Post the Funniest Jokes You Know

[Anonymouse]

Q:What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
A:Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson likes to have sex with little kids.

So this seal walks into a club, right? And after a few drinks it gets picked up and raped by Greenpeace activists in some shady backalley


A man goes to the doctor for a few tests to determine why he's been feeling so bad lately. The doctor returns with the test results looking rather grim.

"Mr. Johnson," he says, "I have bad news and I have worse news. Which do you want first?"
"The worse news," he replied.
"You have cancer."
"Jesus Christ! What's the bad news?"
"You also have Alzheimer's disease."
Mr. Johnson looked puzzled for a minute, then smiled with relief. "Well, at least I don't have cancer."

[Anonymouse]

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shyt.
The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have a problem with shyt sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit says "No".
So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

[HeArTsDeSiRe]

blonde jokes...

1. Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
(It took her a month to realize she could play it in the afternoon.)

2. How did the blonde die drinking milk? (The cow stepped on her.)

3. Why do blondes have more fun? (They're easier to amuse! .)

4. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? (Frosted flakes.)>

5. Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow into the air?
(She missed.)

6. What is it when a blonde blows into another blonde's ear?
(Data transfer.)

7. Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
(Because she read that one child out of every four born was Chinese)

8. Why did the blonde put make-up on her forehead?
(She wanted everyone to know that she was able to make up her mind.)

9. Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs? (She needed them for the darkroom she was building.)

10. Why are Asians so smart? (No blondes.)

A group of blondes in a class at Texas A&M University were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they went out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they fell off the ladders, dropped the tape measures and pencils -- the whole thing was just a
mess.
An engineering student comes along and sees what they're trying to do. He walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, and then gives the measurement to one of the blondes and walks away. After the engineer had gone, one blonde turned to another and laughed: "Isn't that just like a dumb engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!"

[EYYBABA23]

Here, you guys need something funny and entertaining, check this parrot out!

http://www.jokaroo.com/ecards/funny/smartbird.html

[HeArTsDeSiRe]

A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. "Mom, look,

I'm a white boy." His mom slaps him in the face and says "Go show your father".

He goes to his dad in the living room and says "Look dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says "Go show your grandmother."

The boy goes in his grandmothers room and says "Mira,
abuelita, I'm a white boy " His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.

His mother says "See. Did you learn anything from that?"

To which the boy replies, "Sure did. I have only been white for five minutes and I already hate you Mexicans."

[CatWoman]

Man of the House

The husband had just finished reading the book, MAN OF THE HOUSE. He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessertafterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"



...His wife replied, "The funeral director"?

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Have you heard about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
Her husband is out looking for the other man.

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Q: What did the bananna say to the vibrator?????


A: What are you shakin for she is gunna eat me .....!
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Dearly Departed

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband

[ArmenianKid]

how do you get a nun pregant?

dress her up as a altar boy.

[Anonymouse]

So Jesus and Saint Peter. Wait. No. O.K. God and Saint Peter are sitting up in heaven talking. So God says. “You know, it’s been a long time since I’ve taken a vacation.” Saint Peter thinks about it and says. “Yea, at least a few thousand years or so. So where ya wanna go?” God Thinks about it for a few seconds and says. “I dunno. Got any suggestions?” Well Saint Peter thinks about it a bit and says. “How about Pluto? You could relax, take in some skiing.” “No no no.” God says. “Too cold.” Saint Peter thinks about it some more and says. “How about Mars? You could go rock climbing, take in a show.” “Nah, I don’t think so.” God says. Now this time Saint Peter thinks long and hard and finally says. “Hey, how about Earth? You haven’t been there in ages.” “Not a chance.” God says. “Last time I went there I knocked up this Jewish bytch and started all kinds of trouble.”

[ArmenianKid]

a preist was nervous before his first time on the altar and he went to the head of the church what he did his first time. the father said "well i just keep a glas of vodka nearby and take a sip when i get nervous"

so the preist did this and felt very good about himself but has he was walking in his office the next day a letter was pinned to his door it said:

sip the vodka, dont gulp
its the father the son and the holy ghost, not jr, daddy and the spook.
jesus offered a glass of wine as his blood, he did not break bread and say "eat me".
david knocked joseph off his donkey, he did not get stoned off is ass.

[MrBelding]

ummm ok lol i dont know any jokes