Feelings of Rejection

[loseyourname]

I really got fired for telling off the GM when he accused me of attempting to show off, despite the fact that there was no one else in the vicinity. xxxxin' Diamond Quimby lookalike Kennedy wannabe.

[Anonymouse]

Originally posted by loseyourname I really got fired for telling off the GM when he accused me of attempting to show off, despite the fact that there was no one else in the vicinity. xxxxin' Diamond Quimby lookalike Kennedy wannabe.

You also see the similarity of Mayor Quimby and Kennedy? Gee I thought I was the only one due to the marijuana intake.

[Anonymouse]

Originally posted by loseyourname All right, fine. This is going to take a while.

I may as well admit, I met the girl online. She lived in NJ and I lived here; we began our relationship as pen-pals. We both had an interest in writing, so we exchanged short stories. It wasn't long before we began to exchange details of our personal lives and realized we had a lot in common. Anyway, she flew out to meet me, it was the best two weeks of my life, fast forward one month, one lost job, one lost apartment, one broken marriage, and one terrible feeling that I just didn't belong in this state, and I moved to the east coast to be with her and get a new start.

Things went wonderful at first. I have never been freer in my entire life, even though I spent most of my time online looking at various schools. The thing was, I could do that and not feel like I was losing time; she supported me and cared for me in a way I doubt anyone ever will again. I regained a lot of motivation I had lost, regained a lot of confidence.

Well, needless to say, there were speedbumps. I had difficulty finding a job. I got fired from one for breaking an elevator, then two other places said they'd hire me and never called me back - one did hire me but never called me in for an orientation. I ended up living with her mother, who had lived alone, and driving her car around, since she really didn't need it down at Rutgers. I'd visit her a couple times a week, but it got to the point where I was a drain on her and her mother. I had some wonderful times, saw a great deal of the middle atlantic, but ultimately decided to move back, because I was still technically a California resident and school was just so much cheaper here. Plus, I could lean on my family, though it was the last thing in the world I wanted to do.

When I came back, she was in financial straits, largely because of me. She was a very generous girl but bought things mostly on credit. Don't get me wrong; I wasn't forcing her to buy my necessities or anything, she was just an excessive gift-giver. The point is, she said she'd visit during breaks in school, but every time one came, she wasn't able to. I held up pretty well. I was very focused on school, and did very well. I completely absorbed myself in my studies and just tried to keep myself as busy as I possibly could in order to make the time pass quickly, knowing I would see her again soon enough. Her time did not pass so smoothly. She didn't do well with the lack of human contact, and began hanging out at the college bars, and developed a slight drinking habit. It was her final semester and she felt too much pressure knowing she would be out in the real world soon enough. She flirted with breaking up with me, but never did it.

At the end of the summer, I finally flew back out there to spend another couple of weeks with her. It was even better than the first time. Non-stop sex and road trips, visiting schools all over New England, and quality time spent restauranting in Manhattan, courtesy of her Upper East Side-dwelling father. It was bliss all over again, and besides, the fights had stopped. We had perfect relations the entire summer, and everything seemed to be resolved. I would transfer back to the east coast come the following fall, and we would never have these issues again.

Well, fast forward again to October. I'm working and going to school - a lot. I have little time to call. She's getting very anxious about not being able to find a job, and she still hasn't graduated because she failed to pass an algebra proficiency exam. October 21st, and I finally have a break and call her, hoping for a release from all the stress of being so ridiculously busy. It doesn't come. Instead I get "Adam, I want to break up. This is getting too hard; it isn't even a real relationship. Besides, there's been the thought of someone else. I don't want to cheat on you." She goes on to explain the details of what she calls her 'quarter-life crisis,' telling me she wants to experiment with drugs, have multiple sexual partners (I was her first) and can't see her settling down besides. She says she wants to be a mother someday but not a wife - despite all the dreams we had had together for nearly two years.

I suppose I'm doing perfectly fine at this point, but I can't really say the same for her. Every time we speak now, there is a newfound sense of desperation in her voice, as she tells me of how she fainted on Halloween from malnutrition or of how she takes morphine to help her sleep at night. It breaks my heart every time.

You should write Romance Novels and turn it into a nice cash cow for desperate yet horny women who've had similar love shambles.

[felizitation]

Originally posted by Arvestaked Nothing much upsets me more than infidelity. It is painful and makes you feel like you have no value.

I am sure everyone goes through the phase of questioning the possiblity of their finding true love. I am going through that phase but am also trying to convince myself that it is only a phase.

But, finding it is very important to me. I will never run away from the possibility. But I will make someone sign a contract that says, "I promise I will not cheat on you and give you the freedom to kill me and my other partner if I do."

I'm afraid of being complied to resign myself.
I mean, I don't want to explain what/who/how broke my heart, it was difficult and still is.

The fact is that I think i'll never be so engaged, from passional and intellectual point of view. I'm trying to convince myself that this kind of relationship is a fake and will never succeed in anything good. So, i'm trying to convince myself that "good" relation are the reasonable ones.

I thought a lot about this phase stuff.
Last year, I was with a spanish girl. Everything was fine, she was cool, we had very good times... If only I think, she was perfect for me, but the feelings weren't there and I simply couldn't love her.

It was the same with an armenian girl. She's like the perfect girl every guy wants. I didn't feel engaged.

Then, the same, and again the same.

I'm wondering if i'm not doomed. One day, i'll get married with a girl who fits "technically" all my expectations. This will be great to create a family.
I'm resigning to this idea, and it frighten me. I don't want to act as if passion should not exist anymore.

[loseyourname]

Originally posted by Anonymouse You should write Romance Novels and turn it into a nice cash cow for desperate yet horny women who've had similar love shambles.

If I'm ever desperate, it's good to know I'll have something to fall back on.

[felizitation]

Originally posted by loseyourname If I'm ever desperate, it's good to know I'll have something to fall back on.

I'm glad to see that no one is reacting concerning my wonderings.

Thanks guys, I thought we were friends.

[loseyourname]

Originally posted by felizitation I'm resigning to this idea, and it frighten me. I don't want to act as if passion should not exist anymore.

Then don't. Why can't a person you're passionate about be the right girl? Maybe what you want, even what you need, isn't the great family gal. Frankly, granted I don't know you well, but you don't seem like much of a family guy anyway. I'm sure there has to be someone out there that sparks your interest and also has the emotional strength and stability to make a relationship work. If you can't find her, maybe the problem is you. Either way, you should not resign yourself to girls that don't do anything for you. You're going to end up resenting them and treating them badly and things will never work out.

[felizitation]

Originally posted by loseyourname Then don't. Why can't a person you're passionate about be the right girl? Maybe what you want, even what you need, isn't the great family gal. Frankly, granted I don't know you well, but you don't seem like much of a family guy anyway. I'm sure there has to be someone out there that sparks your interest and also has the emotional strength and stability to make a relationship work. If you can't find her, maybe the problem is you. Either way, you should not resign yourself to girls that don't do anything for you. You're going to end up resenting them and treating them badly and things will never work out.

Thks guy.
Actually, I'm hidding myself. I think I'm sentitive enough to "feel" people really quickly, and if I may say i'm like someone, I'll choose Arvee for the likiness (without the xxxxring stuff).
I'm much more sensitive, passionate and fragile than you are describing me.
The problem i raised is that i fear deception, i was at the cutting edge of death during a while, and i don't want to live this again.
Passion frighten me, and avoiding passion frighten me also.
I want to take control over my feelings, but i simply unable to do that. Unless it is not passion but reason.
I'd prefer stay alone or cut my balls instead of living with someone i see like a duty.

[loseyourname]

Then like I said, it's you. You're a xxxxing xxxxx and you're not cut out for a relationship. Good luck being lonely and miserable. Of course, you'll always have us.

[felizitation]

Originally posted by loseyourname Then like I said, it's you. You're a xxxxing xxxxx and you're not cut out for a relationship. Good luck being lonely and miserable. Of course, you'll always have us.

I'll never talk about my'fake'self again.