Discussions!

[spiral]

Lately this board seems to be lacking discussions. We used to have them before....

So let's start getting some discussions going, as it is good argumentative exercise....



I was listening to Tom Leykis today, who by the way is an ass of a ‘man’.

Discussion started off about American women, wasting money, and not being able to save, and went off to being about women who want a family and kids, should not ‘waste’ their time on an education nor building a career. And that if building a family is a goal of theirs, than this should be the only goal, and concentration, since it is a full time job itself. Having / building a career and education, should not be in their plans, as it will prove to be a 'waste of time’ in the future.

Anyways,

Let’s hear your opinions on this. Do you think it’s possible for a woman to be able to do both, fairly well? Or is their need for a strict decision/distinction to be made?

How do you plan on managing both in your future?

Tom also referred to a woman’s husband as a “xxxxx” for agreeing to put his career as an attorney on hold, and be a stay-at-home dad, while his wife, who is in law school, can then practice law.

..So what do you guys think about switching roles, and the husband staying home and raising the kids?

[thedebutante]

i'm gonna work. my husband is going to work. we are both going to take care of the kids, if we decide to have them. any guy who has a problem with that is not going to be my husband.


what I'm trying to say is that all of this depends. some women want to stay home (so do some men). others want to work. you just have to find someone whose ideas complement yours.

[Stark Evade]

Tom Leykis is an idiot and he's a visually unpleasant queef.

[Crissy]

I think it all depends on the individuals. I agree with Debutante, you can manage both your career and family as long as there is a mutual understanding between the couple.

Who is Tom Leykis? He seems to have no idea of what he is talking about.

[TomServo]

He's on Talk Radio here in L.A. The Tom Leykis Show.

[omniscient]

i'm gonna work. my husband is going to work. we are both going to take care of the kids, if we decide to have them. any guy who has a problem with that is not going to be my husband.

Nothing against you, but I hate girls with that mentality in bold above And this is all depending on having kids and still working. But if you take the raising kids part out then the statement in bold you made is fine I guess.

[omniscient]

Let me put it this way, I'm not going to get into all the questions Spiral is asking but the main point is that when you have kids, the first several years when your child is growing up there is no way both the husband and wife are going to work. Any girl that thinks about working during those years is a waste of human life and I don't see how any clear headed guy would want to be with them. And if you tell me you can always put them in a nursery or a day care while you work well then I feel sorry for anyone that says that. The first few years of your childs life is the most important and I think it is so underrated. Those are the years that are the most important in how they develop personality wise, emotionally, socially, and so on. I think being a house wife during those years is the most crucial thing. And I'm not saying the roles can't be reversed but I personally wouldn't and most guys wouldn't either and I can elaborate fully on that if anyone wants me to.

And last but not least, let me just say this was just during the having a child and raising him right years. I actually would want and encourage my wife to work before the kid and after when he is fully grown and raised well. Because I tell you, in my opinion after that if your wife is staying home then she becomes one of those wives that goes coffee bouncing from home to home doing nothing productive and that is just the first stage, it gets worse from there and stage 2 and 3 which I won't say right now because this post will be much longer than it already is, is where they slowly start losing their minds and going into depression. You have so many of those typical depressed and on meds wives out there now all because they have no life and they are at home all the time with nothing to do so obviously the mind goes crazy. So yes I would want my wife to work but not during the particular years I mentioned.

[Siggie]

I don't think it's a waste of time to work on an education and career if you want to have a family. It is possible to do both.
I don't know about not being home for the first couple years and what effect that has and I'm not in the mood at the moment to look it up. But, I do know that in general there isn't really much evidence to suggest that day care has any sort of negative effect on children compared to being at home with mom. If anything the kids develop those very important social skills. You'd still be interacting with the child at home and on weekends... they aren't going to forget who you are.
Personally, this is less of an issue because if I decide to have a child I'd have an easier career to juggle that with. If necessary I can be on sabbatical the first year, get half my salary, and not lose my position. After that, I can have enough flexibility in my schedule to be around as much as possible.

My good friend had both her boys while in school and they are two of the smarted kids I've ever seen. One started reading at 4 1/2 or 5 and the other (7) is a little professor. Since he was much younger and even now I think, he loves to look at his mom's "brain books" and can listen to a lecture she gives (in her class) and not only sit still and be quiet, but retell parts of the lecture, especially examples and stories, back to you perfectly even hours later.
I didn't know her when they were very young (under 2), but after that they were in school. She very carefully picked a program to put them in where they learned at that critical age and that definitely helped them, along with her and her hubbie's amazing parenting. Their kids are incredibly well adjusted, smart, well-behaved, and polite. I don't mind going anywhere with or watching them. They can sit through movies, dinner, or whatever quietly, they say excuse me if they interrupt a conversation, etc. and they're happy kids. They weren't beaten and threatened to get them to behave this way.
The parenting in general is probably more important than whether you're at home with them or you put them in daycare.

Sorry, I rambled.

[ArmoBarbi]

First off, of course it's possible to do both. People do it every day. How can anyone argue otherwise?

And as for the education being a waste of time, studies show that a child learns much more from the parent which stays home as opposed to the one that works outside of the home (duh), so I guess Tom can make such arguments because whoever stayed home with him wasnt too bright? (just ripping on him here) One could argue that its actually more benefitial for the future stay at home mom to have a good education even if it means she has children a few years later.

Personally, I wouldn't mind getting married and starting a family once I finish my BA and going to grad school once my children are old enough (once the youngest has built a secure attachment and can start staying regularly with other people while Im in class). I think my undergrad education will be enough while my children are young. It would be better for my career to start work fresh out of grad school, and it would be better for my children to have my undevided attention and care while they are toddlers, and Ill still be relatively young anyway. This is the perfect solution for me.

[ddd]

I remember reading an article a while back about this subject. The conclusion was that children who are raised in a nursery home are often smarter, do better in school, but are more distant from their family, and tend to have weaker values.