WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

[Zhai]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

I just had to register on this forum so I could post a few jokes of my own

What's blue and xxxxs old ladies?
Hypothermia.

What's red and xxxxs old ladies?
Me in my lucky red coat.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.

What's got 20 legs and makes women scream?
Gang rape.

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you're already told her twice.

Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.

Why does Noddy have a bell on his hat?
Because he's a xxxx.

Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
Because he doesn't know he's black.

How do you get a leper out of a bath?
With a sieve.

What do you do if an epeliptic has a fit in the bath?
Chuck your washing in.

Abortion: It really brings out the child in you.

/exit

[MrHyeSev]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Dirty Grandma Joke:

There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".

[MrHyeSev]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

The elderly Italian:


The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.

"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"

[MrHyeSev]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Footless Parrot

A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not
communicating at all and he's lonesome so he goes to a pet store
thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into
specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he
notices one with no feet. Surprised he mutters "I wonder how he hangs
onto the perch?" The parrot says "With my prick, you dummy." The guy
is startled and says "You certainly talk well for a parrot."
The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well educated parrot.
I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish."
The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for."
The parrot says "There's not much of a market for maimed parrots.
If you offer the proprietor $20 for me I'll bet he'll sell me."
The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he
comes home from work the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the A's
won, the Giant's lost, the pope did so and so. One day the guy comes
home from work and the parrot waves a wing at him and says "Come in
and shut the door." The guy says "What's up?"
The parrot says "I don't know how to tell you this, but the mailman
came today. Your wife answered the door in her negligee and he kissed
her right on the lips."
The guy says "Oh, A momentary flight of passion."
The parrot says "Then he fondled her breasts." The guy says "He
did??!"
The parrot says "Then he pulled her negligee down and started sucking
on her breasts."
The guy says "My God, what happened next???!!!"
The parrot says "I don't know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."

[One-Way]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Abortion: It really brings out the child in you.

[scarylady]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Damn 45 views, 1 reply, I guess people didn't like it.

Have just joined & I must admit I thought those jokes were xxxxing brilliant

[MrHyeSev]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Plane:
On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails.
Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril,and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He was gourgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle,unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman,and whispers: "Iron"

[Vigilante]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says: "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

^Rip off from Family Guy. And you basically mutilated a perfectly funny joke.

And more then half the jokes you have suck and are redundant, with the punch line being the same thing. either babies or koala's or something really stupid.

Sorry dude, but comedy doesn't seem to be your thing.

[Vigilante]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

What the xxxx is up with armeniankid and mouse guy with jokes about babies and death?

xxxx dude, therapy?

[Anonymouse]

Re: WARNING: Sick jokes. Do not read if you can't handle!

Quiet you sensitive boy. Your jokes are even more lame. I warned the readers. If you don't like it, go read Sesame Street.