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Relationship "Problem"

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  • #21
    sad_eyes, if this was not an issue (aka you were Armenian) would you guys be talking about marriage already? You are not so old that you cant take your time and just enjoy being in love!

    Dont worry about wasting your feelings. You will not use up your potential for love in a hundred life times. You said that youve had to overcome challanges just to be together. Now that you have that chance, enjoy being together. Dont spend your time together worrying about something you dont need to take any action on right now. Now THAT would be a waste. If you are happy together now then consider yourselves lucky and take advantage of it while you can. There is a reason they say, "Its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." ...or however it goes.

    When the time comes and you both want to get married and you are still in love and can respect each others cultures then maybe you will marry each other. You cant predict how you or he will feel in the future no matter how sure you feel right now. If he refuses then you dont want him anyway - and dont argue with this. Think about it...You want to marry a man who would do anything for you.

    I am quite traditional myself and plan to marry an Armenian man, but if I was so in love that I would just not be as happy without that person in my life then I would not care. I havent been in love in over a year now and I cant wait to fall in love again. When you really connect with a person - like you guys seem to - it makes life better. Love like that is such a gift! Do not worry prematurely! Who is it helping? It is not good for anyone involved. Be happy with what you have now. ~Svetlana~

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    • #22
      Originally posted by ckBejug
      You've already shown an interest in the Armenian people, now try to immerse yourself, with his help, in the culture and traditions, even try to learn the language and I don't see why it should be such a problem for him to maryr you some day. Now if the cofusion/problem is he's confused if he wants to marry you regardless of the Armenian non-Armenian issue (after all, you are both rather young to be making such claims of wanting to be together for say the next 60-70 years!) then none of that is going to help. But if you do both indeed plan on being together indefinitely I don't see any problem if he marries a non-Armenian who seems quite intent on helping him preserve his Armenian-ness. After all, you don't live in some stuck in yesterday country where his parents really would disown him if he married you, do you?
      I am 21 years of age and he is 24. He thinks I am 85% armenian...hehehe.. I know alot about his cutlure and I know a fair share of armenian language as well as I have an understanding of their traditions. His mother is dead but I have met his father but only once. Its not the lack of understanding of the armenian culture. Believe me, I have a rather large understanding of it. But it is the fact of certian things that bothers him, yes what his father would say is one of them. I am not armenian. I am not a virgin. I have done some pretty bad things in the past which have bitten me in my butt now so to speak. However I do not do those things anymore, and have completely changed. He sees this too. And yes I am a christian. He and his friends and their wives and sisters (all armenian, lol....the only people I know and are friends with are armenians) all think I am a good girl, and they are always telling me that they like me very much. So I am just left to believe that it is his fear of rejection from his father, or just that I am not a virgin.

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      • #23
        I still think of everything in terms of a Tribe. You can't be in two tribes at once.. either he joins yours (unlikely) or you join his... and if you do, you're in it all the way. We'll accept you into the tribe... but then you're in 'til it's over. You're Armenian or you're not.
        "All I know is I'm not a Marxist." -Karl Marx

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        • #24
          Weirdos...

          sad_eyes...85% Armenian eh? What a compliment

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          • #25
            well, it's obvious that he's more at fault here than you are! since it's his preference and he knew how he felt and still feels about marrying a non-armenian but he wanted to get some and be busy and in a relationship for a while and avoid being lonely...however, now that YOU also know what's going on, responsibility has shifted onto your shoulders as well; if i were you i wouldn't wait for him to go, i'd let him go and break up even if there is no one else lined up to take his place! that way it will hurt less

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            • #26
              Originally posted by ArmoBarbi
              Love like that is such a gift! Do not worry prematurely! Who is it helping? It is not good for anyone involved. Be happy with what you have now. ~Svetlana~

              I really want to smile.

              what he feels about you it doesnt really matter,what you feel about him that really what u should care about.Just enjoy your feelings and embrace them with grace.
              I'm a monstrous mass of vile, foul & corrupted matter.

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              • #27
                Originally posted by ArmoBarbi
                Weirdos...

                sad_eyes...85% Armenian eh? What a compliment
                I take it as a huge compliment, actually. I have never known people who are as great as armenians. You all have a certain essance about you, something great. Very intelligent and passionate people. I have alot of respect for armenians.

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                • #28
                  Originally posted by HyeJinx1984
                  I still think of everything in terms of a Tribe. You can't be in two tribes at once.. either he joins yours (unlikely) or you join his... and if you do, you're in it all the way. We'll accept you into the tribe... but then you're in 'til it's over. You're Armenian or you're not.

                  If thats what it takes than I would be more than willing.

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                  • #29
                    Originally posted by hyebruin
                    well, it's obvious that he's more at fault here than you are! since it's his preference and he knew how he felt and still feels about marrying a non-armenian but he wanted to get some and be busy and in a relationship for a while and avoid being lonely...however, now that YOU also know what's going on, responsibility has shifted onto your shoulders as well; if i were you i wouldn't wait for him to go, i'd let him go and break up even if there is no one else lined up to take his place! that way it will hurt less

                    First I have to say, I like your quote. I absolutely adore Tata. Secondly, I understand your point of view about leaving him. I do think of it. I just cant bring myself to do it.....we have been through so much together. And the bond we share is impecable. I swear if you could put my heart to your ears you would hear it beating his name. I am not obsessed..hehe, that sounded a little crazy but we do geniuwinely love each other. Its not the thought of being alone that scares me...its the thought of not being like it is with him now. Ive been in many other relationships that were great, and some horrible, but nothing like it is with him. I know I am young, but...........I truley believe with all my heart and soul that God sent him to me. He just can be....a coward at things sometimes. But dont get me wrong, I can understand him not wanting to break any traditions.

                    Anyway, thank you all for your opinions...I will put them into thought. Sorry for bothering people with a thread such as this, but I really do appreciate your comments.

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                    • #30
                      Like Gevo said...if he didnt want to marry you and doesnt want to break traditions or whatever your bf is talking about..... he would not have been with you. So I guess manybe something else was on his mind at the time.

                      He is 24 and I'm sure he isnt thinking about getting married now anyway. And if you have been thinking about breaking it off with him then that means you are not in love with him...you just love him as a human being. If you were in love with him you would not have thought about this or the breaking up thing. Nor would he have mentioned tradition or what not to you.
                      You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.

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