WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

[Enigo]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Just had to Post this, its not a joke but its sick and funny


I xxxx her low,
I xxxx her high,
I xxxx her wet,
I xxxx her dry,
And when she's dead,
And all forgotten,
I'll dig her up and xxxx her rotten

XD

[jas1112]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

my girlfriend threw me out coz she caught me measuring my xxxx!
i mean how peety is that...?
anyway turns out it just reaches the back of her sisters throat

[jas1112]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

ladys dishwasher breaks down so she calls a repairman, she has 2 go out so she tells him,
"dont worry abt the bulldog,he wont bother u,
but whatever u do, dont under any circumstances talk 2 my parrot!",
the man starts work, wary of the biggest meanest bulldog hes ever seen,but it just lays there watchin him.
the parrot however, drives him nuts, yelling and cursing.
finally the man snaps and yells, "shut the fuk up u annoying bastard!",
to which the parrot replies,
"get him spike!"

[jas1112]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Apparently Gary Glitter wants the Aston Villa job,
after he heard abt thier strikers being Young, Bent and possibly Keane.

[jas1112]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

On hearing her elderly grandfather died, Katie went to her 98yr old grans house.
When she asked how he died, gran repied, "He had a heart attackduring sunday morning sex",
Katie was aghast at her 2 grandparents risking thier lives making love.
"we do it to the church bells. Nice and slow. In on the ding, out on the dong",
she paused 2 wipe away a tear,
"He'd still be alive if the fxxking ice cream van hadn't came round".

[Tali]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!



Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

[MrHyeSev]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Construction Worker

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the heck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".

The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

[Tali]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

NICE

One day, Little Suzy goes swimming in the lake with her grandmother. After they get out they go to shower.

"Grandma" Little Suzy asks, pointing between her grandmother's legs. "What's that?"

"Oh," her grandmother replies. "That's my beaver, dear."



The next day Little Suzy goes swimming with her mother, and they go showering afterwards too. "Mommy, is that your beaver?" asks the girl.

"Er, yes it is, Suzy. Where did you learn that?" her mother answers.

"From Grandma. But I think hers is dead because its tongue was sticking out."



How is knocking up your girlfriend like locking your keys out of your car?

The problem goes away with the aid of a coathangar.



What is 12" long and makes a woman moan all night?

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

[Haykakan]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Why azeris just cant win

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twVLj62LAFY&feature=player_embedded

[Tali]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Whats the best part of having sex with an eight year old in the shower?

Slicking her hair back and making her look six.






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Whats the best part about sex with a five year old boy?

Watching him break down on the witness stand.




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A pregnant woman was at the hospital giving birth to her baby. The delivery was almost complete, and at long last, the doctor held up the newborn, cut the umbilical cord, and took a moment to look the baby over. Then without missing a beat, the doctor threw the child against a nearby wall with all of his might. The mother watched in shock as the baby slid to the floor with a sickening thud.

The nurses and orderlies stood-by aghast as the doctor proceeded to dribble the newborn around the room like a soccer ball before finally passing the baby through the door into the hall with a mighty kick. Everyone, including the fatigued mother, chased the doctor into the hall just in time to see him scoop up the infant and run down the coridor, stopping just long enough to bodycheck the child into the wall every so often.

At the end of the hall, the doctor gave a mighty leap and slam-dunked the baby into a nearby trashcan, giving himself a load roar of approval. Finally the now quite large awe-struck crowd caught up with the doctor. The mother was distraught and burst into tears.

"Why? Why in the name of God did you do that to my baby?" she cried.

The doctor replied: "I'm just joking with you! It was stillborn."