"Guy Friends"

[loseyourname]

How can you say who she will and wont be friends with?? Ive had good times talking and debating with guys I dont even want touching me.

Yes, a friendship is based on "wanting something from each other", but since when is sex (sexual anything) the only thing one could want??

Well, that's what you think, but I can guarantee you that, unless you're ugly or fat (I've never seen you, so I have no clue), that your male friends definitely want sex from you, and that the simple sexual thrill they get from being around you is enough to keep them around you. Think about it objectively. What do you have to offer that another man can't other than sex? I'm sure you're an interesting person, but you're nothing exceptional.

[Thai-Samurai]

Well, that's what you think, but I can guarantee you that, unless you're ugly or fat (I've never seen you, so I have no clue), that your male friends definitely want sex from you, and that the simple sexual thrill they get from being around you is enough to keep them around you. Think about it objectively. What do you have to offer that another man can't other than sex? I'm sure you're an interesting person, but you're nothing exceptional.

*nods head to the rhythm of lose's good point.

[Anonymouse]

Well, that's what you think, but I can guarantee you that, unless you're ugly or fat (I've never seen you, so I have no clue), that your male friends definitely want sex from you, and that the simple sexual thrill they get from being around you is enough to keep them around you. Think about it objectively. What do you have to offer that another man can't other than sex? I'm sure you're an interesting person, but you're nothing exceptional.

It seems I agree with you more and more lately. It's a weird pattern. You are right she may be interesting but guys think differently.

[ArmoBarbi]

I beg to differ, I am quite exceptional.

Kidding of course...I see your point, and I was talking about people in general - not just guys towards girls. I do not hang around a guy because I want sex from him for example. I understand that this may not work the same way for guys.

Like I said, Ive had such conversations with guys (be it short and vague ones because of the uncomfortable feel of the topic at hand). I do see that this is true in my own life, and I have no problem accepting it.

I have had guys get out of line, and Ive had guys flatter me tooo much for a friend, etc.... I just try not to think about that and be friendly anyway. I mean, I cant just not hang out with guys. I dont live in a convent. I only cut it off if I feel unsafe, which Ive had to do before. I believe I am capable of handling it in the future.

I am really glad that you guys can be so open about this. Otherwise, many of us would have never known. Well done

[Inna]

I agree with the guys on this one...although I have a few male friends I am in no way attracted to them..if I was, I couldnt be friends with them. And I hope they arent attracted to me either....cause that would be bad. The last time one of my guy friends told me he liked me was in 10th grade....I havent spoken to him since.

[winoman]

How absurd

Typical comment/perspective of one who just hasn't been out in the world much.

I've had plenty of female friends in my life - and have many very good female friends today. And sure - with many I've had a (sexual) interest in or at least attraction to - but this is a natural thing - that doesn't at all preclude any type of straight up friendship. You make the mistake of thinking that an attraction necessarily overtakes all else. Also - I think the fact that you essentially don't like women - and see them purely as sexual objects - is a major part of your problem.

And as for women with only or primarily guy friends...well I do see this as a potential issue (for some - but not all) - one really can't generalize here. Many gals do get off on the attention - nothing wrong with that...but it it ashame if this is all they value and seek. Its a mistake though to see this as necissarily seeking sex - versus perhaps just getting off on the attention alone - two different things.

And sure - guys and gals are different (in general) and see things differently - bespeaks to how tied into our physical selves our mental/spiritual selves are - and also how environment [and expectations] shapes us as well. Both factor in. Viva la difference!

[winoman]

Again absurd and typical of someone who needs to get out more...

Men and women are different. As such the thing that binds them is attraction. Guys and girls cannot, ever, EVER be friends, without their being some ulterior motive.

Men and women can be friends, if there is absolutely no sexual attraction, or the guy is a clueless nerd, or gay. Otherwise, most guys will be friends with you until the point where they realize they cannot get some, or that you get a boyfriend. Then they will disappear and not be as close to you.

EVER???? Well you are just wrong. And you seem to contradict yourself here besides - because in your later paragraph you claim that only without sexual attraction can they be friends...so which is it???. At first you say that they cannot be friends without a sexual motive (as if males can be friends with one another because of common interests or having a good time together etc - but this is impossible between a male and a female - why is this? Just because of differences? Lots of (same sex) people are/can be quite different but still be good friends. I have one very good (attractive [put that in for LYNs sake...) female friend that (I've know for years and) I talk wine with and we get together and talk and drink wine quite frequently. I've never thought - my I really want to bed her and thats why I like her or want to be around her...not that I haven't perhaps thought of her sexually - Ok - guys do that - but it doesn't necissarily preclude other things or be any real issue....and BTW - she just got married last year! Hurrah - I'm happy for her. And I have other female friends as well. So I have to disagree with these (conflicting assertions) and draconian pronoucements...

I am not talking about acquaintances, but friends. Friends who you spend alot of time with. You go out together, share things together, spend time together. And I am saying that guys and girls cannot be friends aside from those minor exceptions, and that no guy should ever date a girl who has nothing but guy friends, or a guy best friend, or any such thing. The same applies to the man of course. He should not have any friends that are girls that he spends time with, or shares anything with. That is the whole purpose of why you have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Otherwise, you shouldn't ever be in a relationship with a boyfriend, if you have all those guyfriends which you want to keep on your keychain.

This paragraph is quite telling about you. We pretty much know that you don't like - or trust women. They are different - and we know that you don't like to associate with people who are different. But just because you have this problem - don't go around telling others what to do - "no guy should date a girl with guy friends" etc - this is just absurd. And that a "guy should not have any friends that are girls that he spends time with" - total and utter sillyness not supported by anything. Examples (in the real world) abound...and I just find it amazing that you actually would make such outlandish pronouncements.

[Anonymouse]

What would a thread by me be without the input of the forty year old?

[winoman]

Extremly weak on your part...not to mention admiting that your outdone by a....40 year old!!!!! (Its 44 BTW...soon to be 45...and really quite confortable with such...no worries...)...yeah internal contradictions, spouting BS when knowing nothing at all really, contentions which can't hold up to scrutiny, going to ad hominem attacks when his arguments just don't cut it....typical Rat really...you know - you really need to get out more...

[Anonymouse]

There was no contradiction Mr. Winston. I said men and women can't EVER be friends unless one regards the exceptions to the rule.

But for a 40 year old you should not have to try so hard to "outdo" me.