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Should I let him know that I'm not intend on having sex so early?

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  • #1

    Should I let him know that I'm not intend on having sex so early?

    Hi all!

    This is my first post on this forum and it's nice to meet you!
    I would like to hear men's opinion on this question however women are also welcome to answer
    I was contacted by this Armenian guy via email (through on line dating) I'm also Armenian. We have exchanged a few emails. A few days ago I was online so we chatted about general staff. Yesterday we had quite a long chat. He started to ask some personal/intimate questions (Not in a bad way) I answered and questioned him back. I guess he didn't feel comfortable to answer and said he will tell me later when we meet. I apologized and said that I studied biology and can speak about many things very openly so he has to be careful! (meaning that he has to be careful about his questions as I might question him back even more in detail) Of course I was joking

    Anyway, all of a sudden he asked
    You don't like if a man comes very fast, do you? (premature ejaculation) i didn't expect him to ask such question so early and gave a general answer saying that it is a known fact that women don't like it however many man experience this problem. He followed with a question if I would be angry with him if it happens the first time. Again I gave a general answer saying that No, I wouldn't and it is likely to happen first time as man can be nervous or anxious and there is nothing to be angry about that. I guess he appreciated my answer, thanked me and said that I'm very sweet.

    The point is that though I'm in my mid 20s I have never had sex before because I didn't meet someone that I had feelings and felt that he was the right person for me.

    So, my question is did I make a mistake by not letting him know that I didn't have sex before?
    We chatted about other things and I don't think sex is the only thing he had in his mind. He asked if he could visit me? I said he could.
    Then he mentioned that he wants to come next weekend for 2 days as he wants to spend more time with me. We said good bye on this and decided to arrange the time next time we chat.
    So, another concern I have is that I don't know him very well and I am not sure if I will feel comfortable to spend 2 full days with him. Of course I can tell him that but he is coming from another country (we are in Europe)...

    and the most important question

    Do you think he is expecting to have sex? (I just have a gut feeling that he is expecting but I might be getting wrong) I don't intend on having sex with him so early even If I like him a lot. Later on if I had fillings and would feel he is the right man for me than it would be fine for me. Of course I know how to behave me and keep under control but I want everything between us to be clear. So, if he is coming, having in his mind to have sex then I would like to let him know that no sex can be involved during our first meeting. Do you think I have to tell him next time we chat or I would sound paranoid ?

    Thanks in advance!
    Last edited by midsummer; 01-18-2009, 09:05 AM.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Should I let him know that I'm not intend on having sex so early?

    Yup sounds like he is looking for sex. If he was more serious, he would start with a short meeting (even if he is traveling far) and/or a date first. Like he would say I am planning to come visit and it would be great if we could go out ... saying something like I am coming over to spend 2 days with you just sounds very fishy to me.

    If you don't mind the advice, I think it is a BAD idea to spend 2 days right away with someone you don't even know. Either spend a lot of time chatting before that and get to know each other very well (you must talk on the phone too), or just don't do it. It might be ok after talking a long time but this, what he wants to do, just is obviously not the kind of thing you want from what I am understanding.

    Since you live in separate countries, take it slow. Keep chatting, maybe talk on the phone, try web cam. If you must meet soon, pick a public place or some event to meet. Don't invite him to your house right away ... find out where he is going to stay for the two days and what kinds of activities he might have in mind.

    Although it is great you can talk openly about things, you probably shouldn't tell him everything right away. It should be more like a sharing thing. Give him a piece of info for some info in return. He may be a great guy but don't assume he is so.
    Last edited by Sip; 01-17-2009, 11:52 AM.
    this post = teh win.

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    • #3
      Re: Should I let him know that I'm not intend on having sex so early?

      Sounds like spam to me.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Should I let him know that I'm not intend on having sex so early?

        Originally posted by Sip View Post
        Yup sounds like he is looking for sex. If he was more serious, he would start with a short meeting (even if he is traveling far) and/or a date first. Like he would say I am planning to come visit and it would be great if we could go out ... saying something like I am coming over to spend 2 days with you just sounds very fishy to me.

        If you don't mind the advice, I think it is a BAD idea to spend 2 days right away with someone you don't even know. Either spend a lot of time chatting before that and get to know each other very well (you must talk on the phone too), or just don't do it. It might be ok after talking a long time but this, what he wants to do, just is obviously not the kind of thing you want from what I am understanding.

        Since you live in separate countries, take it slow. Keep chatting, maybe talk on the phone, try web cam. If you must meet soon, pick a public place or some event to meet. Don't invite him to your house right away ... find out where he is going to stay for the two days and what kinds of activities he might have in mind.

        Although it is great you can talk openly about things, you probably shouldn't tell him everything right away. It should be more like a sharing thing. Give him a piece of info for some info in return. He may be a great guy but don't assume he is so.
        Dear Sip,

        Many thanks for providing an insight. I will follow your advise and will try to communicate with him more this coming week. I don't want to invite him to my house even if he turns out to be a nice guy.
        The other thing that puzzles me is why he is rushing? I always wanted to visit the city where he lives. He invited me to visit him but I said I would like to come when it is little bit warmer. He said that he doesn't want to wait so long and asked if he could come next week. He also mentioned that he is planning to get married as soon as he is done with his PhD. As I'm about to finish my PhD he asked what plans I have for marriage. I told him that first I have to find a nice man, get to know, date, fall in love and then only I can marry him. He said that he shares my opinion.

        So, my question is if he is looking for sex why not to do it in his city where he can have it constantly? (Of course I can't exclude that he is not doing this )
        The only thing that I can think of as to why he is rushing and wants to stay longer is to to see if we would like each other and get along, have sex to see if we would be compatible. (If not to move on)

        So, if this is the case I would rather say him good bye now than meet him. I hate when guys try hugging and kissing right away and I have to tell them not to do it over and over. Don't want to spend even 10 min with this kind of guys let alone 2 days

        Anyways, thanks for your help and listening.

        P.S. One-Way it's not a spam
        Last edited by midsummer; 01-17-2009, 01:45 PM.

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        • #5
          Re: Should I let him know that I'm not intend on having sex so early?

          Fair enough.

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          • #6
            Re: Should I let him know that I'm not intend on having sex so early?

            You need to tell him how you feel right away so he wont have any hopes of doing what his planning to do.
            Positive vibes, positive taught

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            • #7
              Re: Should I let him know that I'm not intend on having sex so early?

              He's checking you out, thats why he asked those questions. He wanted to see your reaction.. The guy now probably thinks he's gonna have sex when he meets you.

              If you're a virgin then please stay like that! Just tell the guy that sex is out off the question when you two will be meeting. tell him, MAYBE you would kiss, but even that is no guarantee. if he says: "no problem" then dont worry.

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              • #8
                Re: Should I let him know that I'm not intend on having sex so early?

                Originally posted by AR MENIA View Post
                He's checking you out, thats why he asked those questions. He wanted to see your reaction.. The guy now probably thinks he's gonna have sex when he meets you.

                If you're a virgin then please stay like that! Just tell the guy that sex is out off the question when you two will be meeting. tell him, MAYBE you would kiss, but even that is no guarantee. if he says: "no problem" then dont worry.

                I guess I gave him wrong signals by reacting normal on his questions and giving general answers which meant to him that I gave him the green light But on the other hand I think if a guy asks questions like that I have to be able/free to express my opinion.

                I don't want to be judgmental or make premature conclusions without seeing him but I think what I've got to do with a guy who uses such strategy to find a girlfriend/partner?

                I have no desire to meet him anymore. Not that I think he is a bad person but that he is not the one I'm looking for.

                Thanks again for your advises!
                Last edited by midsummer; 01-19-2009, 12:27 PM.

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                • #9
                  Re: Should I let him know that I'm not intend on having sex so early?

                  Slowly cut him off dont just do it all @ once.
                  Good Luck!
                  Positive vibes, positive taught

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Should I let him know that I'm not intend on having sex so early?

                    Originally posted by PepsiAddict View Post
                    Slowly cut him off dont just do it all @ once.
                    Good Luck!
                    Such wisdom.
                    Achkerov kute.

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