What do you guys think? Armenian w/ non-Armenian?

[Crissy]

Re: Dating non-armenians

You are welcome, just try to see it from their point of view as well. Sometimes, parents have a funny of way getting messages across, when in their eyes, they are saying the right things, the right way (the only way they know) they are really putting the kids down. it's only because it's hard for them to understand our generation.

but try to decide for yourself if this is the right girl for you, otherwise if it turns ugly your parents will say "i told you so" and that will be the end of you dating another otar

[Anonymouse]

Re: Dating non-armenians

This issue was probably raised in every armenian family, and from what I see, almost all armenians against it. I'm dating a non-armenian girl with whom i'm in a serious relationship, and I've had quite hostile episodes with my parents regarding this. They are so paranoid, close-minded, and disrespectful. They treat me like i'm some kind of a lunatic for choosing to be with a non-armenian, and have no regards for my feelings. It's as if they love me only if i think and act the way they do (as their so-called "traditional" armenian), otherwise they have no respect for my own thoughts. I'm not doing something unreasonable by dating a non-armenian, I see nothing wrong in that. I feel as if i'm just somekind of a tool of theirs used for the breeding of more armenian children. What indignity...

I don't know how to deal with them anymore, it's been alittle better lately, but there is still the tension. Will they ever get over it and accept her? Or will they remain as stubborn as they were? I know I'm not going to yield to them because they are wrong, and I won't be living a life where I am constantly dictated by rules that state how to be a "proper armenian." I think i have priority over my own rights and individuality.

Your situation is a close matching of the situation with my best friend of 16 years, who has been in a serious long-term relationship with a non-Armenian girl. His family as well has suffered arguments, quarrels, bitter moods and it has not been pretty and I have been a unique outside observer of all this and sometimes even involved. Often times his parents would confide in me since I am like a part of their family. They would tell me that they raised their sons to be Armenian, to carry on the torch of Armenian culture, and when I look at them, a really Armenian family in all its essence and manifestations, one wonders how this happens. His parents would urge I talk with him as his best friend and try to get him to understand, and I have. I have had many conversations with him but his heart is set. What can you do after the fact? Nothing. As much as people like to believe they do not have a choice, they always do. There is always a choice before you fall in love with whoever it is. Choice is what separates us from animals, and it is what gives us our uniqueness. I have had many instances in my life where I dated and had chances to 'fall in love' with non-Armenian girls but in each step along the way, I was conscious of both myself, what my parents have taught me, my Armenian roots, my education of Armenian history, and that I am simply one person out of many who has the burden of civilization on my shoulders, and if I reject, he rejects, she rejects, then who is left? I made my choices and I chose to not allow those relationships to occur.

You stating your parents are wrong, as did my friend, ignores the fact that the parents believe they are right and you are wrong. Right and wrong is a matter of perspective so it is a pointless finger pointing exercise. What your parents feel is only natural and you must at least understand what it is they feel and how they think, even if you are going to stay the rebellious course.

This is the all too familiar landscape of the withering Armenians in it's last gasping breaths as it tackles the crisis of its identity. What individuals often do not realize is that the burden of civilization is placed on their shoulders, whether they like it or not. Indirectly, they are the descendants and carriers of that civilization and identity. Rebellious attitudes always pervade in a diasporan setting where alternative cultures and races seem appealing, whether it is a case of love, hubris, misconceptions, or lust, etc. Ultimately it is a question of either reaffirming or rejecting your Armenian identity.

Even in Armenia, my dad's cousin married a Russian. Now he is the most unhappy camper our family knows. His wife of 30 years is a royal bytch, the families don't get along with her, nor does he. His daughters side with her against him, and it isn't pretty. Often times people like to bring up examples of stupid hypotheticals such as:

If you had the choice to marry an Armenian girl and be miserable or marry a non-Armenian girl and be happy, which would you choose?

Hypotheticals such as these are not real for they are not reflective of a world of a choice, but are designed to corner the person in question to pick A or B, when in fact, in reality there is the choice of rejecting both. And furthermore who said happiness is something you should look for in external things, even other people? You must first be complete and happy within yourself to seek another soul to compliment you. Another cousin of mine who is engaged to a non-Armenian girl cited a similar reasoning to the above. The truth is, marriage is a big deal for in any marriage it is not just you that is getting married, but families as well, as it is not just a union of individuals, but families, tribes and nations for it is only an extension of the biological life force. My grandfather used to say, "Amusnutyuna cheketrats dzemeruk eh". It means that marriage is a watermelon that is not cut yet, so you can't really see the inside, what it will be like, or what to expect. As such, hypotheticals about future happiness are at best self-delusions as no one can know that.

It does not matter if one is in Armenia or the diaspora, as choices are not bound by geographical settings, although such instances of these sorts of interracial relationships occurring in a relatively homogenous state are far lower than in an open integrated setting like America. In any event, there is a struggle going on and we all have a side to take. I hope your choice has been based on a long reflection and introspection and not on whims, prurient interests, or simply this need for rebellion against the immigrant culture which your parents and you represent.

[sad_eyes]

Re: Dating non-armenians

wise answer.

[Armenian]

Re: Dating non-armenians

Thats a nice story, why don't you share it with a non-Armenian forum.

If you think you're parents are close minded for wanting to preserve our national and cultural hertiage I think you're the one with some problems.

You're feelings? what are you, a sissy girl? What gives you the right to call yourself Armenian? do you think having an armenian last name makes you armenian? do you think speaking armenian makes you armenian?

You're a lost soul, and I'd suggest you and your kind distance yourselves from the holy Armenian name as far as possible.

You can go marry a Turk for all I care, b/c as an Armenian you're useless and perhaps even harmful if we go another step.

Please don't associate yourself with "close-minded" Armenians, we can do without disgraceful "armenians" like yourself, that is if you're even Armenian at all.

I could not have said it better myself. When it comes to other Armenians, we Armenians should look for quality over quantity. I rather befriend a handful of true Armenians than be a part of huge mess of self-hating idiots who merely call themselves Armenian.

[Anonymouse]

Re: Dating non-armenians

I could not have said it better myself. When it comes to other Armenians, we Armenians should look for quality over quantity. I rather befriend a handful of true Armenians than be a part of huge mess of self-hating idiots who merely call themselves Armenian.

I have a word that I like to use, it's called paper Armenians.

[Armenian]

Re: Dating non-armenians

So let me get this straight. You would rather see Armenian culture extinct than see me advocating Armenians marrying eachother in order to preserve our national heritage because, in your own words, "J.ews have taught us one thing is that they can't maintain their own country", is that correct?

Yes she would becasue she is a self-hating Armenian on a fast path to extinction.

Park Astudzo.

[Armenian]

Re: Dating non-armenians

I have a word that I like to use, it's called paper Armenians.

In Armenia there is a good term they use to describe such types- shour tvadz Hayer.

[Anonymouse]

Re: Dating non-armenians

By the way, this is to everyone. Any more insults from anyone against anyone, this thread will be closed. Don't let it happen please.

[Sip]

Re: Dating non-armenians

To Federation and Armenian ... I think there is a lot you could learn from Anonymouse's post. Although I disagree with a lot of it, that's an excellent example of how you intelligently put forth a position that both of you might agree with (I'm guessing). As far as the insults and name calling ... save the drama for your llama (or mama) as they say.

Edit: I was tying this before the warning. I hope this post is immune.

[Armenian]

Re: Dating non-armenians

Our national and cultural heritage will go forward due to self-respecting patriotic Armenians, regardless of how few they may be.

The ignorant masses within the dispora and our republic will perish sooner-or-later, what goes forward is the national myth, the national spirit. All emphasis needs to be placed upon our Hairenik, our republic, not individual Armenians. The diaspora will die eventually. No dispora in earth has survived intact (please do not make a stupid comparison with J-e-w-s, they are a much hated group of paranoid people who share a similar faith-system).

The dispora is a fat cow that needs to be milked for the Fatherland before it dies. Obviously I rather have patriotic Armenian doing the milking.