Domestic Abuse

[jgk3]

Re: Domestic Abuse

Layoff the jew bashing guys, you can't just derail a whole thread because of negative feelings towards the stereptype.

I cleaned up the posts. Message me through pm if you have any comments.

[Siggie]

Re: Domestic Abuse

oh please. In marriage women must submit to husband, not like in western world where they are equal and all marriages end in divorce and women marry 3, 4 times, that is disgusting. The husband has to keep in line his women and take good care of her.

Wow... keep her in line huh? And who keeps the husband in line? You're assuming that the husband always makes the right decision, but if he doesn't, then blindly following or submitting as you put it, isn't harmless is it?

Western or not, is it not better to have a partner than a servant?

[Anoush]

Re: Domestic Abuse

Wow... keep her in line huh? And who keeps the husband in line? You're assuming that the husband always makes the right decision, but if he doesn't, then blindly following or submitting as you put it, isn't harmless is it?

Western or not, is it not better to have a partner than a servant?

Agreed! What if a husband is a constant womanizer, a drunken and a wife beater for no good reasons. How in the world a sane and a respectful woman becomes subservient to such an abusive man.

I believe that both a woman and a husband must be partners in a marriage, each knowing and staying in their respective roles. A husband to be a good provider and work with his wife on domestic affairs, communicating with his wife and be a good role model for his children. If and when a wife is also working, does her chores and be a good and a loving mother to the children. And if the husband also helps her with her chores at home it would be nice. But when a husband and wife respect and maintain their roles in a marriage; also respect and love each other and be good communicators then I think the marriage could be successful. And if one of them goes off track then they should work the problems together to solve it, whether they are big ones or small ones. And if they cannot solve it then to get outside professional help. But a husband and a wife must keep the communications open at all times and regard each other as lifemate partners, that derives respect and love at all times.

I also agree with you Siggie that a wife is not a servant but a respected member of the family. However she must be a good mother to the children and a wife who respects her husband and vice versa of course.

[Anoush]

Re: Domestic Abuse

I must add this for the wife; when a husband is upset from the outside world or his work and tells off his wife; in my humble belief and this because I think like an Armenian woman and not like a spoiled westerner woman, I believe a woman should keep her quiet and see that her husband has quieted down and then see lovingly what was wrong that sets him off that way, or most of the time say nothing and it all should be forgotten. There is no sense of yelling back or telling him off for every little or small outbirst from him. After all, I still maintain that a wife can be a calming source to her man, especially when he is hurt by being an understanding and a loving wife. After all, Armenian women for years have mostly been understanding girls. It's much better than escalating arguments by making them a full fledged big fights. A little understanding goes a long way. It would be precious if also a man does the same, but in my view a woman should be the one that pulls and keeps the family together.

[LadySilver]

Re: Domestic Abuse

oh please. In marriage women must submit to husband, not like in western world where they are equal and all marriages end in divorce and women marry 3, 4 times, that is disgusting. The husband has to keep in line his women and take good care of her.

Are you saying he can only take good care of her when she's in line? >>

[Siggie]

Re: Domestic Abuse

Are you saying he can only take good care of her when she's in line? >>

I think he means that beating her is a way to keep her in line and is caring for her.

[Crimson Glow]

Re: Domestic Abuse

The reality is some of these people live very isolated lives and even if they have family, they usually aren't around. But sure, if close family knows it's going on and they are in a position to intervene, by all means... the guy needs a sh!t kicking, lol. The problem with the law is, they'd just give him a slap on the wrist which would make him even more angry and vindictive.

That pretty much hit the nail on the head. At least I know that's why I was afraid to turn in my dad for the longest time. All you'd hear about on TV was so and so getting arrested for physical abuse, getting out of jail, and slaughtering his wife, or wife and children. Doesn't exactly instill faith in the justice system in this country. I also believe that's why my dad left us stranded in no man's/WASP land, while our 4 million relatives all moved to California. That way, there was no support system, and we were dependent on him.

However, I think that woman refusing to leave due to fear of a lack of support is only a small part of the reason. That doesn't explain why so many women seem to seek out abusive men. These men are usually this way before the relationship is anywhere near serious enough to discuss marriage. So why don't they break up with these men at THAT point? What propels them towards this abuse? My mom was the same way. In spite of everything she had gone through (got her teeth knocked out, a tape recorder broken over her head, her clothes cut up, water dumped on her while she slept, giving her entire paycheck to my dad, never being allowed out of the house for anything other than work, etc), yev vijake vor tskets eren, she STILL.....to this day.......talks about how she wishes we were still all under one roof. STILL she misses him. That's not love. There's something deeper going on there psychologically.

My mom would often tell me she thought he'd change after they got married. That didn't happen. Well....he'll change after a child is born. That didn't happen. And still, almost 40 years later, she sits there......no longer able to walk due to several health issues (that he contributed to), unable to afford to go anywhere, or do anything, and she waits. She waits for him to change while he goes about his life, not giving a second thought to her. She waits as she clings to some fake, imaginary image she has in her head of how our family used to be.

I really do believe that there is a "victim complex" as I've dubbed it built into many women. There almost is an addiction to the abuse, or a need to be in a horrible relationship. Something to complain to their girlfriends about, and have people feel sorry for them over. Or maybe there are deeper psychological issues as to why they're attracted to the abuse.

"And it's so wrong, that I need you.
It's so wrong that I need abuse.
And it's so wrong, that I need you.
So wrong that I'm scared I'll die alone!"

-Stabbing Westward, "So Wrong"

oh please. In marriage women must submit to husband, not like in western world where they are equal and all marriages end in divorce and women marry 3, 4 times, that is disgusting. The husband has to keep in line his women and take good care of her.

Oh yeah, Mos? For the longest time, my life's goal was to find a way to kill my dad, and get away with it for his method of "keeping us in line". Would you like your children growing up planning on killing you, Mos? BTW, marriages ending in divorce in the West has nothing to do with men and women being equal. It is because marriage is taken as a joke in this country. It's as serious as dating. In fact, it has BECOME the new dating in America. Instead of going out with each other for a few years, seeing if you're compatible, and breaking up if you're not, they now get married right away, see if they're compatible, and divorce if they're not. Most of these relationships are absolutely horrible to begin with, and rather than ending it, they instead get MARRIED. I have witnessed this many times with personal friends, as well as acquaintances. THAT is why the divorce rate is so high in this country.

What you're describing is the Armenian equivalent to trailer park white trash, and what you're doing is making excuses for the way they are so as to make it possible for worthless losers like that to still get women. Try to evolve past Neanderthal mentality.

[Anoush]

Re: Domestic Abuse

I am very sorry Glow for what you have expressed above; but I think that your poor mother to this day feels that she somehow failed by not being able to make things better in her marriage and pulling the family together; even though it sounds to me that your dad's actions was mostly and entirely his responsibility and not your mother's whatsoever.

I am not a psychologist; but is it possible that both your mother and other women in her predicament have been that way because they had similar experiences with their own father who were themselves abusive towards their own mother? Because usually little girls grow up to love and marry men who were in similarity to their own fathers. Not in every case but in a good enough cases.

[LadySilver]

Re: Domestic Abuse

I am very sorry Glow for what you have expressed above; but I think that your poor mother to this day feels that she somehow failed by not being able to make things better in her marriage and pulling the family together; even though it sounds to me that your dad's actions was mostly and entirely his responsibility and not your mother's whatsoever.

I am not a psychologist; but is it possible that both your mother and other women in her predicament have been that way because they had similar experiences with their own father who were themselves abusive towards their own mother? Because usually little girls grow up to love and marry men who were in similarity to their own fathers. Not in every case but in a good enough cases.

My mother was abused and I was forced to watch. I can't fathom being around anyone of that nature nor the idea that I will someday willingly allow myself to love someone who abuses me after what I've been through.

[LadySilver]

Re: Domestic Abuse

I think he means that beating her is a way to keep her in line and is caring for her.

Oh yes....that makes more sense.....<<<<<<<