WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

[Mizzike]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

What do you call nuts on the wall?

Walnuts.

What do you call nuts on your chest?

Chestnuts.

What do you call nuts on your chin?

D*** in your mouth.

XD

[MrHyeSev]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Fun With Elements

In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny.

Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"

[MrHyeSev]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Office:

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."

The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."

[MrHyeSev]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Airplane:

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

[MrHyeSev]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

I'll edit this down because I don't like posting bad words.

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A guy takes his wife to the doctor because she's been feeling strange.

After examining the wife for quite a while, the doctor tells the husband, "Well, it's either Alzheimers or AIDS."

"What do you mean?" The husband says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what, drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't have sex with her."

LOL One- Way

[One-Way]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

I don't know why but this is hilarious.

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Hal is petrified of girls, so he asks his friend Lenny how he meets so many nice chicks.

Lenny says, "I have a surefire method to feel them out. I go up behind a girl and whisper, 'Tickle your ass with a feather?' And when she turns around and asks what I said, I say, 'Typical nasty weather.' If she smiles or laughs, I know she has a sense of humor, we chat, and it all happens naturally. Try it."

The next night, nervous but desperate, Hal goes to a very crowded bar, and sits in the corner, stewing, nursing a drink, getting more uptight every second. Finally, he walks up behind the nicest girl in the place, and after a few minutes of stammering, blurts out so everybody can hear, "Stick my finger in your ass?"

She turns around and says, "WHAT!?"

He says, "It's freaking pouring outside."

[One-Way]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

I'll edit this down because I don't like posting bad words.

---------------

A guy takes his wife to the doctor because she's been feeling strange.

After examining the wife for quite a while, the doctor tells the husband, "Well, it's either Alzheimers or AIDS."

"What do you mean?" The husband says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what, drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't have sex with her."

[MrHyeSev]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

this was rly stupid.
BOOOOO
I WAS LOOKING FOR SOME AWESOME SICK NASTY JOKES AND THESE WERE RETARDED.

Sorry to have dissapointed you.

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

this was rly stupid.
BOOOOO
I WAS LOOKING FOR SOME AWESOME SICK NASTY JOKES AND THESE WERE RETARDED.

[MrHyeSev]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

30th Birthday:

It was my 30th birthday and I wasn't feeling too great when I woke up that morning.

I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday" and probably have a present for me.

She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone "Happy Birthday."

I figured, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember." The children came down to breakfast and didn't say a word.

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday."

I felt a little better - at least someone had remembered.

I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it is such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "That's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go.

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it is such a beautiful day, we don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment, she smiled at me and said, "If you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."

Mad at my wife for forgetting about my birthday, not to mention that Janet was quite beautiful, I felt justified in staying. "Sure," I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a few minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends.

They were all singing Happy Birthday... and there I sat on the couch... naked.