories was like a revelation for me. I've heard similar tales from many women in my parent's generation, and honestly thought that things evolved. But dammit people don't change, some people remain slaves to their cultures and their stone age mentality. My close friend living in Yerevan confirmed such occurrences as a sad truth of their life, “we still have a lot to learn as a nation and as people”. Shyt, I've always considered myself a fast learner, and such microscopic process is something I am glad not be a part of. I love this country and the countless possibilities and opportunities which are available to chose from, where I can develop my own standards and progress as an individual rather than some insignificant and faceless particle of a larger picture with engraved and warped rules.
It's absolutely true that you don't appreciate what you have until you see the other side. I had a conversation with two of my friends who recently went to Hayastan. All of us came to the US at approximately the same age. I haven't gone back, but they went a few times, their last visit was a serious eye opener.
Aside from our regular discussion about the politics of the country and it's evolution we touched upon a different subject: “values”. I need to mention their ages as well and a brief background. One of the women is 23 years old, an extremely intelligent, attractive, talented and academically “superior” Phd student. Yes, at the age of 23 she is starting her PhD program. Second one is an equally attractive, intelligent and an extremely funny 26 year old. Both of them have incorporated the westernized views into their Armenian life. So it was interesting to hear their perspective.
They mentioned that the change is visible but essentially the old school mentality is very noticeable and somewhat oppressing, if not depressing. Apparently the main point of life is still to get married. People get married at a very young age, because after 21 everyone starts looking at you cross eyed and the pressure starts pouring from every direction. People have no understanding of personal exploration or higher goals. After one gets or "buys" their diploma it is time to tie the knot. Women who are stretching their single status are frowned upon, and explaining to others that there is such thing as a career and higher education is like teaching them Chinese. My friend was extremely frustrated, when she was trying to explain that she wanted to get her PhD and move out and travel a bit before she thinks about settling down. Her relatives were clueless of such lifestyle and kept on trying to introduce her to nice guys because it was time for her to fertilize her virgin soil. “Yes, but when are you going to get married?” was the question that consistently came up as she was explaining the structure of the American educational system. The women they went out with were constantly talking about finding a husband, and walked around like vaulters looking for a “rich” prey. Although they tried to appear liberal in front of my New York friends, their mentality was transparent.
What was even more shocking is what I heard next. Adultery.... Yes, adultery that became almost synonymous with success and prestige, not to even mention socially acceptable. Almost all of the rich men of the country had a few mistresses, the more you have the more distinguished you are. It is so terrible, that these mistresses are well known in Yerevan, recognizable by their extraordinary cars that they drive, expensive jewelry they wear and their latest fashion not even New Yorkers can afford. Police doesn't even stop some of those women when they brake the rules, because they know whom they “belong” to. The families (wifes) are well aware of such “phenomenon” and turn their blind eye, because once again it's socially acceptable. All of this made my blood rush to my temples as I developed a feverish seizures, sprung from my anger and disgust.
And last but not least, was a story of a young woman they met, a family friend. The girl was only 24 years old but looked like she was 35. “Why?” I asked. Well apparently because she's been trying so hard to get pregnant and her body was rejecting the “possibility”. So she turned to hormones; injecting herself on daily bases for a year, she looked tired was severely depressed. After talking some time to her, my friend asked why she puts herself through this torture if she can simply adopt. HA!!!!! Well you can imagine how insane her suggestion seemed to a girl who responded that her family (her husband, her parents and his parents) want a child. THEY WANT A CHILD!!!!! She couldn't imagine her life as an individual just some sort of a speckle of this BIG unit of important people who make the decisions for her and somehow are comfortable with watching her suffer. That is all of course because “God forbid, what will the people say if you can't have kids. They will think that you are a damaged material and we will be the laughing stock forever.” Phucking morons, living in their idiotic boxes of socially warped standards of what they think "real" values are.
In conclusion, I have to say that listening to those stories was like a revelation for me. I've heard similar tales from many women in my parent's generation, and honestly thought that things evolved. But dammit people don't change, some people remain slaves to their cultures and their stone age mentality. My close friend living in Yerevan confirmed such occurrences as a sad truth of their life, “we still have a lot to learn as a nation and as people”. Shyt, I've always considered myself a fast learner, and such microscopic process is something I am glad not be a part of. I love this country and the countless possibilities and opportunities which are available to chose from, where I can develop my own standards and progress as an individual rather than some insignificant and faceless particle of a larger picture with engraved and warped rules.
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