I have a problem??

[ArmoBarbi]

No, dude. When I see pictures of people from LA like at parties or something... In Michigan thats just called flashy and tacky. We do wear make up, and we do have bebe stores lol its just the attitude - whats considered good looking there is not here. I dont understand how you guys dont see that. Honestly. My goal is not to insult anyone, Im discussing the phenomenon itself. Those same people who look at you guys on the streets there - would be laughed at here.

[Anonymouse]

Very predictable reply Mouse.

We have every right to express how we feel about the crap we are forced to endure among these Armenians, just like you have every right to xxxxx and whine about women and the problems they cause you men.

I'm not different. I'm different to them, because they choose to view me as different. And indeed, I do not enjoy their company and would never voluntarily subject myself to their treatment. Hence the reason why I live far, far away from those Armenians, and Armenians in general.

Like I said, if you're treated a certain way long enough, no matter how confident and strong you were before, you will eventually crack under the pressure. Result is either hiding yourself from society, being the society freak, adapting yourself, or moving somewhere where you can still walk out the door once in a while without anyone trying to break your confidence.

So yes, I do give a shyt. Unlike you, I don't lie to myself and try to make myself believe that I'm alone in this world and I care for no one. I may have wanted to believe that in my early 20s, but those times are gone. I care, I do care, and will probably care forever as long as I am a member of any society. Sadly. But such is life. It's influential, and very much so.

In case you didn't realize I'm not blaming you for being 'different'. I'm blaming you for actually giving a crap what people think.

And dear, when did I say that I don't care for anyone or that I'm somehow "alone" in this world". I do however not give a crap what others will say of me. That is the difference between you and I.

[nairi]

Bruin, of course there are judgemental people here too (aren't we all to some extent?); I just choose not to go to those places where I don't feel comfortable. Glendale/LA (among Armenians) in general is one of those places. Most of the time in Glendale I feel worthless because that is how I am made to feel. Someone in Glendale once said to me: "Oh, don't worry. I guess some guys like the natural look." I didn't even say anything to deserve this response. I merely showed my face. In other words, it's all about looks. I asked my cousin who lives here: "Would you mind me wearing a jogging suit to your wedding?". She said: "Yes, I would actually." And this after we were discussing how I hate dressing up and feeling forced to dress a certain way when I don't feel comfortable in it. Her response to that was: "Why do you feel like that? (re: Mouse) Why do you care what people think?". Then I asked her the question, and indeed SHE cares and forces it on me to care too. I have no choice. All of society is like that, esp. when you go out looking for a decent job or want to get help in a shop. You're forced to be "groomed" a certain way or they won't even let you inside their building!

So it's easy to be careless in your head, but reality is a lot tougher than that. And as for LA, it's a well-known fact that a great part of middle-class LA and above cares only about looks and image. If you've got the wrong car, you're dissed. If you wear the same pair of shoes twice in a row, you're dissed. And it doesn't even matter what "subculture" you belong to. Even if you try to be a hippy, you can't dress like you just came back from Rodeo Drive and still pass for a hippy. It's all about belonging and pressure to belong. And what bothers me about LA especially is the extreme that this takes. Hence the reason why I don't live there, and wouldn't want to live there, unless I was far away from the middle-class and Armenian communities there.

[nairi]

I do however not give a crap what others will say of me. That is the difference between you and I.

You're only lying to yourself. Of course you give a crap. We all do. Unless you're a robot with no emotions.

[Anonymouse]

You're only lying to yourself. Of course you give a crap. We all do. Unless you're a robot with no emotions.

No, not really, but why do you believe you have psychic powers now?

[nairi]

I know you're lying. I don't need psychic powers for that.

[Siamanto]

Reading the above, I couldn't help myself noticing the fact that we - Armenians, like the French - have a tendency to disagree: a different Armenian, a different opinion. What an intellectual wealth!
The French managed to create a beautiful Culture - of course, some may disagree - not despite their divisions, but thanks to their diversity.
What puzzles me most is:
"If Armenians are so oppressive, how such a diversity can be a reality?"
Also, is there any correlation between the diversity and the urgency that some feel to preserve traditions and some kind of uniformity?
Of course, I'm not denying the fact that "gossip" can poison and destroy a person's life; I'm only saying that every society is oppressive in one way or another.

It is true that Anglo-Saxons and Northern Europeans are often depicted as "cool" and "tolerant:" I wonder since when indifference is a form of tolerance?
My experience suggests that the "tolerance" of the Anglo-Saxon/Northern European can be more judgmental and oppressive than the exaggerated and honestly emotional outbursts of the Mediterranean, the Italian and the French.
Different cultures express themselves in different ways! Personally, I prefer honesty!

It's very likely that we've all heard - over and over - the expression "shnorkov" describing "clothing habits" - "habitudes vestimentaires" in French. Armenians do not necessarily consider clothing as a mere fashion statement: it reflects the person's "shnork" i.e. the person's grace, the person's gratitude towards others.
It may seem shallow, but I chose carefully what wraps my body. I enjoy it and it reflects who I am; but, I also consider it as a respect to others. Of course, there are many other ways of expressing respect and gratitude!
Besides vitamin E and B, my body needs its daily dose of "eye vitamin" - i.e. what pleases the eye - or shall I say "I vitamin!"

For the record:
I don't think that the clothing makes the style or the "grace," it's how one wears them. Some women look very stylish, feminine and sensual with a grungy and/or "natural" look!
I appreciate skin care, but I think that many women hurt their skin - and natural beauty - with excessive make up. What a shame!

[Anonymouse]

I know you're lying. I don't need psychic powers for that.

I beg to differ. You and I are not alike. Example. You wrote about wanting to go to a wedding in a jogging suit. If you have to wonder why people judge you based on that, then you seriously don't see your own shortcomings. I'm telling you as a public service. Be who you are, don't give a crap, but you need to understand something. When you go to someones wedding, or any event, itsout of respect for that person and the least you could do is at least dress for the appropriate event. If you don't give a crap for thatperson, or their wedding, then don't bother and don't complain when they "judge you". You want to know what is more annoying than judgemental people? People who constantly whine about judgemental people. Get over it.

[nairi]

Out of respect? What about my respect? I respect them enough to want to show up at their wedding, but apparently they don't respect me enough to allow me to wear whatever I want!

As for judgemental people, didn't I already say: aren't we all to some extent?

Siamanto, I don't mean indifferent. I mean simply not judging a book by its cover. Or even if you THINK it, not say it out loud in front of the person as if that person can't hear you, but obviously can, nasty things behind their backs, like "What a shame", when I'm just standing alone on the street (daytime!!) waiting for someone, or "What a pity for an Armenian girl" when I'm not wearing high heels, loads of make-up, an expensive dress or a coat that suits their taste. Come on now! Let me teach you some manners: it's rude to stare and comment! I was taught that as a VERY young child. Apparently these Armenians didn't. Now that's what I call a shame.

[Anonymouse]

Out of respect? What about my respect? I respect them enough to want to show up at their wedding, but apparently they don't respect me enough to allow me to wear whatever I want!

As for judgemental people, didn't I already say: aren't we all to some extent?

If you respect them by going to their wedding you would at least respect them enough to go by their standards, just like when you go to someones house you respect their rules. It seems its all about yourself, and not about others. If you know they will "judge" you for wearing a jogging suit to their wedding, then you shouldn't have asked them in the first place. Thats your own problem. And yes, everyone is judgemental just like everyone discriminates, its part of what we call human action.