Announcement

Collapse

Forum Rules (Everyone Must Read!!!)

1] What you CAN NOT post.

You agree, through your use of this service, that you will not use this forum to post any material which is:
- abusive
- vulgar
- hateful
- harassing
- personal attacks
- obscene

You also may not:
- post images that are too large (max is 500*500px)
- post any copyrighted material unless the copyright is owned by you or cited properly.
- post in UPPER CASE, which is considered yelling
- post messages which insult the Armenians, Armenian culture, traditions, etc
- post racist or other intentionally insensitive material that insults or attacks another culture (including Turks)

The Ankap thread is excluded from the strict rules because that place is more relaxed and you can vent and engage in light insults and humor. Notice it's not a blank ticket, but just a place to vent. If you go into the Ankap thread, you enter at your own risk of being clowned on.
What you PROBABLY SHOULD NOT post...
Do not post information that you will regret putting out in public. This site comes up on Google, is cached, and all of that, so be aware of that as you post. Do not ask the staff to go through and delete things that you regret making available on the web for all to see because we will not do it. Think before you post!


2] Use descriptive subject lines & research your post. This means use the SEARCH.

This reduces the chances of double-posting and it also makes it easier for people to see what they do/don't want to read. Using the search function will identify existing threads on the topic so we do not have multiple threads on the same topic.

3] Keep the focus.

Each forum has a focus on a certain topic. Questions outside the scope of a certain forum will either be moved to the appropriate forum, closed, or simply be deleted. Please post your topic in the most appropriate forum. Users that keep doing this will be warned, then banned.

4] Behave as you would in a public location.

This forum is no different than a public place. Behave yourself and act like a decent human being (i.e. be respectful). If you're unable to do so, you're not welcome here and will be made to leave.

5] Respect the authority of moderators/admins.

Public discussions of moderator/admin actions are not allowed on the forum. It is also prohibited to protest moderator actions in titles, avatars, and signatures. If you don't like something that a moderator did, PM or email the moderator and try your best to resolve the problem or difference in private.

6] Promotion of sites or products is not permitted.

Advertisements are not allowed in this venue. No blatant advertising or solicitations of or for business is prohibited.
This includes, but not limited to, personal resumes and links to products or
services with which the poster is affiliated, whether or not a fee is charged
for the product or service. Spamming, in which a user posts the same message repeatedly, is also prohibited.

7] We retain the right to remove any posts and/or Members for any reason, without prior notice.


- PLEASE READ -

Members are welcome to read posts and though we encourage your active participation in the forum, it is not required. If you do participate by posting, however, we expect that on the whole you contribute something to the forum. This means that the bulk of your posts should not be in "fun" threads (e.g. Ankap, Keep & Kill, This or That, etc.). Further, while occasionally it is appropriate to simply voice your agreement or approval, not all of your posts should be of this variety: "LOL Member213!" "I agree."
If it is evident that a member is simply posting for the sake of posting, they will be removed.


8] These Rules & Guidelines may be amended at any time. (last update September 17, 2009)

If you believe an individual is repeatedly breaking the rules, please report to admin/moderator.
See more
See less

confused and hearth broken!

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 3
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 3 template Next
  • #1

    confused and hearth broken!

    Hi, I am hoping that I can get your honest opinion about a serious problem of mine.
    I have been with my fiancé for about 3 years now. We got engaged about a year ago, and our wedding
    day was set for October of this year. He has been great to me since day one that we met. But I've always told him how important honesty is to me and that I would like to know everything there is to know about him, specially if it would concern our relationship. I always made him clear that I am not like one of those girls that when they get married and find out about the husband's hidden secrets to stick around. And that I would leave my husband no matter what. I have always asked him if he is honest with me and if there is anything he should tell me, and his answer has been that there is no secrets and I should not worry too much.
    To cut the story short, during our phone conversation last week he told me that he has something important to tell me. We met the same day and he told me with tears in his eyes that he has been keeping a big secret from me all this time. He told me that about 7 years ago (when he was 20) he got married to a girl that he knew and the marriage lasted only 6 months and they got divorced right after. It was the most shocking thing that I have ever heard, I could not believe what I was hearing. How could someone kept this a secret from me all this time? I feel angry and confused. I deserved to know about this prior to our engagement so I could make a better judgment about us. I asked him what the reason was for keeping this hidden from me all this time. His explanation was that he was scared if he told me he would lose me and that he did not want to take that chance. I am angry because I feel like he is telling me now because he thinks being so close to our wedding, there is no way for me to back out, but I feel like it's never too late to make the right decision and be happy with it.
    What do you guys think I should do?
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: confused and hearth broken!

    Do you love him? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: confused and hearth broken!

      Originally posted by ddd
      Do you love him? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?
      Yes I do, but how can I be sure if he doesn't have any more secrets hidden from me? How can I ever trust him again, knowing how many times I have asked him that I hate secrets!

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: confused and hearth broken!

        I personally feel this is what engagement is for ... for both people to really think about what they are doing. I think it sucks that he didn't tell you this before. I don't even understand why something like that would be a secret unless that relationship isn't over or wasn't over before he met you.

        In any case, take time and don't make any rash judegments. You are as you said, in shock. If he does in fact really want to be with you and is serious about this upcoming marriage commitment, then it's not something you want to throw out the window just to "get back" for his mistake.

        Let him sweat it out too ... it was probably not easy for him to come forward now but it's a good sign that he finally did. ... I guess. But it sounds very fishy about why he didn't tell you before ... would you really have left him or not get engaged to him if you knew of this past marriage?
        this post = teh win.

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: confused and hearth broken!

          I understand where you're coming from. You just need to trust him when he says there are no more secrets. I know accepting his previous marriage might be tough, and might affect your final decision as to whether or not you want to still be with him, but the most important thing to think about is if you really want to be with him. Everyone keeps secrets, and I highly doubt he'll tell you everything. Can you live with that? Is that okay with you?

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: confused and hearth broken!

            Originally posted by stam11
            Hi, I am hoping that I can get your honest opinion about a serious problem of mine.
            I have been with my fiancé for about 3 years now. We got engaged about a year ago, and our wedding
            day was set for October of this year. He has been great to me since day one that we met. But I've always told him how important honesty is to me and that I would like to know everything there is to know about him, specially if it would concern our relationship. I always made him clear that I am not like one of those girls that when they get married and find out about the husband's hidden secrets to stick around. And that I would leave my husband no matter what. I have always asked him if he is honest with me and if there is anything he should tell me, and his answer has been that there is no secrets and I should not worry too much.
            To cut the story short, during our phone conversation last week he told me that he has something important to tell me. We met the same day and he told me with tears in his eyes that he has been keeping a big secret from me all this time. He told me that about 7 years ago (when he was 20) he got married to a girl that he knew and the marriage lasted only 6 months and they got divorced right after. It was the most shocking thing that I have ever heard, I could not believe what I was hearing. How could someone kept this a secret from me all this time? I feel angry and confused. I deserved to know about this prior to our engagement so I could make a better judgment about us. I asked him what the reason was for keeping this hidden from me all this time. His explanation was that he was scared if he told me he would lose me and that he did not want to take that chance. I am angry because I feel like he is telling me now because he thinks being so close to our wedding, there is no way for me to back out, but I feel like it's never too late to make the right decision and be happy with it.
            What do you guys think I should do?
            if he was really trying to "trap" you, dont you think he would have waited until you got married. or he could have simply never told you, and how would you have ever found out actually?

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: confused and hearth broken!

              In any thing in life, there is always going to be risk. You cannot eliminate risk as a factor in life. Obviously the degrees of risk vary from endeavor to endeavor but marriage is a very high risk investment, so think hard, give him another chance to come clean with any other secrets, and move on that.
              Achkerov kute.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: confused and hearth broken!

                Seems like he felt bad enough about keeping it this long and didn't want to start your marriage with a secret like that, so he told you. If he told you that, what other secret could be afraid of telling you?
                Wow... I think you just heard from nearly every regularly posting male member. I
                've gotta agree with them here...


                It's easy to miss that opportunity to be honest about things like that and then be stuck. He probably didn't want to tell you too early in the relationship before you got to know him maybe thinking a previous marriage would make you not give him a chance. Then maybe once things progressed and he didn't want to lose the good relationship that was developing... Does that make any sense? It's kind of hard to time something like that.

                Mouse is right about the risk too... It's not like after you're married with a clean slate it stays there. You're always taking a chance. You've got to trust people, but that doesn't mean to trust blindly. Usually our "gut feelings" are pretty accurate. We're good at reading people even if we can't put those feelings in words or explain them. Just make sure you don't create these irrational fears and mix those up.

                If the fact that he was married before doesn't matter and you love him, why not go ahead and get married? Obviously this was a huge thing to him that he was afraid to tell you (and finally wanted to get it out there). If you handle this well, he'll probably be less afraid of telling the truth. If all other things are good and there's no other reason to think he's dishonest or distrustful, then why throw everything away?

                It's hard to give you advice without knowing much about him. Ultimately, I think you know what you should do. You just need to get over this initial shock and then you'll be able to think about this a little more clearly.
                [COLOR=#4b0082][B][SIZE=4][FONT=trebuchet ms]“If you think you can, or you can’t, you’re right.”
                -Henry Ford[/FONT][/SIZE][/B][/COLOR]

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: confused and hearth broken!

                  Originally posted by TigranJamharian
                  if he was really trying to "trap" you, dont you think he would have waited until you got married. or he could have simply never told you, and how would you have ever found out actually?
                  Well he could not have keep it a secret any longer. FYI.. when you apply for your marriage license, you can not lie in there, it will show if you are divorced or not, so I am thinking I was told about this now because it was his very last chance to hear from him rather than seeing it on the marriage license.

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: confused and hearth broken!

                    I would totally understand if you would want to biatch slap him and walk out if this thing came out on the day of the marriage.
                    this post = teh win.

                    Comment

                    Previous 1 2 3 template Next
                    Working...
                    X