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An Honest Situation

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  • #11
    You're in a relationship, yet you turned into an eggplant. I'd rather avoid that then.
    Achkerov kute.

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    • #12
      I was in a 'serious' relationship for almost 3 years and now that it's done and gone and behind me I can't bring myself to think about just one guy without wanting to grab a knapsack and head for the hills. I never thought I'd feel trapped or not into seriously dating only one guy but now when I find myself spending too much time with one all of a sudden it's like someone turned an off switch and I don't feel for him as much as I did before. I hate it!! I know it's some sort of defense against getting hurt again but it's terrible and it makes me feel terrible. On the one hand it's all ok because I'm only 21 and I am having a nice time and having fun, etc. On the other hand i've had a taste of what it's like to be in a committed relationship, it's wonderful, and I'd love to have that again but with my new flight syndrome it seems like a fleeting ideal...

      As for the whole get up and go but have someone to answer to thing, well I never really felt it was a chore to tell my boyfriend where I was going, etc. I was open and honest and wanted to tell him, not because it was a requirement. As well, he told me where he was going but if he was vague I never prodded. If you trust a person I don't think there is any need to make a blue-print of all your plans together and apart to have a play-by-play of exactly where and when you each will be. I think people who are lacking that important trust factor are more demanding to know all those details.
      Last edited by ckBejug; 04-09-2004, 11:47 PM.
      The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald

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      • #13
        We all have a fear of losing our freedom, not only in relationships. I mean, human beings always have a desire to be free to do whatever they want, whenever. This somehow conflicts with responsibility. I think that when you are in a relationship with someone, you are responsible for, not only yourself, but for the feelings of someone else. That's HUGE. I know when I was with my long term boyfriend, I had to let go of some of my freedoms (is that a word?). This thought seems VERY frightening to people, but I was glad to do it. I found myself not wanting to be with anyone else, other than him. Of course you have to make time for friends and family as well, but that's when the fun begins. You can include him into your circle, making it easier to have your cake and eat it too.
        Also, about going wherever you want, with whoever: This all stems from how confident you are and how much trust you have in your partner. With me, either I trust you, or I just don't. There's no middle ground in that area. So, as long as I know I'm confident about myself and I have trust in my partner, the thought of him going out with "other" girls wouldn't intimidate me. That's just bulltish! For example, every weekend my boyfriend wanted to do something with me. I found this "cute" at first, but then I began to feel like I was trapped. My friends were getting frustrated, my family was beginning to wonder why I wasn't spending as much time with them...so, I was getting really annoyed. Even though I LOVED spending time with him, I had a little talk with him and encouraged him to go out to clubs, bars, restaurants, etc..with his friends on some weekends, and then spend the rest with me. He loved the fact that I trusted him completely. That also gave me the opportunity to hang out with my friends, male and female...and just enjoy life without feeling like I was being trapped.
        Our relationship was SO perfect from that point on because every time I saw him, I missed him, which worked to our advantage because the love seems more passionate that way. We broke up because of "other" reasons, but this is what I want again. I don't want to take any man's freedom, nor do I want mine to be taken away. You can still have your alone time, while still enjoy being in love.
        Also, about what Anon said about girls and money. This applies to women who are younger, and don't really have money of their own. I know it's tough for a guy to maintain a girlfriend while going to school. But, there are so many things you and your partner can do without having to spend $$$. It's all about being creative and open to ideas. Also, I HATEEEE men who feel like wusses (wussi?) when a women wants to pay for the date. That's just CRAP! Every person has their own situation and I don't think there's anything wrong with a woman paying for things. I mean, if she has a good job, and a good head on her shoulders....WHY THE HELL NOT?

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        • #14
          I totally disagree with...well all of you almost.
          I've been in a LT relationship for 5yrs almost (with a short break) and I dont see it as a loss of freedom at all. He's my best friend and LOVE spending time with him. I never felt like I was giving anything up because all I could think about was spending time with him. There really wasn't anyplace else I'd rather be most of the time and when there was it wasnt a big deal. "I'm gonna hang out w/ blahblah sat night" "Ok, have fun". *shrug*

          There are some things that could be annoying like the other person feeling ibligated to give you their input on everything , but really...why do it? because they care. Family would do the same.

          My b/f freaked out upon realizing he was 20 and hadn't been with anyone else and broke up with me. When he started trying to date other women, it took him about a month or two to realize that he wasn't happy. He said he found himself thinking about me all day and even when he was with someone else. So, we got back together and things have never been better.

          We see each other everyday. I hang out with his friends, he hangs out with mine. (huge plus, being able to hang out with each others friends). I play poker with all his guy friends even. I've told him on occasion, to go wherever without me if I wasn't in the mood or if I wanted to give him an out in case he wanted to go alone and he wouldn't go, insisting that he wanted me to come.

          The point being... When you find "that person" it's hard NOT to be with them in some form or another. Be it on the phone or in person.
          So, those of you that felt that it was a chore or that it limited your freedom, must not have found that.

          This isn't to say that you never get annoyed with them... because that happens for sure, but a day or night later, it's forgotten.

          Anyway, that's my 2cents
          [COLOR=#4b0082][B][SIZE=4][FONT=trebuchet ms]“If you think you can, or you can’t, you’re right.”
          -Henry Ford[/FONT][/SIZE][/B][/COLOR]

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          • #15
            I have never been in a long term relationship yet, and oftentimes, I find myself thinking and feeling the same way as most of the guys on this thread - as in, I feel that a relationship would require me to lose so much of my freedom that I have grown accustomed to throughout the years. This fear is ridiculous though. I mean, why would two people, who care for each other, want to make the other feel as though they are in a jail cell as opposed to a loving relationship? What irks me even more is when I see how most Armenian guys treat their girlfriends - that stupid retarded mentality of men being somehow higher than women. They figure that they can do anything, go out with anyone, do this and that, but when their girlfriend wants to go out with some friends, some of which are of the male gender, they have a sh!t attack and refuse to let her go. What the hell!? Do these people not know what trust is? Are they really that insecure? If so, they shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place.

            To put it simply, a good relationship is all about trust and compromise. You shouldn't expect to have the freedom to do some things if you can't see yourself being ok with your partner doing those same things. Two people that care for each other should not have issues with dishonesty and lack of trust. When a relationship becomes a chore, that's the red flag to break it off.

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            • #16
              The feeling of being in a relationship has become so foreign to me that I can't even think of it in terms of losing freedom. I'd still look at girls freely if I had a g/f. Is this really that bad?

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              • #17
                God gave you eyes to look. Why can't you look at other girls? LOL

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                • #18
                  Originally posted by violette829
                  God gave you eyes to look. Why can't you look at other girls? LOL
                  Because God also gave eyes to the girl you are with that now has the ability to stare you down such that your manhood shrivles up and turns inside out and your stomach rips to pieces inside you and your eyeballs boil and melt from fear.
                  this post = teh win.

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                  • #19
                    Originally posted by Seapahn
                    Because God also gave eyes to the girl you are with that now has the ability to stare you down such that your manhood shrivles up and turns inside out and your stomach rips to pieces inside you and your eyeballs boil and melt from fear.

                    That is HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God...I have to use it as my signature line..PLEASE!!

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                    • #20
                      LOL That's not true. I used to point out hot chicks that I thought would be perfect for a 3some to my boyfriend. He had fun like that!!! <!!~he looks like Mr. Miyagi!

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