Domestic Abuse

[Pedro Xaramillo]

Re: Domestic Abuse

I saw and experienced the same thing, from multiple family members, if a man raises a hand to his wife or abuses his child, he deserves his hands severed from his person

[Anoush]

Re: Domestic Abuse

My mother was abused and I was forced to watch. I can't fathom being around anyone of that nature nor the idea that I will someday willingly allow myself to love someone who abuses me after what I've been through.

I am very happy for you and I am glad for you that you were not abused yourself. I think it is mostly the abused children who can become abusive adults. Again not in all cases but psychologists say that in most cases.

[KanadaHye]

Re: Domestic Abuse

Wow... keep her in line huh? And who keeps the husband in line? You're assuming that the husband always makes the right decision, but if he doesn't, then blindly following or submitting as you put it, isn't harmless is it?

Western or not, is it not better to have a partner than a servant?

You're trying to make marriage a business just like everything else in America. A partner? Ok, let's take your viewpoint.

Does the president of a company always make the right decisions? Does your boss at work always make the right decisions? It's not about right or wrong, it's about structure. If a family is to run like a company... then the stucture should be president, vice president and the children are the slaves at the bottom. You can't have 2 presidents, it just won't work. I bet everyone blindly follows whatever they're told at work whether it's right or wrong. That's why the pyramid scheme works.

[KanadaHye]

Re: Domestic Abuse

BTW, marriages ending in divorce in the West has nothing to do with men and women being equal. It is because marriage is taken as a joke in this country. It's as serious as dating. In fact, it has BECOME the new dating in America. Instead of going out with each other for a few years, seeing if you're compatible, and breaking up if you're not, they now get married right away, see if they're compatible, and divorce if they're not. Most of these relationships are absolutely horrible to begin with, and rather than ending it, they instead get MARRIED. I have witnessed this many times with personal friends, as well as acquaintances. THAT is why the divorce rate is so high in this country.

What you're describing is the Armenian equivalent to trailer park white trash, and what you're doing is making excuses for the way they are so as to make it possible for worthless losers like that to still get women. Try to evolve past Neanderthal mentality.

I don't think anyone cares for compatibilty, or even plans on being married longer than a couple of years because their role models have become hollywood stars. They just need to be in a relationship with someone (anyone) so they can change their status on Facebook

[Pedro Xaramillo]

Re: Domestic Abuse

You're trying to make marriage a business just like everything else in America. A partner? Ok, let's take your viewpoint.

Does the president of a company always make the right decisions? Does your boss at work always make the right decisions? It's not about right or wrong, it's about structure. If a family is to run like a company... then the stucture should be president, vice president and the children are the slaves at the bottom. You can't have 2 presidents, it just won't work. I bet everyone blindly follows whatever they're told at work whether it's right or wrong. That's why the pyramid scheme works.

According to whom and when, do you really think that society has always worked the same, if so that' naivety, social orders change, do you really think Armenians were the exact same in social structure during Pagan times as under Christianity?

You say marriage isn't a business, well I can disagree following how the economy worked, it was back in the days of the early industrial revolution it was indeed important that things be this way with men having to work 16 hours at times to make ends meet (barely).

But seriously, don't you think your traditional form of marriage is an organized institution based on some religious veiling for organized economic performance and the continuing of the status quo.

Do I believe that marriage can work? Yes, but all partners, couples whatver must be equal, after all if you love someone you want what's best for them, you want to give them your all, it doesn't work jack xxxx if one does the giving the other the receiving.

[KanadaHye]

Re: Domestic Abuse

According to whom and when, do you really think that society has always worked the same, if so that' naivety, social orders change, do you really think Armenians were the exact same in social structure during Pagan times as under Christianity?

You say marriage isn't a business, well I can disagree following how the economy worked, it was back in the days of the early industrial revolution it was indeed important that things be this way with men having to work 16 hours at times to make ends meet (barely).

But seriously, don't you think your traditional form of marriage is an organized institution based on some religious veiling for organized economic performance and the continuing of the status quo.

Do I believe that marriage can work? Yes, but all partners, couples whatver must be equal, after all if you love someone you want what's best for them, you want to give them your all, it doesn't work jack xxxx if one does the giving the other the receiving.

Traditional form of marriage was based a lot on home economics. I'm not disagreeing that marriage has a huge role on the economy, in fact it is the driving force.

What I see today is a significant influence of business that is constantly being promoted surrounding the notion of "love". This whole B.S. about a diamond ring, huge wedding ceremony, honey moon, etc. that society has created as part of the norm and nobody even questions. Sure these notions have been a part of society for generations but never the way that they have been amplifed as of late. Starting a couple's life together in a huge mound of debt spells disaster to me.

Also, how can a marriage work if both in the couple have careers which requires 12-16 hours of work to make ends meet? Perhaps both travel extensively and hardly see each other. Sure that isn't what they envisioned when they were young, "in love" and ready to spend the rest of their lives together. Knowing that this is in your future why would you sign a contract that pretty much inks your own doom? Traditional marriages worked because there was structure and roles and the economies were local.

Also, a lot of domestic abuse issues have been tied to money, debt and the whole weight of the world being put on the shoulders of only one person in the marriage. So I totally agree that there needs to be equality in the giving and taking but what I see a lot today is "his car", "her car", "his money", "her money", "his job", "her job".... the "our" part of marriage is hardly ever emphasized.

[sad_eyes]

Re: Domestic Abuse

I am very happy for you and I am glad for you that you were not abused yourself. I think it is mostly the abused children who can become abusive adults. Again not in all cases but psychologists say that in most cases.

Some cases yes, the child who was abused grows to be abusive themselves. My father is a perfect example, he was abused in every way imaginable by his father and I myself come from a highly abusive childhood whereas I have been put into the hospital countless of times from my own father. One particular incident he had me pinned up against a wall while pushing the kitchen table into my stomach with all his strength resulting in blood pouring out of my mouth. It took my 6 siblings and my mother to pull him away. As a child and well into my early teen years as well I recall my father beating on my siblings and my mother as well. When my mother was pregnant with my youngest sibling, my father and her were arguing and he grabbed her hair, threw her on the ground and threw a heavy solid wood wardrobe closet right on top of her. She was rushed to the hospital. There was plenty of verbal abuse too. I got the typical words of "You fat, ugly useless piece of s***, your never going to amount to anything in life." etc etc on a daily basis. My point is that regardless of having being beaten on physically as well as emotionally I have turned out quite alright. I would never ever beat my own children or call down upon them and neither do my siblings. I suppose who you become is a result of how you deal with the personal issues that develop from being abused...

[Siggie]

Re: Domestic Abuse

I suppose who you become is a result of how you deal with the personal issues that develop from being abused...

Well said Rachel. I think you hit the nail on the head.

I'm very happy you're back and I hope you stick around!

[Haykakan]

Re: Domestic Abuse

My dad used to beat the crap outa me to but it made me see how wrong it was and i promised myself never to be that way. I think if you have been in that situation you will have the natural urge to react the same way your parent did to a given situation but being aware of it and having the strength to control such urges has prevented me from doing the same.

[Gavur]

Re: Domestic Abuse

My dad used to beat the crap outa me to but it made me see how wrong it was and i promised myself never to be that way. I think if you have been in that situation you will have the natural urge to react the same way your parent did to a given situation but being aware of it and having the strength to control such urges has prevented me from doing the same.

My uncle used to beat the crap out of my cousin, i'm glad I learned at his expense.